Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Sorry, but I think you’re being ridiculous. I havent got to my sixties without having experienced many many instances over the years of men I don’t know asking for my number or if they can take me out for a drink. It’s how I met most of my boyfriends in the past and how I met my husband. If, as you say, it’s young women who feel so terribly affronted by a man asking for their number and then leaving them in peace when they decline, I think it’s a bit of a reflection of how socially inadequate younger people have become in recent years.

I worked as a waitress server in various restaurants/bars. I think I’d have been absolutely bollocked for doing this. It would never have occurred to me to do it, I was a uni student working holidays mostly, wasn’t mad confident. I just find it inappropriate, bloke’s at work. It feels a little like (and this is just imo) he’s taking advantage hitting on customers.

I get why you'd feel a bit put off. I think he should have just given you his number instead of asking for yours. I think that's the better way anyways. I wouldn't want to give my number out and if provided with a number can at least leave the ball in my court to decide whether I want to pursue.

But I don't think I would complain over it. While I don't agree with the execution. I don't think it is worth getting the man in trouble if he was otherwise decent at his job.

I think it was hugely inappropriate and unprofessional and I would be annoyed. You should be able to enjoy a meal without the staff hitting on you. Does he do this a lot? If so he’s affecting the restaurant’s reputation and possibly losing them repeat business. I would complain x

do you have blue hair by any chance?

I think half the people posting here sound like the sort of men who tell you to be grateful for wolf whistles. I think it's inappropriate and would be uncomfortable, regardless of whether I found him he was attractive.

Your guard is down as a woman in this situation because of the roles you are both playing - he's a stranger who is temporarily a "safe man" that you should be able to joke with, maybe even lightly flirt with. But it's a handbrake turn for him to switch roles at the last moment, and would definitely put me off going back there.

The fact he retreated back to his buddies afterwards to watch makes it even more uncomfortable, like it was a team sport.

Maybe it's not quite harassment, but it put you off your stride, and made you want to leave asap, so I'd trust your instincts - he sounds like a creep.

Soooooo..... how/when would it be "appropriate" for a stranger, who meets someone he likes, even while at work, to let them know? 🤔

...otherwise he'd probably never ever see you again, outside of work....

This.

It would make me very uncomfortable and I would never go back there.

I hope so, but many restaurants still put the card in a folder with the check then bring it back with a receipt to sign. A nefarious person could easily take a phone pic of the front and back of the card.

You aren't being old fashioned at all. No wonder you felt uncomfortable.

Presumably blue hair is alluding to an insult of some kind?
oh go on then, you forgot
snowflake
woke

You are parroting incel lines. Dem poor men….

If he was polite and respectful and didn’t push the issue then I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not the same situation but I met DH through work but we had time to gently serif the other was interested. Life is too short not to take chances and you might have been the first women in a while who he wanted to get to know better. It doesn’t sound like he was a young guy so I would take it as a compliment and probably think of him as being quite brave. I would think the same if the genders were reversed and I don’t think we should be grateful for wolf whistles but I do think we should all be courageous enough to politely and respectfully ask others on a date if the situation feels right.

What have I just read?

I wouldn’t like it.

Just laugh is off take the compliment and forget about it

@TallMam Words fail me, honestly. Holding a door open for a woman, is that still allowed? Giving flowers? Pass a note? No?

Are you one of the people who moans "women don't allow us to be gentlemen anymore"?

(1) I would hold a door open for anyone.
(2) Giving flowers is a bit weird and I wouldn't do that either.
(3) I have no idea what "pass a note" means.

It was inappropriate but I don't think it's worth taking any further. Some people may find it flattering, just as some women think it's wonderful to get a wolf whistle. If this waiter does do it a lot someone will complain eventually.

I'd have thought you'd have a good laugh about it with your daughter and felt ten feet tall. Are you always this miserable?

Of course you shouldnt complain. He didnt harrass you. He politely asked for your number.
Why on earth did he spoil your evening?Frankly it is not a big deal.

Totally inappropriate and unprofessional. I can just imagine he's one of these foreign Lotharios that tries the same move on women every day for kicks, or the hope of a shag, or a laugh with his other waiter buddies.

If I ran a restaurant I would be so embarrassed to find out my staff were hassling customers in this way. It may not be sexual harassment but it definitely oversteps boundaries and is tacky and unprofessional.

How did people actually ask each other out in the past, of they weren't actually able to for fear of being sacked?!
Like, there was the whole - you see each other, it's butterflies in your tummy, a few flirty looks then one approaches the other to ask them out.

Ops version is: go out, get flirted with, fly off the handle, report the the restaurant, have the guy sacked

Fucking hell LIGHTEN UP

I think he should have left his number on the receipt if he wanted to show his interest. It doesn't put you on the spot and gives you the opportunity to message him or not without the embarrassment.

This.