I don't like how people tend to speak to their children

[BeWaryFinch]

Fairly sure if another adult spoke to you the way that you speak to your children you would not like it. 'put your shoes on now' 'go to bed now' 'get in the car now' many other examples, or changing your tone of voice to be different than if you were speaking to another adult. Why do parents do this.

Autistic is a red herring. My son’s autistic best friend is an ardent rule follower and is devastated by the thought of getting into trouble.

Using bribery. Have you not considered that the reason parents try not to resort to bribery is because it’s not an effective long term strategy? Yeah, you got him in the car. Next time, he may well refuse to get in the car until he gets chocolate.
I have an autistic 6 year old too. I try my best not to use bribery, as it won’t help in the long run.

And this is the saturday night batshittery that we expect

“Maybe look at the root reasons that a child doesnt want to do something or would prefer to do something else.”

Well they don’t always want to clean their teeth. Something about it being boring of something. Should I give them chocolate coins after they do it? 🤣🤣

😂

I don't have children and even I think OP is living in another world 😂

I'd forgotten it was the weekend. MN goes off the rails topic wise. Between the teenagers, journos and AI it's hard work.

Chocolate and cars and children do not mix.
I'm all for bribery - it has it's place, but the OP clearly hasn't a clue about child care.

‘Use your words’ is a bloody annoying expression anyway.

And what about people who don’t have cars?

You aren’t really supposed to use sweets as a reward anymore as it sets them up for unhealthy associations with food in later life.

Studies show that what benefits most NT children is structure, routine, and clear rules and expectations. If you just let them do what they want on a whim, especially young children who are still learning to identify their emotions they will have no structure and they will also miss out on things that, as the adult parent, you know they will enjoy once they have had time to regulate their emotions or identify the reason for a meltdown e.g. hangrey.

It does them a real disservice to put no boundaries or expectations in place as it will also lead to feelings of insecurity and make it much more likely they will struggle with decision making and appropriate emotional responses in later life.

I say this as a ‘gentle parent.’ There are times to let them make choices: ‘do you want the cheese sandwich or egg sandwich?’ And times to put clear expectations in place so you can all benefit from your day: ‘you can put your shoes on now or I will do it!’

I believe children should be spoken to as you would speak any other adult person. Yes you would not tell an adult to put their shoes on.

Do you not have a husband? Or mother?

You don’t have your own child? No shit!

Youll be unaware then that they can be complete little shits with their parents and absolute angels with others. I wouldn’t praise your ‘parenting style’ too highly. Of course they do things for chocolate 😆

I suggest you save this thread to look back on if you do have kids so you can cringe to high heaven.

Otherwise, excellent trolling.

Children don’t benefit from being overloaded with language when they are dysregulated, eg when they don’t want to put their shoes on. Short and simple instructions are best.

So barefoot and full of chocolate every time you need to take them anywhere. Thanks for the tip 👍🏼

Kids listen to someone different and play up to those they trust and love. They think they need to gain your trust, they behave better

OP just have another glass of wine and distract yourself with a word search puzzle !
FWIW my children who are now fully functioning adults responded to’just do as you are told ‘ …worked 99% each time!

Wholeheartedly agree, as a parent and as a preschool teacher

Oh man 😂😂😂

I thought you meant the kind of parents who are really rude and disrespectful to their kids, shout at them as a default mode and call them little f**kwits or similar. You see quite a lot of it. These people are then surprised to hear their child has been in trouble for swearing or fighting in school.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Because children need short clear instruction about what to do?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 the children I thought I would have and the ND children I do have, and the ways in which I have to ask or request things are SO different.
Frustrating and hilarious read.

Batshit crazy. That is all.

You have a weird arrogance over something you really don’t understand. The difference between spending time with a friends child and being a parent is, fucking enormous. And I say that as someone who spends days with their friends children and has been a nanny for 19 years.

Bribery is not a long term solution, you gave a kid a chocolate coin (which is a stupid thing to do, you don’t bribe with sweets) to get in the car and it worked, would probably work the next day too. What works on days 3,4,5,6,7,8 when the chocolate coin isn’t enough bribery to get them somewhere?

What happens when they won’t put shoes on? I don’t mean the pair they should, I mean any pair whatsoever? When they’re only response is that they are not going to put their shoes on and they’re not going to school?

When they’re not brushing their teeth and will scream the house down before you get near them with a toothbrush?

I have witnessed him screaming like a banshee at dinner times and bed times, and other times, when other members of the household are triggering him, or something is upsetting him. I have been there when he is having a meltdown in a shop. He does what he wants to do, does not follow rules. He’s not acting like an angel just for me. I know how to calm him down again, and de escalate the situation, whereas his mother really struggles to do it. I get on with all the family. I believe it is because I can relate to him a lot so I can ‘parent’ him so well