Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

I think you are unfairly getting a bit of a hard time here OP. If the situation made you uncomfortable and spoiled your night, then he was out of order.

I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with a stranger asking for your number in a social setting but he was in his workplace and you were s paying customer and I do agree with you that a line was crossed. I think it's actually quite sleazy. I think it is out of order for people to suggest you are a killjoy or prude because you don't like being hit on by someone there to provide a service.

His attitude seems pretty cocky and entitled to me, however I don't know if i would go as far as to complain to the restaurant. I think I'd just have made it clear his behaviour was not appropriate to him directly.

Totally inappropriate! Why should you feel concerned that you're going to get hit on everywhere you go? Yes, complain just so that he knows it makes people uncomfortable but next time just tell him that to his face? Why do some think it flattering for this sort of attention? How desperate for a 'compliment' do you sound?! I have a very attractive, married friend who can't enjoy a single night out without being surrounded by ignorant idiots hitting on her then calling her a stuck up bitch because she tells them to go away!

I think your discomfort is a result of your awkwardness. I don't think it's inappropriate for a man to respectfully ask for your number - how else do men and women meet? Unless it's your gynaecologist or counsellor, I don't think the fact that he was at work when he did it is problematic and I certainly wouldn't complain to the restaurant - unless he was persistent, or rude, or lewd, or creepy. That's unacceptable behaviour.

👏👏👏. Good for you. This is one of the most sensible responses I’ve seen on this thread.

I also think it’s out of order. It was not a social situation. Imagine If the situation was reversed and you asked for his number.

I would not complain but I would not go there again.

On the subject of waiters: my son and his DW were in Istanbul. At the end of the meal, the waiter said to my DiL: 'I must tell you that, for me, your body is perfect'. Now that's an approach! I don't think she complained.

You’d finished you meal, you where ready to leave he just thought he’d try his luck, take it as a compliment and move on.

Exactly. It's not as if he asked during the meal, which would have been inappropriate. He asked afterwards at the bill paying stage, which is clearly after the end of the meal.

Ridiculous and unprofessional behaviour on the waiter’s part. Now, if he had discretely passed his, perhaps that would have been acceptable. As it is: avoid that restaurant in future

My daughter would have found it hilarious. I can appreciate others might not. However, balance how you feel - does he deserve to potentially lose his job ?

Perhaps the whole episode would have had a different outcome and Indeed thread if the OP had been swept away by said waiter.

Perhaps she just didn't fancy him, if she had she'd have gave him her number. I really can't see OP grievance. OP obviously didn't fancy the waiter, such is life.

No big deal.

@Turducken However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain?

You're not being unreasonable. Asking for a woman's phone number is really weird, inappropriate, and not socially acceptable. It is not something that I would ever do.

However, I would politely suggest that you do not complain. This could result in the waiter getting into a lot of trouble, and it may have some very negative implications for his job and finances.

I agree.
"OK class! Attention everyone! You'll notice that you each have a molehill on your desk. You've got 30 minutes. See what you can make out of it "

I'd take it as a compliment and move on. 🤷

I went on a girls' trip to Italy a good few years ago and got hit on by a waiter. All of us in our 30s, but the others were noticeably younger & thinner than I was. I didn't stop going on about it for months! 😂😂😂

"Asking for a woman's phone number is really weird, inappropriate, and not socially acceptable. It is not something that I would ever do."
But then how is anyone ever expected to meet dates? Do we really have to do it all via t'internet & Apps?

I'm with you on this. Something similar happened to me in a garage/cat workshop I regularly used a few years ago. I'd never had any interaction with the staff member in question, but out of the blue received a letter from him asking me to meet him in a pub the following Saturday night.

It felt very intrusive; the fact he'd clearly obtained my address from their records and saw fit to then ask me out, without having ever spoken to me,or knowing anything about me.

I certainly didn't feel flattered, and didn't feel comfortable going back to that garage after that.

The question was whether I should complain to the venue
I wouldnt.

I'm with you on this. Something similar happened to me in a garage/cat workshop I regularly used a few years ago. I'd never had any interaction with the staff member in question, but out of the blue received a letter from him asking me to meet him in a pub the following Saturday night.

I feel this is very different.
The first scenario is a straight forward yes or no. You either want to give your number.ber or say 'im sorry, i don't want to' end of story.
With the second scenario the fella has misused your personal data

Since when has it become weird and socially unacceptable to ask for a woman’s phone number?! How do you think most people started going out together before the internet took over the world?

That's actually a breach of data protection laws so IS an approach worthy of complaint!

It’s part of the job spec there isn’t it 😁 Remember the waiters on holidays abroad back in the 70s/80s, they were notorious 😬

He shot his shot, thought you were pretty and wanted to get to know you. Take it as a compliment

Of course it’s out of order. Not sure i’d complain personally but you’re well within your rights to do. He was working, and pretty sure that will be against the rules.

How did you meet your daughter's father?

It's hardly a crime, you could have said no thanks l am not interested/am in a relationship. No big deal.