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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel absolutely awful after encounter on train

458 replies

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 14:45

I feel awful, and I don’t know if I was or was not being unreasonable. I’ve had to travel by train today. I got on the first train and it was unallocated seating. Sat at an empty table with 2 seats either side. Plugged my phone in, took my coat off, got comfy.

Right before we were due to depart a large lady came huffing down the aisle. I only say this as I heard her the moment she entered the carriage. She stopped at my table and decided to sit opposite me. I smiled and went back to my phone. She was incredibly overweight to the point she had to really push herself in between the table and the seats and took up both empty seats across from me. She was sweating profusely, really out of breath and huffing and puffing, took out an inhaler and was gulping water. She was breathing really heavily on me and dribbling water on the table.

Not the most comfortable situation but whatever, fine. Then I started to get a smell. Can’t describe it really, BO but so much worse. I took out and ate an orange, spritzed some perfume on my collar hoping that would cover the smell. Didn’t work and after 15mins I decided I had to move. I got up and started getting my coat and bag and she said ‘Where are you going?’. I said ‘sorry?’, kinda shocked that I was being asked, and she repeated. I said I just realised I was in the wrong seat. She said that’s bullshit, there’s no seats, I’m a terrible liar and I obviously have an issue with fat people. I said I would feel more comfortable sitting elsewhere and she called me a body shaming bitch as I was walking away. Everyone heard and it was quite embarrassing.

Was I unreasonable here? Could I have dealt with this better? I feel bad that I made her feel bad, but she was also really rude to me.

OP posts:
Fabulously · 14/10/2025 19:45

Honestly I wouldn’t give her a second thought. She clearly has issues and insecurities and you took the approach of least confrontation. You don’t know how she would have responded to you calling her smelly, she may very well have been violent or continued to say things to you. She doesn’t seem like the type to end the conversation there. She also seems like an attention seeker and was probs doing all those socially unconventional things to get a rise out of you.

Personally- there’s loads of weirdos on trains so I take the approach of not engaging.

I remember once, I got on an almost empty train with 1 other woman in the carriage. I had AirPods in and was focused on my phone yet could hear the woman stirring/fussing in the background. I looked up and she was angrily gesturing at me and kissing her teeth and cussing that “the train was empty” yet I “invaded her space” and sat “too close” to her. I was sat a few rows away from her on the opposite aisle and just replied that I didn’t even notice she was there. She was still cussing and asking me to move, then others joined the train and she shut up. It was funny because the train ended up being standing room only so she was squashed in like a sardine on her table and I just remember thinking where’s her attitude now!

Didimum · 14/10/2025 19:48

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/10/2025 19:44

Nope - doesn't work and wasn't the scenario

It was the exact scenario. OP claims she moved due to smell but instead was ‘falsely’ accused of body shaming.

Instead OP has managed to actually body shame the woman at every turn to push apparently being falsely accused of body shaming – which has been both bizarre and gross.

Walker1178 · 14/10/2025 19:48

I probably would have made an excuse that I needed to make a personal telephone call so was going someone quieter but honestly I don’t think you did anything wrong. Most people would move away from a smell they found offensive if able to.

CopperWhite · 14/10/2025 19:52

You didn’t do anything wrong OP. This woman clearly has a huge chip on her shoulder. She needs to keep her issues to herself, rude cow.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 19:57

logplant · 14/10/2025 18:02

You asked if you behaved correctly I think it's likely you inadvertently looked disgusted and looked up from your phone a few times cementing your disgust - that's how it comes across in your post. You had every right to move but you may just naturally have a disgusted look on your face. I would not have sprayed the perfum - I think that was rude.

Home washed and ready for Bake Off.

can totally see why you might think that but I genuinely didn’t have a disgusted look on my face. I glanced up as she made so much noise coming into and down the carriage, she was very loud. Then when she joined me I smiled at her nicely and put my head back down other than to fuss with my orange, look in a compact mirror and spritz a little perfume. I work with people all day long, I can mask a disgusted face very well.

And I think it was rude of her to come on a train stinking of poo and BO, my perfume is not the issue here.

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 19:59

Bikergran · 14/10/2025 18:12

OP, I think we sat across from the same woman on a train from Leeds to Sheffield. She was several feet away from me and smelt like a pile of long unwashed clothes. Only a young woman. I have friends as big, if not bigger than her, and they don't stink.

Not the same journey as I’m in another country, but this lady was relatively young as well, younger than me anyway, late 20s I’d guess

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 19:59

UnderstoodBetsy · 14/10/2025 18:15

You sound lovely. 🙄

Thank you x

OP posts:
Hfiajfbdoflv · 14/10/2025 20:00

Someone ate a tuna baguette near me on a train a couple of weeks ago. It was disgusting. I had to move away and gave him a ‘look’.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:01

TwinklyStork · 14/10/2025 18:16

I don’t either, but the way she did it with such glee - with all the huffing and puffing and dribbling her water and her tits touching the table - was really unpleasant and unnecessary.

Trust me, there was no glee involved. Factual recount of the situation and probably some shock.

