Feel absolutely awful after encounter on train

[SoberOctober2025]

I feel awful, and I don’t know if I was or was not being unreasonable. I’ve had to travel by train today. I got on the first train and it was unallocated seating. Sat at an empty table with 2 seats either side. Plugged my phone in, took my coat off, got comfy.

Right before we were due to depart a large lady came huffing down the aisle. I only say this as I heard her the moment she entered the carriage. She stopped at my table and decided to sit opposite me. I smiled and went back to my phone. She was incredibly overweight to the point she had to really push herself in between the table and the seats and took up both empty seats across from me. She was sweating profusely, really out of breath and huffing and puffing, took out an inhaler and was gulping water. She was breathing really heavily on me and dribbling water on the table.

Not the most comfortable situation but whatever, fine. Then I started to get a smell. Can’t describe it really, BO but so much worse. I took out and ate an orange, spritzed some perfume on my collar hoping that would cover the smell. Didn’t work and after 15mins I decided I had to move. I got up and started getting my coat and bag and she said ‘Where are you going?’. I said ‘sorry?’, kinda shocked that I was being asked, and she repeated. I said I just realised I was in the wrong seat. She said that’s bullshit, there’s no seats, I’m a terrible liar and I obviously have an issue with fat people. I said I would feel more comfortable sitting elsewhere and she called me a body shaming bitch as I was walking away. Everyone heard and it was quite embarrassing.

Was I unreasonable here? Could I have dealt with this better? I feel bad that I made her feel bad, but she was also really rude to me.

Well if that’s what you think then get off the thread, simple 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why you keep commenting.

The whole slew of deleted posts. Are they of the troll hunting 'this didn't happen' variety or personal attacks on OP?

How's that relevant though? Doesn't alter the reason the OP needed to move.

If this were someone sick from cancer or disabled from an accident – even if their condition was linked to their own choices, such as from smoking or risky sports – you wouldn’t describe their body in the same graphic, mocking way. You’d recognize that suffering isn’t a moral failing. But the moment it’s a fat person, you seem to feel entitled to dehumanize them under the excuse of being “factual”.

You already said you’d be “concerned” about a thin person’s breathing difficulties because it wouldn’t be caused by weight, which just proves the bias. Smoking can cause an exacerbation of breathing difficulties of asthma and is of the sufferer’s own making – but you only moralize fatness. The issue isn’t honesty; it’s selective empathy.

Because I can. And because you deserve calling out

Wow imagine asking a complete stranger why they're moving! She's projecting her own thoughts onto you. There's a load of reasons why you would chose to move, and most people do simply prefer sitting alone if they can - it doesn't have to be personal.

I haven’t RTFT entirely but you weren’t in the wrong to get up and go.

DH and I went to a radio programme recording a couple of years ago (the kind where you get unallocated seats on first come first served basis) and landed near someone badly smelling of piss. Horrible. We just looked at each other, got up and left for much further back. We couldn’t have enjoyed the evening in that stench.

I get up and change carriages if people sniff or throat clear. Or speak loudly. I’m tolerant in very many other ways, but we all have our limits. Sometimes there are no options and you just suck it up.

Absolutely, if I’d said this was a man, all these negative posts would have been non existent.

There is no “group only” or “family only” dedicated seating on trains.

If you feel uncomfortable sitting at a table alone, that’s fine. But please don’t tell other people they’re being “selfish” it makes you look right condescending plank.

This.

If have said loudly, “ I feel uncomfortable I’m moving seats”

A bit of both!

I find the table seats more comfortable, I have a better view out of the window and sometimes I even talk to the other occupants. The horror!

first post nails it!

lol this reminds me of the time my precocious toddler dd farted repeatedly on a train whilst reciting the words to one of Julia Donaldson’s annoying books. Train full of hungover festival-goers. It was so stinky she actually cleared a space for us to sit down comfortably! Quite a feat on a train where some people were sitting on the floor.

The advantage of being smelly AND loudly obnoxious on a busy train is that no one else will sit down once you scare away the passengers crowding you, then you have all go it seats and a table to yourself…

I think the obese smelly woman on the train may have been kinder to you than some of the posters here...

She was rude asking you where you were going. You could have been going to the loo. None of her business.

So we now just have to avoid stating facts to be polite? I think the details in OP’s post showed that she was trying really hard to be tolerant and put up with a lot before moving. It’s relevant to the story. She wasn’t being a “fat shaming b*tch”; she was in fact trying very hard not to offend the woman.

Stop dressing up overblown descriptions (most of which have zero impact on the OP) as 'stating facts'.

You can wear your normal shoes! Make sure you have a tight belt around your waist as that pushes up your tummy. Disclaimer: there are things in my tummy that weren't there before dc and have never truly left, so that might give me a special advantage.

Which part is overblown? The fact the woman was huffing and puffing? That she dribbled water on the OP? All reasons in themselves to move frankly, but perhaps you enjoy those things happening to you

First off who is she to question you!!!
She knew she smelt and she felt embarrassed and placed that embarrassment on you !
Thing is if she's as large as you've described then it will be harder for her to wash rolls and crevices etc.
I've smelt the same smell on ppl and it's vile .

However I've seen plenty of big ladies take ownership of their bodies noting that yes it is harder they sweat more and plenty of places to wash n keep dry etc and they go the extra mile in keeping themselves clean so there's no excuse unless shes physically unable to but from that lip she gots plenty of energy to put into bathing properly .

She sounds like a headcase with a giant chip on her shoulder. Don’t give it a second thought, OP.

This is exactly why I think it’s relevant to the story as well! Thank you!

And you’ve made another point I’ve made repeatedly… are obese women in some category that we can absolutely not comment on in any way, shape or form now? And when and why did that happen? If it was a messy alcoholic I’d been describing, I would not have had the same vitriol.

She said she moved due to the smell, not any other behaviours, so the myriad descriptions, all designed to paint the woman unpleasantly, are superfluous, especially since they take up more descriptive length and clout than the actual issue – moving due to smell and then the subsequent name calling.

You know what you’re doing OP and it’s a little sad.