I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

I'm really sorry that you've had such a terrible time with your SD.
It sounds unbearable @8842688l and you've done well to endure it for so long.

Sounds like an utter nightmare, no wonder you're at the end of your tether.

Time for a chat with DH, find out if you're on the same page or if you'll have to separate for your own sanity.

What she's done is unforgiveable. The people giving you grief are being ridiculous. Anyone being put through a malicious allegation and being put through a SS investigation would be at breaking point over this. It's no joke what OP has been put through. Her stress levels must be through the roof, yet the virtue signallers on here are all "poor DSD" 🙄 Yes, the girl has serious issues, but FFS the OP has gone through hell because of her actions and needs some sympathy on her own fucking post.

After reading your posts I seriously think social services need to continue to investigate. The hatred expressed for the child is off the chart. You might also consider talking to someone.

Yet another blended family success story

I have no experience here so not going to judge. Simply to say it sounds like you have reached the end of your tether and understandably with having SS involved, that's incredibly stressful and scary.

I don't know what the next step is but I am glad that saying it on the forum helped you feel a little lighter to night and whilst I am sure DSD can pick up on your distress, it's good you have tried to protect her by taking yourself off to the bathroom.

I think it's really easy for others to judge and genuinely I do also feel sad for DSD in that I think this level of attention seeking must come from some kind of trauma or something like PMDD mixed with general teenage stuff but that doesn't make it any easier on you or your younger DC.

It sounds lame to say but I genuinely wish you all well and whilst not naive enough to think a resolution would be found tomorrow, I hope eventually it can be worked out.

I’m not surprised that you’re at the end of your tether, @8842688l, her behavior sounds extreme. Better to vent your frustration on an anonymous forum than say it to her face tbh.

To those saying it’s just shitty parenting, that’s not always the case. The mid-teens are a difficult time for many parents, My DD (20) did a number of dodgy things at 14/15 (nothing as extreme as the OP’s SD, thank goodness) and she wasn’t focusing at school, etc.,despite having a very stable home life with her parents still together. Then she suddenly matured at 16, took responsibility for her life, and is a completely different person now.

OP, I think that you need to talk seriously with your DH about how you’re going to address the situation. Your SD is manipulative but at 15, she doesn’t fully realize the consequences of what she’s done.

My advice would be for your DH to talk to her about her future and what she wants from life. I’m guessing that she’s in her GCSE year, she needs to start focusing on what she wants out of life instead of creating chaos.

I am talking to a therapist due to the absolute disgrace we’ve had to put up with, and I can confirm that a trained professional has also not ONCE said the way I feel is unusual or out of the ordinary in my circumstances.

I’d pay good money to swap shoes and see if your outlook is still the same?

15 year old girls can be very hard work. She needs parents and step-parents who are there for her despite the challenges.

You have my sympathy OP. I don't think people understand how damaging false accusations can be, especially as you have other children.

Well done for putting your young children first. They don't deserve to grow up anxious and scared with a teenager who is out of control. It is sad she had a rough childhood but your other kids need protection

I hope you heal and get some calm back in your life.

Not true.
My ex is an absolute dickhead and a terrible parent, my kids are great though.
I know plenty of single parents who had some issues with their kids and had to deal with a shit co-parent not following the same rules/guidelines and they still managed to turn around the behaviour.

I have a friend who had a bio child who put her and her other kids through absolute hell, I mean abusive behaviour towards the other kids and herself, smashed up the house, laid hands on them, the younger child would have to be seen by the hospital for injuries. she did everything for the child to get them help and as he got older the abuse got worse and he started on the drugs. She eventually had to give up perental rights over said child and give him up to save her other 2 kids who now have ptsd and mental health from the long term abuse of their sibling. Some kids cant be helped no matter how hard you try.

Tbh those commenting really don’t know what the op might be going through.

In my work I’ve seen teens cause absolutely horrendous issues for their parents and I’ve often wondered how they cope. Regardless of the reasons behind the behaviour, it impacts everyone else. It doesn’t sound like op started feeling this way towards her…I’d imagine the chronic stress caused by her behaviour has something to do with it.

My DP is a wonderful man, really nice and kind. Does he always get things right, no he’s doing life for the first time too. But he definitely has not done a hell of a lot to get her back in check, unfortunately with such challenging behaviour you need BOTH parents to be on board.

Move out then if you hate her and don't get with any more men with children. Poor kid.

..

”Poor kid” - yawn

I have no way of knowing from here if she's the Devil incarnate or if you're the wicked stepmother. In the end, I'm not sure whether it matters. The situation cannot continue. You have to separate from your DH. The relationship between you and SD is irrevocably broken down and from everything I've seen, when this happens the SP is powerless ti rebuild it. If it is on SD's end, it's going to be related to her relationship with her bio parents and you've become the target. If her parents want to try to deal with her that's up to them, but the only power you have here is to remove yourself from the situation. Some people might suggest sending her to live with her mother, but if you force a choice, most parents will choose the child (and generally, they should). You'll never win with an ultimatum.

Did you post about SD a few weeks ago? Her coming home distraught and wouldn't say why?

Harsh but true. Why on earth don't women find a bloke who doesn't already have kids if they want to start a family. This was 100% foreseeable as a likely outcome for a kid who feels she is getting replaced by the shiny "new family" and pushed out. Parents putting themselves first again as usual because they simply have to bring more kids into the equation.

A teenager saying she's neglected isn't psychotic she's trying to get help. Many teens are infuriating, it's not unusual to hate their behaviour, but it is literally a phase.
For you, can you find somewhere nicer than the toilet to go and get a break, an evening class or coffee at a friend's?
For her, what does she want to not feel neglected, did she say during the investigation?
Why did her parents split? Does she blame herself?
How does her father interact with her? How does he react while you're in the toilet for hours? It's a sad situation for all of you. Family Lives has an interactive website and lots of non-judgemental advice re both step parenting and teenagers.

Of course the OP won’t leave. What she wants is the DSC to leave.

I take it you have younger DCs, OP. You need to hope and pray that your own DCs don’t become troubled teens. I’m sure you think they won’t due to your better parenting but sometimes it’s just hormones and personality and there’s nothing you can do.

Both my DSes were spectacularly awful at 15. Sometimes I couldn’t bear the bones of them. But then things like a Facebook memory would come up when they were young and I’d remember their cute little faces when they were little and that saved me. As a stepparent, you don’t have that to get you through the bad bits.

But this girl is your DH’s child and sibling to your DC. Is that not enough for you to try and show her some love and understanding? Remember you’re the adult here.

It isn’t unusual for a therapist to hear because they are used to listening to extremes. It is why they exist.

You have no idea what others have been through and how they coped with it. You are not the first or only person in The world who has had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances.

No more bizarre than the title of your thread. I don’t think I have ever read a thread where an adult purported to hate a child. It sounds so awful and yes one’s response is to think “poor kid” not unfortunately poor you.

I wish you could hear yourself.

I'm sorry that your DSD is mentally unwell. Is she getting counselling? It sounds like she's had a traumatic/dysfunctional upbringing. I hope she manages to move past this and form a good life and relationships with her family without causing too much further trouble. Teenagers are impulsive, you have my sympathy.