I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

Did your husband ask the social worker for help with his daughter?

This. Leave.
Life is too short to put up with awful kids.

How old was she when her parents split up and her father moved out? You have a 6 year old, so SD was 9 when that child was born? then 2 years later along came your second child. At 12 she left her mothers home to move in with you, her dad and your 2 young children. So in her eyes first she was abandoned by her father, then her mother, then she has to adapt to having two very young siblings who will take all of her father's time. You may have tried your best but for some kids thats just too much. She and her dad probably need to go to therapy together, its not just her problem to fix.

OP if she has lived with you for 2/3 years - when did the behaviour start? What are the allegations- you say neglect but in what way? What happened that she needed to live with you full time?

Honestly, really think about leaving, you'd potentially have split custody and where your children could be left alone with her. Can she go and live back with her mother and see her dad out of the house?

You're not being unreasonable, I was a horrible teenager and if I had a child in my life now that was similar I'd feel the same as you. If you want to stay with her dad you've just got to ride out the time, maybe find a hobby that gets you out of the house for some of the day. She will probably be nicer/more bearable when she's a bit older.

Sounds like your DH is not a very good parent. Has he just allowed her behaviour? If so I guess the kids you have with him will turn out to be nightmare teenagers too.

Why did you get involved with a man with baggage and even had kids with him?
He was someone's daddy, why start another family with him? Was it money or what?
And what did you expect?

Wrong. We have had massive issues having brought one child each into the relationship. Then having further children and both our older children having much less than ideal blended families in their other parental relationship.

In fact we also had SS involvement due the meltdown of one of the teens in the family who went of the rails.

Why? Because they had a large amount of very complicated and emotionally challenging situations happen in their childhood that that their siblings and step sibling didn't while trying to swap and fit into two very different families on a regular basis.

But DH & I have enough emotional maturity to understand why and how it happened. We also clearly understood how the decisions we made while for our benefit and also ultimately our kids together definitely didnt feel like it was for there's even if as an adult they feel like it has overall been.

The last part means what support did your DH ask them for?

Then split up. Why would you subject your children to that?

You've got a mangled family and you hate your partner's kid and your kids are going through bullshit because you won't pull the plug.

Some of these replies are baffling! A 15 year old is not some clueless toddler who doesn’t know right from wrong. Some people are evil and they are born that way. Are people seriously suggesting that the likes of Ian Brady and Fred West only became evil fuckers on their 18th birthday? I can only assume some of you coming out with the ‘aww poor little child, she’s too young to know what she’s doing’ bollocks are either parents of little shits or have no clue about how nasty and vindictive some teenagers can be. You have my sympathy OP, she’s really put you through a lot of shit and I totally understand how you feel.

I hope you manage to separate quickly as this is an awfully toxic situation for all parties.
I also hope her father helps her to access some support, as she sounds completely off the rails.

Unpopular opinion I'm sure, but you shouldn't be with her father. I was a quiet mouse as a teen but suffered a stepparent that clearly fucking hated my existence and you can be assured that this child will be adversely affected by this. Whether she's being a little shite or not, she didn't choose to be born but you chose to get with her father and have just told us all that you hate her.

Some people really should stay well away from single parents when they're pursuing a relationship.

Send her back to her mother. Take her stuff round when she’s visiting and change the locks. Tell your husband that he’s welcome to go with her but you need to put your children first. If he chooses to stay, he can see her outside of the house. I would be done and wouldn’t have her back in my house. 15 is old enough to know the consequences of what she did.

Another “I’m jealous of my step child” post. 🙄And blaming a child for putting your children through shit? Take them out of the situation. The delusion of so many step parents on here who think children should be blamed and hated for exhibiting concerning behaviour. If children are doing crazy things it is a cry for help you absolute fuckwits. You are not important just because you’re shagging their parent 🙄. Do one if you’re not gonna help. And the parents that stay with them are just as bad.

stop fucking children up man.

You don’t hate anyone op you are completely overwhelmed and you understandably have blocked care towards your dsd. You and your dh need help and support to deal with her behaviour. Does she have a referral to camhs. Are there any lifestyle changes you can make to make life easier for the next few months? Kids who are controlling and manipulative can be deeply fearful and anxious to the point where they behave in unacceptable ways. Your dh needs to parent from afar, she needs to move back in with her mum or be there at least half the time to give you and the little ones a break from the chaos. The priority are the younger children and their well-being. Living with someone abusive and with serious mental health issues is extremely hard and no wonder you have hit a complete brick wall.

Why does he need to parent from afar? Because they were all too shit to take care of the existing child’s needs and had more ?

This. It’s like an epidemic in the U.K.

Shit parents create shitty teens and shitty adults. And the cycle continues.

I get it.

My ex (split up last year) said that us splitting up was probably best for me (I know it was, I did it!) because his DD said shortly afterwards that if I had moved in she would have made my life hell until I moved out. Very worrying for me as purely by coincidence, her and my DD are in the same year at the same school and his DD is in the "mean girls" group (her words, she is proud of it), mine is in the "Nerd Girls" group, so I keep a very close eye on things anyway, but I dread to think how bad it could have been. As it was us moving in together was never on the cards until all the kids had well and truly grown and flown, but still the "what if...." thought is there.

We both knew she was a madam, only a bit younger than your SD, but she has got a lot worse in the last two years. All enabled and indeed encouraged by her mother.

Sadly, as a SM you will always get the Evil Step Mother thing on MN. You just will.

If you want a bit of support, the Step Parenting board is the place to go. Quieter but a lot more understanding.

OP I hear you. I have a 16 year old DSD and she is EXACTLY the same. She is the only thing me and DH argue over. He thinks the sun shines out of her backside. I have serious concerns that she has MH issues. Again a mother that is useless, been to jail, emotionally abused her etc and I have tried so hard but her dna is undeniable. She is her mother’s daughter through and through and NOTHING I do changes it. She’s had counselling, made no difference. I’ve tried gentle parenting, no different. Strict parenting, no difference. You get the idea…I have 2 teenagers myself and they are sick of her being treated differently as I would never put up with the behaviour from them. I’m honestly considering ending my 12 year marriage over it

They can be absolutely vile and yes while she’s a child it’s a shame she’s clearly so unhappy it isn’t up to you to sacrifice yours and your children’s mental health for her.

No it really doesn’t. It screams of a child crying out for attention because she’s hurting.

The fact you went to psychotic says more about you than her.

And if your bio children said that would you feel the same way?

If you genuinely think she's got sociopathic tendencies maybe you all need counselling. Maybe a professional could make a better analysis of whether there's something serious going on or of she's just a' terrible teen' .and it will pass..

They’re right though. You need to break up with her parent.