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:03

This reply has been deleted

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Yes, dribbling on the table. This woman was so out of breath she couldn’t get the water into her. But if you think I’m some weirdo with nothing else to do then just jog on and don’t engage 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 14/10/2025 20:03

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:32

Oh for crying out loud, do you know how difficult it is to work across multiple spreadsheets with a laptop in your lap, or the tiny table at the back of another seat? I also always have a notebook to hand and my phone needs to be plugged in. A table is far more comfortable and I have every right, as a paying passenger to sit where I like in a train with unallocated seating.

Admittedly late to the party but I am SO CONFUSED that a single person isn't permitted (under MN rules) to sit at a four table. In the middle of the day on a working day etc...
Exhausted by these new social rules (that don't exist and are just there to put the boot into the OP).

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:04

Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2025 18:29

Cor, never mind fattie. Those look like well-fancy train tables. Whereabouts in the country are you? And are you in 1st class? I didn't think they let anyone over 10 stone 5 in there.

Haha, it’s just a standard train, one of the newer ones to be fair. It’s an Irish train. Some of the more rural ones leave a lot to be desired!

OP posts:
AntiHop · 14/10/2025 20:05

This reply has been deleted

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Personperson · 14/10/2025 20:06

I'm fat, like obese (lost 3 stone so far) but I never ever smell. I have impeccable hygiene and I cannot tolerate or abide bad B.O. I have sensory issues due to ADHD and it makes me heave. Same for over powering sprays.

She clearly doesn't clean herself and you had every right to move. I would have as well.

Would she say I was against fat people too?

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:07

Anyahyacinth · 14/10/2025 18:33

Of course they could move but without the ostentatious perfume spraying etc..meant to demean and certainly not helpful to someone who needs inhalers. Its the ableist audacity that's objectionable. The way the OP drafted her post makes it clear how judgemental she is...as SO many other posters have said

There was nothing ostentatious about the small, discreet spritz of perfume on the inside of my collar. And I’m not ableist in the slightest. I am however, very judgemental about people who board a train smelling like BO and poo.

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:07

QueenClinomania · 14/10/2025 18:59

Best thing to have said would be oh its not personal. I hate everyone.

Excellent 👏

OP posts:
SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:10

GentleJadeOP · 14/10/2025 19:04

I’ve noticed whenever there are any ‘fat’ discussions on MN that people get very defensive and there will always be the odd one or two that take offence and defend the person the post is about. I would definitely have moved seats, and maybe felt bad doing it, but……the woman clearly has a severe obesity problem and must realise she was being anti social in her behaviour and hopefully may have made today the day she does something about her health

Ya, I really don’t get the defensiveness and attacking going on in this thread. I had been totally factual. If it was a drug user that came huffing and puffing, splurting water, taking up more space that average and expected and smelled of shit… I doubt anyone would be saying ‘that’s awful, it’s an addiction, you don’t know why they’re a drug user, you’re so judgemental’ 🙄

OP posts:
Yoyotux · 14/10/2025 20:11

I wish I had the balls for that, but I’m definitely not that confrontational!

Try channeling some of the confrontational balls you’ve freely displayed on this thread in RL OP!

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:11

Mrsbunnychops · 14/10/2025 19:06

Sounds like there was more to this story than you are letting on!!

How do you think there’s more to the story? What exactly do you believe I am not telling here?

OP posts:
Yerroblemom1923 · 14/10/2025 20:12

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 16:11

It was bad @GasPaniclike really terrible BO, but also a very strong smell of poo. I couldn’t have stayed where I was.

Why do some fat people smell? I'm a size 12/14 so not a skinny Minnie by any means and am so conscious of keeping squeaky clean because of the stigma. Just want to know why? They must know they do! I know when I forget my antiperspirant!

Yoyotux · 14/10/2025 20:13

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:10

Ya, I really don’t get the defensiveness and attacking going on in this thread. I had been totally factual. If it was a drug user that came huffing and puffing, splurting water, taking up more space that average and expected and smelled of shit… I doubt anyone would be saying ‘that’s awful, it’s an addiction, you don’t know why they’re a drug user, you’re so judgemental’ 🙄

What about an alcoholic? Who has a problem with booze?

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 20:16

Yoyotux · 14/10/2025 20:13

What about an alcoholic? Who has a problem with booze?

Well exactly… if it was an alcoholic, would I have been attacked for saying they were huffing and puffing, sprawled on the table, dribbling? Why am I being attacked and questioned for saying it was an obese person? Are obese people in some other category we are not allowed to refer to for some reason? I didn’t get the memo

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheArmoire · 14/10/2025 20:18

This reply has been deleted

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"Morbidly obese people are pretty gross let's be honest.

They're so touchy about it too."

Fat shaming is alive and well on MN in 2025

opencecilgee · 14/10/2025 20:28

Always go airline and i the aisle seat

all train commuters do this

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/10/2025 20:28

Kattley · 14/10/2025 17:24

Because the language used is fat phobic as is yours. You do know that health problems contribute towards obesity?

(and obesity contributes to health problems)

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