I don't like how people tend to speak to their children

[BeWaryFinch]

Fairly sure if another adult spoke to you the way that you speak to your children you would not like it. 'put your shoes on now' 'go to bed now' 'get in the car now' many other examples, or changing your tone of voice to be different than if you were speaking to another adult. Why do parents do this.

Because they didn't listen the first 32 times?

What stands out to me is the ‘now’.

Which is probably to just be clear tbh.

What’s wrong with clear, direct instructions?

Oh give over. Did you also hear the multiple times they said "five mins until shoes on, two mins until shoes on, time for shoes on please".

I take it you dont have children 😂

i miss the laugh emoji …

Because please can you put you’re shoes on sweetiepie doesn’t work.

If an adult annoyed me the way my son does, I'd headbutt them...so I think my son's getting a good deal with me just being a grumpy bitch.

Or maybe OP's children are still babies or very young. I try so hard to use polite, respectful language with my children and still find myself bellowing 'Just put your shoes on and go!!!!!'

You have to speak to children differently because they aren’t adults.

Im pretty sure you wouldn’t have to ask an adult 5 times to get into the car whilst being repeatedly ignored.

So yes sometimes people do get short with their children because it can be frustrating and tiresome.

That’s because they’re not adults. If they were adults they would be putting their own shoes on without prompting.

My dc are adults and what I notice now is the phrase ‘use your words.’

My little dgn was only 20 months and at a tediously long wedding reception being a bit whiny.
Her dm and dgm both kept saying use your words.
At 20 months she didn’t have the words to say ‘I’m tired, bored and my frilly dress is not comfy.

They aren't other adults though are they? They are children and most parents for go for a softer approach at first, I know I do. If I have to repeat myself twice then on the third time I am telling them what to do. My instructions are clear and direct and not up for negotiation. When it comes to parenting there isn't a one size fits all. You do you.

My children don't like it either. I tell them I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I repeat myself, I ask nicely, I demonstrate, I remind, i do the whole thing again, i ask another 10 times and then I get louder, and I sound cross, and then they get upset. What exactly am I meant to do? They also speak to me differently to how they would for others, I'm sure they would act within the first 10x of being asked by the teacher.

Also, surely everyone speaks differently to the people that they are by far the closest to?

I speak to DS the exact same way I would speak to DH - if DH had a fucking massive tantrum about going swimming or to work or putting his socks on, I’d give him short shrift too. Since he (mostly) doesn’t, I don’t need to.

They're not adults though and if you DID need to give another adult instructions like that, there would be a reason for it wouldn't there. I would imagine very few people immediate reach the 'do it now' stage without having already asked about five billion times.

DH is a self-sufficient adult and responds to complete sentences in a timely fashion.

The DCs are better with a succinct "exit mode in 10 minutes" "exit mode" "socks!" "shoes!"

It's a communication style developed with much trial and error over the last decade.

In a few years when they leave the nest, I'll have time to take up cat herding as a nice, relaxing hobby to fill the void.

I watched as my friend spent 20 minutes at a cafe asking their toddler "it's time to put your shoes on now darling". Fuck me I wish she said "shoes on now". I haven't got the time or patience for all this permissive parenting.

100% all of this.

Because children need very clear instructions, including WHEN they need to do something. So 'put your shoes on', it might not be obvious to them whether you mean at this moment, in 5 minutes, after you've finished your drink. 'Now' tells them exactly when.

Why do parents do this.

Because they don’t know someone is listening in and judging them when all they’re trying to do is their best.

If you were instructing an adult how to cook a certain dish you would say ‘turn the oven on now’, ‘chop the onion like this’ etc. it is kind of like that with children; they can’t run their own lives and need instructions.

I’ve never had to tell an adult to put their shoes on 313 times.

If an adult was making me late for work by refusing to put thro shoes on I would probably be quite firm with them too.

Well I speak in clear short sentences if my child is tantrumming because their capacity to process language vastly reduces when they are in fight or flight mode

i speak in direct commands with eye contact because young children cannot always attend to more than one thing at once, eg if a toddler has ANYTHING in their hands they may not process what I am saying to them.

look up blanks level questioning, 0-5year developmental milestones, and then realise that the time for speaking to your child in complex, nuanced sentences is RARELY when you are rushing around giving instructions