She’s as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside” is that ok?

[CandleMug]

It’s my DD’s 18th Birthday tomorrow and we have parties planned etc but of course social media being so big I will acknowledge her bday on my SM platform.

I was planning on putting the title on my post tomorrow but wanted to get your opinions first. Is that ok? She is stunning and beautiful btw, though I’d put her main attributes first, funny, loveable, beautiful personality etc…

I haven't mentioned my kids birthdays on SM since they were at primary school because they'd be mortified if I did.

I think it’s a lovely thing to say. Of course it’s alright.

How about sending her a card and writing in that what you think of her instead of wanting a showy post to all and sundry? Just post a few pics of her & say she's18 today

She’s as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside

It does suggest that beauty is the biggest comparator, because you’re comparing her inside to her exterior beauty.

However, most people will skim read it, they won’t think any of it.

Get you as I’m a mother, but I won’t be posting on Sm when mine turn 18 (soon).

My teens have their own SM and will have comments from their friends. If I post on Fb or SM it’s just really cringey and would totally be for me - I don’t need the kudos.

No way does my teen want my random Fb friends sending trite messages! Their own friends and family will message them and/or see them, themselves! I think it’s just very needy for parents to post stuff like this.

I’m probably in the minority, but that’s my honest opinion.

Agreed - by all means send a personal card to your child telling them how you feel, but posting on SM? As a couple DH & I agreed that we would never post images or information on SM regarding our children as they could not consent to that data/those images being on the web for eternity.

My friends and acquaintances have no need to know it is my DC’s birthday/graduation/exam success day/prom night. I have no need to brag. Those milestones and achievements are theirs, not mine. I will tell close friends and share pics with family. That’s all.

But I do appreciate I am probably strange about this stuff!

How strange why don't you just put a nice message in a birthday card or is it for everybody else's benefit

But putting huge emphasis on beauty just means when she gets say closer to 40 she will struggle more to cope with ageing.
Maybe just say Happy Birthday or make a comment about how proud you are. Or have a great day type thing.
It does sound sorta desperate in a weird way.

Vapid trite quotes. As long as the child is "beautiful" that's all that matters. As long as the parent is seen as a 'good parent' by social media acquaintances that's all that matters, what people see. Also, what if she didn't look beautiful? What happens when she gets old and ugly and fat, will she still be worthy of love?

I’ve just had a friend write about her daughter saying “So proud of my fierce, genuine, and utterly amazing daughter — one of a kind in every way. Her strength, kindness, and spirit light up every room she walks into. 💖✨”
I thought that was quite nice.

Back when I used to use Social media some old woman posted a selfie of her very average looking 21ish year old Granddaughter with lots of makeup on saying something like "We do make some beauties". Had to unfriend 🤣 I may have even written "Why are you objectifying your Granddaughter you utter weirdo?"

I do the exact same thing. Close friends and family get the occasional pic. Random internet strangers and acquaintances, no. I actually judge the people who do this quite negatively.

Put whatever you think, OP. Of course parents love and are proud of and want to celebrate their kids. I hope she has a lovely birthday.

I even would not put my kids sm profiles for all to see but to each their own
If you believe your daughter is as beautiful outside as she is inside, post it. Your choice really

Yes. What does ‘beautiful on the inside’ actually mean? If it means she is kind, loyal, compassionate, loving, a wonderful friend, resilient in the face of adversity - that’s wonderful. And it is also what you say. Otherwise it is a meaningless compliment that means well, but says nothing.

As others say, if you labour the fact that she is beautiful (and I am 100% sure OP’s daughter is) then that becomes core to her sense of identity and how she values herself - and how she thinks others will value her. And if she loses it [gains weight after pregnancy, develops acne in her 20’s, loses her looks for any reason, including aging], then her self-image will be shattered. It’s totally fine to tell your child they are beautiful to you, but it needs to be bracketed by telling them you are proud of them for who they are, what they’ve achieved, for the work they’ve put into achieving their goals. For the less transient qualities.

Embarrassingly I watched an episode of Dr Phil on this, probably before I even had kids, and he laboured this. For some reason it stuck with me.

I think it's a lovely post. I've had the same posted for myself and I appreciated it.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging and celebrating beauty. Yes, it's not everything but neither is intelligence or any personality trait. I do think people who get wound up about us praising beauty are probably just insecure about their own looks.

This is absolutely enough. It’s her birthday, she’s not been voted in as prime minister, or won the Nobel peace prize, long lyrical paragraphs on social media are cheesy and cringe.

Start with Happy Birthday to my wonderful, brilliant, amazing daughter X. And then if you want to write a paragraph about the things you have loved about her over the last 18 years, okay. But don’t lead off with the beauty.

I don't think it matters. Post what you want. Most people will only see the Happy Birthday and then add their own wishes to it (which your daughter wouldn't give a shit about) I've had two daughters turn 18 in the last couple of years and I just wished them in person without a PSA to my friends.

I think you should put what comes into your heart as her mum. You have picked something that represents you and how you feel about her so go for it. My mum is no longer with me but I would have loved something like that from my mum coming up on social media memories in years to come.

Personality traits and intelligence are respectable though. Being pretty just means you're fulfilling your role as an object for the men who wish to ogle you.

There is more to beauty than something for men to ogle. There are beautiful women and men, their beauty can be appreciated without it being sexual. Beautiful people are used in advertisements towards people of the same sex. Is a good artist not respectful? They are just creating beautiful art for us to appreciate, the same way people can appreciate a beautiful person. Is a painter more important than a make up artist or hair stylist?

Gawd...this is why I can't stand social media sometimes... I just don't get why people need to state on a birthday post how clever, funny, talented etc. their child is and how proud they are of them blah blah... Who is the post actually for?

But that’s simply not true. I would probably say that most don’t.
The only people I know who post about their kids birthdays are the ones that fawn and are over the top in general life. It’s all “look at me, look at me”.
I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s someone’s kids birthdays. We all have one
Juat a happy birthday privately is all that’s needed.

YABU to call it a ‘platform’ unless you’re a celebrity.