She’s as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside” is that ok?

[CandleMug]

It’s my DD’s 18th Birthday tomorrow and we have parties planned etc but of course social media being so big I will acknowledge her bday on my SM platform.

I was planning on putting the title on my post tomorrow but wanted to get your opinions first. Is that ok? She is stunning and beautiful btw, though I’d put her main attributes first, funny, loveable, beautiful personality etc…

I think it's awful that what should be personal between you and your daughter is plastered over social media for all the world to see, including people who really couldn't give a toss whether it's her birthday.

Write what you feel about her in a letter or card, write it from the heart, not worrying about how your words would go down in public.

I have 2 children in their thirties, on their 18th birthdays I wrote them each a letter telling them of my thoughts and feelings about their attributes, I did a similar thing on their 30th birthdays as of course their lives had changed so much by then. I know they both have kept those letters, as I keep cards from them which they have sent me for Mothers' Day and birthdays, telling me what they appreciate about me.

These handwritten, personal messages do not need to be seen on social media and it would be utterly awful if such heartfelt feelings had been shared publicly.

Your love and admiration for your daughter isn't more meaningful if you put it on social media, I'd say it actually becomes less so.

Ignoring the SM aspect - I’ve always assumed As beautiful on the inside as on the outside is the 21st century equivalent of She has a lovely smile. I.E - something men, and other people’s mothers, say about a woman they do not consider attractive.

Someone once wrote it in a birthday card to me - and I felt pretty offended, (even though I was more than twice their age.)

Just because you have SM doesn’t mean you should fill it with any old tosh. Write something meaningful, or stick to Happy Birthday.

I totally agree. I very rarely use social media other than a couple of forums like this, and cant imagine my daughter ever having wanted me or my husband as Facebook friends or being linked on any other platform. 🤣🤣

Eh?

If you thought someone was ugly and said they were as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside you would be calling them a crappy person. This makes no sense.

Why put a message at all? So all YOUR friends can wish her happy birthday? 🤨
I have never never understood why people do that on their page, it feels incredibly self indulgent.

Why put on SM? Just give her a card.

Listen to your heart and say what you, as her mother wants to say. I think that sounds perfectly ok. I also have a teenage daughter.Enjoy the celebrations.x

I don't see anything wrong with it to be honest. Parents are allowed to be a bit cringe and soppy sometimes, especially on an 18th.

It's not like you're standing up in the middle of a party and giving a 30 minute speech about how wonderful and pretty she is in front of her mates. It's a Facebook post that will be seen by mostly your friends. Say what you want.

It could be taken as a compliment but also could be ambiguous, if you want to dig deeper…if she’s not beautiful inside then she’s not beautiful on the outside…there’s nothing to measure against.

reminds me of a Simpson’s episode where Lurleen tells Homer he’s as smart as he is handsome and Homer takes it as an insult because he thinks he’s not handsome

Saying that you are proud of her and she's a wonderful daughter etc... sounds a lot better than talking about her looks which are just down to genetics. Making her appearance a focus can also put a lot of pressure on her and make her feel that her value is conditional on being seen as "beautiful" that type of pressure is pretty unhealthy and can lead to problems like eating disorders or a need for constant validation. I have friends whose parents focused on their good looks a lot while they were growing up and it has been quite damaging for them in various ways. There is enough pressure from our sexist society regarding women's looks without parents adding more. I'm sure you know this deep down as a woman yourself.

No they don’t - they focus on the whole person the person who is funny, kind, loyal to their friends, has worked hard to achieve their academic/sporting goals etc.

Let’s put it this way - would you labour that your 18yo son was as handsome on the inside as he is on the outside? Because I have never in my 50odd years seen a post talking about ‘my pretty/handsome son’.

It’s absolutely fine to do this, OP. Please ignore the general misery on here.
I mean, how patronising is it to tell the OP ‘buck the SM trend and wish her happy birthday in person.’
Like it’s not possible to do both 🙄
I hope your beautiful daughter enjoys her celebrations and birthday wishes 😁

😂

I’m not entirely sure why you’re getting such shitty replies @CandleMug. You get a poster that posts something ‘edgy’ because they want to bring somebody down and then you get a herd mentality and they all pile on.
Meanwhile back in the real world, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with posting your original thoughts, lots and lots of people do. Well my friends do anyway!
You know your daughter so post whatever you want to! Oh and happy 18th to your daughter

i personally hate that specific phrase. It just feels fake to me. And as an autistic person with a fairly literally It just makes me wonder what inside a persons skin looks like.
but thats me, and I’m not your daughter. The question is will SHE like it if you write that? If you think she will- do it, if not then dont.
basically what I’m saying is do what she wilk
lile and no one else’s opinion matters.

Beautiful on the inside and out is really cringe and has become such a cliche. I love the idea of writing a letter (and am absolutely stealing that idea) - why not just say you're proud of her and post a nice photo.

Write it all in the card. My kids are now 19 and 21. I didn’t put anything re 16/18/21 birthdays on social media. But told them all my loving thoughts in a card. It can be done!

I was thinking about this phrase yesterday and decided I didn’t think it was ok! I think you would only say it about a woman / girl and it’s not a healthy message. I’d just say something like ‘happy birthday to my wonderful daughter!’ - that’s enough. No need to heap pressure.

“I’m so proud of the young man/woman you’ve grown into” is something I see a lot on SM.

Happy 18th to my amazing daughter! Watching you grow into such a kind, determined, and thoughtful young woman has been the greatest joy. You face challenges with courage, lead with compassion, and never stop striving to make a difference. I’m so proud of the person you’ve become and all that lies ahead. 💛

Just an example

I wouldn’t mention her looks because it’s best not to put value there. Focus on her other attributes as these are the things that will carry her through life.

You need to ask? Her friends will find it hilarious and she’ll be embarrassed! First rule don’t embarrass your teenage children!

I can’t think of anything more cringe, sorry. I would maybe put a couple of photos with ‘happy 18th to my lovely dd’. Your giving your dd a card, presents, will see them on the day, etc? I often don’t see my DCs on their bdays cos of uni terms but we call/Facetime etc - send cards/presents (although thanks to moonpig my DS never got his 21st card, still gutted about that).

Yep. Just go to the next room and wish her.
My kids would die of embarassment if I posted anything on SM!

Yes! Otherwise it’s all for show and look at meeee

Bullshit. I love celebrating my own and my DCs’ bdays but hate the gushing SM posts -save it for the bday card - it’s only the recipient who wants to hear they’re wonderful!