I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

a poster in mums next twisting the words of the OP, to try make their point valid. Oh no what a shock

I actually said I take breaks in the bathroom to escape her awful behaviour for a breather. Believe me 10 mins counting to 10 helps all those involved

She has an incredible life and is short of very little, our home is chaotic as most but full of love for the past nearly 3 and a bit years, we have TRIED AND TRIED AGAIN, I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AGAIN.

last 6 months have been pretty horrific. But god strike me down for being honest about how I’m feeling in this

@arethereanyleftatall I completely agree that a step-parent needs to be prepared to love a step-child, but realistically, you can’t always anticipate their future behavior, can you?

One of my friends has three children, all hers, full siblings. A decade ago, her teenaged DD lost her temper with her younger sister, pushed her to the ground and she sustained a concussion. During that time, she also took drugs and stole valuables from the house to sell.

I’ve known this girl for years and at 12, no one could have anticipated this behavior. She underwent rehab, changed schools, went to university and is now fine at 25.

This girl could turn things around if her Dad is willing to step up. The OP can be supportive of him, enable him to spend quality time with his DD, etc., but he had to put in the work.

I think it’s fine to be honest about it (on here), but pp is right in saying that it’s not fine for you to allow your living arrangements to continue.
What you describe is not right for any of you.
I urge you to address matters asap - your children shouldn’t be in that environment.

DSD has Munchausen syndrome -- a psychological condition where someone pretends to be ill or deliberately produces symptoms of illness in themselves.

So your SD only started living with you and her Dad at age 13 so for the last two years?
Are you secretly annoyed she had to came to live in "your family home" if so I can understand that to some extent but at age 13 that was probably a massive upset for her as well, presumably she had to move schools, leave friendship groups, start a new school all whilst trying to fit in with Dad's new family full time, not to mention the trauma from whatever her Mum brought to the table so she had to move out.
Reading your updates you sound emotionally immature to be honest and I can see how your proposed moving out with your two children is supposed to be an ultimatum of some sort, a sort of it's her or us situation?
Are you married to SD Dad op?
Sorry if you have said I didn't see anything about he is your Husband
If so you need to think about the house and joint aseests.
If not you are free to leave and I think you probably should to give yourself some distance.
No child should have to live with another adult in the house who literally hates them, that is abuse and you are being abusive whether you think you are or not.
His DD is his for life, he has a parental responsibility at the moment for at least a few more years and that involves protecting her from another adult in her life that openly says they hate her!
You need to move yourself from the situation and let him parent her without the toxicity of his partner hating her.

OP I genuinely feel sorry for you. I do wonder though if leaving husband will end this stress for u though. I mean won't your kids end up with him some of the time and then ultimately with their half sister who you can't stand? Will that work out OK do you think?

@BruFordno, you can’t, but anyone who listens to parents of grown up kids and their experiences prior to making a decision to have children/stepchildren will be told time and time again, that teenagers can be the hardest of all the ages.

No adult should have to be subjected to such verbal and mental abuse from a child. But poor child oh yes I must remember, poor child

So not a straightforward seperation

And the next wife might feel the same

I haven’t once said it was, someone accused DP of walking out on his child. I corrected it

Well yes @arethereanyleftatall, we know that. But this is pretty extreme.

Yes poor child.
I do feel sorry for the poor child as per the reasons I put in my post and those are probably just scraping the surface of the dysfunction and disruption in her life aged just 13.
Why on earth wouldn't you feel sorry for a young teenager having to deal with so much change and disruption?
Very strange post🙄

If you trawled through the dozens of posts on this thread, you’ll get a very clear picture unfortunately the damage is done, and my sympathy has worn thin. Not a strange post at all, just a response to the people who still think this behaviour is excusable.

I think you're in need of an urgent break from the situation. Perhaps you and your two DC could have a short holiday (at half term?) and then decide whether to leave the situation permanently.
Is it possible your DSD contacted Social Services not to cause you trouble but hoping they'd send her back to live with her mother, or perhaps find a foster family for her? She sounds very mixed up and unhappy.

That’s a very good idea actually, yes could use the half term to get our brains in a row
I think this thought process is actually interesting but she’s done the same to her mother as well, she alleged to school she was being starved again...

Are YOU mental? You are a bloody adult. A parent.

She’s still a child though who’s clearly fighting a loosing battle living someone who admittedly hates her. If her mother is a waste of space as you said and you can’t stand her then it’s up to her dad to step up and choose his child. Probably why she is this way if she’s got nobody on her side.

Do you think social media is encouraging her to feel sorry for herself? There's so much trash on there about toxic this and toxic that.

"Not a strange post at all, just a response to the people who still think this behaviour is excusable"

I'm not saying it should be excusable I'm showing you REASONS why she has behaved this way.
She may well have contacted SS as another poster said so she could go back and live with her Mum but you have chosen to see it as vindictive towards you and now you hate her.
Obviously you are never going to be a safe adult with your partners daughter now so you need to think about your next moves.
Does her Dad actually know how much you hate her?
I couldn't possibly be put in that situation with my child, it's effectively making him choose.
You need a cooling off period of seperation to say the least.

The SD sounds ghastly and the OP is clearly at the end of her tether.

I don’t think that until or unless you have been through an indepth social services investigation you can understand the level of invasiveness, the fear of judgement, the fear that you may lose your children for something someone has accused you of. Ours took over 3m. They went to our children’s school, they spoke to form tutors, the deputy head, the head of pastoral care; they spoke to our GP and anyone we had interacted with with concern over our child - our CAMHS caseworker, the CAMHS psych, etc. Both children were interviewed by a stranger alone in their bedrooms, which were inspected as was our entire house, and we were not allowed to be there or even nominate another adult that they knew to be with them. And this was just for ‘misgendering’ my child in a conversation with a person whose identity we still do not know. But they reported us. No accusations on the part of the child concerned, no accusations of actual abuse and neglect.

It was beyond harrowing and if I ever find out who put my family through that - including the vulnerable child they claimed to be concerned with - I am not sure I could contain my anger.

So I think there needs to be some understanding that -whatever the underlying motives of OP’s SD - it is a cruel and invasive process that is very upsetting to all family members, the children and parents alike. It is harmful in and of itself when there is no underlying justification for it. And yes, I totally accept claims that there are children who are at risk need to be investigated, and before it happened to me I would have been the loudest to shout this (visions of Victoria Clombie and other tragic child victims will never leave me) but being the subject of that investigation is bloody traumatic.

Yes, op, you must remember the child.

You chose this family set-up; she didn't.

Take some responsibility.

I’m not surprised she’s acting up when her stepmum hates her, poor thing. People like this are precisely why stepmums have such a bad rap. Awful.

You KNEW your partner had a child when you got with him. You chose to marry him regardless and are now moaning about the stepchild 🤷🏼‍♀️