I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

I hated my ex step daughter too. She was 14 and I literally couldn’t stand her. I got rid of her useless idiotic father and was glad to see the back of them both. I still shudder when I think about her.

Did you have children with him?

You don’t come across as being emotionally mature enough to deal with a 15 year old.

Losing his mind, he's tried to do as much as physically possible to correct behaviour, tried to talk to her, tried therapy but she refuses, tried the soft approach, tried the hard approach, tried every approach possible

as I said she’s a master manipulator so she will manipulate any situation where she’s not happy so that people either turn on others or question his parenting. DM believes any of the horseshit that comes out of her mouth, so she’s always the victim, never has to take accountability for her actions.

Oh interesting take from a stranger on the internet that does not know me?

To be fair on you, a lot of 15 year olds are absolutely unbearable.

…. and many never grow out of it.

If she makes false allegations against you and puts your child at risk, why do you still live with her? You can extract yourself and your children from this situation anytime you want.

He should stop her coming to yours then

God no.

I think some people are being quite naive in their replies. It sounds like this 15-year-old has triggered an awful series of events. They are an age where they need to start considering their responsibility and you can’t blame the OP for allowing her visceral reaction to come out on an anonymous internet forum.

OP. What is your husband’s position on this?

He’s a wonderful man, and actually not feckless.
Our children have had stable, consistent parenting. If one of us says no, both of us say no. We are a team in the matter.

Too many women are shite mothers but god forbid anyone point it out, it MUST be the male.

She probably resents you and her younger siblings. She’ll resent the fact that her parents have split. She wants to be in control of something. She sounds incredibly damaged.

Obviously it absolutely does not excuse her behaviour. I’m sorry she’s making life so shit for you all.

Lives with us, no escaping it

If she lives with you then how are you blaming this all on her mum? Surely you and DH are doing the vast majority of bringing her up if she lives with you?

She moved in at 12 due to an array of issues with living with DM

edited as just before 13

She sounds like a little shit

OP, my own sister was like this. She never wanted for anything, had nothing but support and love from both parents. She was just fucking vile to them and me - a total sociopath. She's still like this 30 plus years later and has destroyed every blood relationship she had. She's still doing it now, and after our last parent died has taken to torpedoing every thing I do to sort out the the estate... just because she can.

I have nothing but sympathy for you. It's not going to get any better.

I’ve name changed so I don’t get any flack elsewhere and I don’t see it printed somewhere that’s outing.

I feel for you, I’ve been through something similar and yes I hated her. Hated her behaviour, her stealing, lying, constant intrusions from school or police or social services and lastly the activities she was doing in my home whilst my children slept in rooms beside hers. Haven’t seen her for years, she’s now an adult and not interested in ever doing so again tbh.

I totally checked out. My dh was and is a great father, his grief has been awful to watch and a support as his daughter became something he feared despite all his efforts

Go on OP let it all out.. I bet you have wanted to say that for a long time. The 15 yr old matters but so do you !!

Ok so you hate her. I feel really sorry for her as she needs to find someone to live with who doesn't feel that way. She's a child and at 15 plenty of people don't act fantastic especially If there's been trauma or MH issues.

If she has a personality disorder or whatever then I hope she can seek therapy.

Op you won’t get any useful advice here because you are a stepmum and people hate stepparents/blended families in general.

Im all for supporting and prioritising children but it must be very hard when one of them is behaving so badly. Do we excuse all bad behaviour with ‘aww she’s just a child” - when does it end? Not all children are infallible, some just are plain nasty and spiteful. To make up lies about your family and subject them to social services investigations is not normal.

The one thing posters are correct about is that you can’t live like this. It’s toxic for everyone including your own dc. Your dh either needs to get her some proper help pronto and you need to work as a unit to try and correct this. Or you need to sadly separate until things settle down.

all I can say is: Women of the UK stop going round taking any man that comes to you and has a need to live somewhere and brings you step children. I have not seen this is any other country

Oh god op I feel for you and I bet the majority of the posters having a go aren’t step parents. 15 is a vile age anyway and my stepdaughter went above and beyond just to be awful to all of us except her dad, we finally fell out massively when she was 17 and she moved back with her mum. From that day on it was like a massive dark cloud had moved from above the house. We started talking again when she was nearly 19, she is 30 now and we get along fine but my god I came close to leaving her dad and my mental health really took a hit. Sending you lots of strength x

I think you need to split up with her father in that case.

That’s not me hating step mums that’s just being practical. Whilst you’re with her father you’re in her life. And you can’t be in the life of a child you hate.

She can’t be divorced from your DH, so you have to be.