I don't like how people tend to speak to their children

[BeWaryFinch]

Fairly sure if another adult spoke to you the way that you speak to your children you would not like it. 'put your shoes on now' 'go to bed now' 'get in the car now' many other examples, or changing your tone of voice to be different than if you were speaking to another adult. Why do parents do this.

Your OP talks about how parents need to talk to their kids like they’re adults and then later on you mention bribing a 6 year old to get in the car with chocolate? Might try that with my husband next time I want him to leave the house with me. As it apparently works on adults too by your own logic.

To be honest I don't have my own child
No shit, Sherlock!

Fairly sure if another adult spoke to you the way that you speak to your children you would not like it. 'put your shoes on now' 'go to bed now' 'get in the car now' many other examples, or changing your tone of voice to be different than if you were speaking to another adult. Why do parents do this

You're correct, I would not like it. But also, another adult wouldn't have had to ask me 32 times to get ready to go out before I agreed to do it.

Yes, you should sometimes give your children choices - trainers or wellies? Pink or blue t-shirt? Carrots or peas? Fine. But shoes on now because we need to go to school? Get in the car because we need to pick up your brother? Go to bed because we need to get up early tomorrow? Go to the supermarket with me otherwise we won't eat tonight? These would be non-negotiable in my book, and no, I am not going to bribe my child with chocolate - all I've done then is teach my child that if I want them to do something, they can hold out for a bribe each and every time.

You should ask your child with respect. But equally, there will be very few parents who have not, as some point, told a child to 'do it now'. Some children, even after you have asked with respect, several times, just won't do it. If you are shouting often, then something clearly isn't working. But the occasional shout does no harm at all. I think it can be good for a child to understand that sometimes they've just pushed you too far.

Also telling a child firmly to do something now doesn't even necessarily involve shouting.

Another non parent telling parents how to parent 😂🤣 come back to us 8 years after you have your first child, your views will differ.

Have you considered adopting him from his inferior mother? 🤣

You are incredibly arrogant OP

But when a 2.5 year old points and whines when they know perfectly well how to say mummy I want my bottle please, then it’s reasonable

To be honest I don't have my own child

That's pretty obvious.

Tbh, she's incredibly young.

I have to do things I don't like and don't want to do, but that is how the world is.

Why on earth would we bribe our children with a chocolate button to put their shoes on? I have to put my shoes on to go to work. I don't think my boss would be best pleased if he had to bribe me with buttons to get stuff done.

Children still have to do things like go to the shops with a parent, it's not going to harm them. Doing exactly as they want though, will harm them.

You obviously don't have children.

Because after explaining why, explaining why again, counting down, explaining that time is running out to leave the house and get to where we need to go ( e.g school for the child and work for the parent) there is still nothing doing and a clear explicit command has to be given!

So you bribed him to get into the car & think that makes you some sort of guru 🥴 do you have children OP? If not, then I don’t think you can really give a nuanced opinion on parenting.

Sorry - your example of your superior approach to parenting is bribing a child with chocolate. Wow! I'm not saying in desperation some good parents don't do it - but I would see that as a "minor" parenting fail because its super unsustainable and interferes with keeping them on a balanced diet that isn't made up of chocolate.

Also, as your congratulate yourself on your own genius at dealing with children you don't seem to have read any of the research which says that kids largely play up with their primary parenting relationships the most because they feel most safe in those relationships and so use them to test boundaries. It's super common for kids to push back hard on their parents and then comply with rules from people they are much more distant from e.g. teachers.

When I was a kid, if I didn't do as asked the first time I got a smack - don't you think the "sternly voiced instruction" method is an improvement?

You can't expect small children to really grasp concepts like "mummy has an important meeting at nine so we need to leave for nursery now" or "we can't be late for the doctor". Everything can't be a bloody negotiation. Personally I wish more parents would drop the wheedling and make it clear to their DC that obeying them isn't optional and they'll save themselves some hassle if they just do it the first time.

Riiiight. Because children make such wonderful, mature choices. 🙄

I agree with you to some extent OP. Give them time to finish what they're doing before expecting them to do what you want. Make putting on your shoes a game instead of resorting to yelling the minute they don't do it. The more time you spend with your kids doing positive things the more they are going to want to please you. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and speak firmly but yelling and threats are not the way to go - kids soon become immune. It can be difficult but I have a young adult with ASD so it's not like I've had an easy ride.

Gosh that’s so surprising that you don’t have your own child!