DD mercy mission

[AuntieMeemz]

Dd just got her 1st choice Uni and worked hard to get it. Her boyfriend of 3 years just broke.up with her. I cancelled lunch with freind ( who im in the process of distancing from)and am on train to the other end of the country to be with dd. Friend was annoyed and said I shouldn't just go running
I felt I had to go
Is that stupid?

I'd have done the same, in this instance.

I think that if you describe a friend as someone you’re “in the process of distancing from” then possibly you make things a bit more dramatic than they need to be.

I mean , she’s a grown up and doesnt need mummy running for every little thing . I’m sure she has friends .

Sounds like you didn’t want to go out for dinner anyway so used this as an excuse

also “ mercy mission “? Cringe

It was rude to cancel and mess your friend around, your DD could have waited a couple of hours.

Nothing wrong in supporting your daughter. She may not feel able to discuss this with any new uni frineds as yet

Isn't this what friends are for?

never heard mercy mission before!

It’s nice to go see her and I can see why you’d want to, but it could have waited till after your lunch I’m sure. It’s not like she’s in hospital. I’d have been annoyed if I was your friend too - though wouldn’t say so.

I don’t really understand “in the process of distancing from”. If you didn’t want to have lunch with her surely you make an excuse in the first place.

Did she ask you to come

What are you going to do when you get there?

It’s called priorities.

When you’re on your death bed, who do you think will be at your side?

If it were a real friend, they would have insisted you go to your daughter. Only you can know how awful your daughter feels.

My DD was dumped in her 1st term as well. I went down that weekend and the following weekend. She was really upset and she is my daughter and I wanted her to know that she is important and I would always be there for her! Young love hurts and all it cost me was a bit of inconvenience.
You are not wrong. A true friend would understand.

I would and did exactly the same thing. I took lots of photos for her pinboard though to replace the ones of him. I also took the dog for some hugs.

Is a 'mercy mission' not making a bigger deal out of it than it needs?

How old is DD? Is she 17 or a 'mature' applicant to university?

I listened to her whilst she cried, took her out to lunch, did a shop for her and made her feel special and cared for.

I’d do the same, 100%

I think that that is a lovely thing to do.

You're a hell of a lot nicer than my mother. When I broke up with my boyfriend when I was 19 she huffed about how I was 'miserable' and when I finally put myself back together she made fun of me and said she thought I'd have a long face forever.

A breakup can be like a bereavement. I would definitely go to my child in that situation if I could. You don't like your 'friend' so it's sort of irrelevant that you cancelled lunch - you probably shouldn't have been going to that anyway.

Just because they are grown up a child is still a child. I would have done the same thing.
Hope your DD is ok.

YABU for arranging lunch with someone you are also trying to distance yourself from!

And for GAF about what she thinks.

You're NBU for being there for your daughter, unless you haven't arranged with her to go and you're just turning up unexpected.

You’ve certainly got a flair for the dramatics, OP. I understand DD will be terribly upset but “mercy mission”?

I’d have still gone to lunch, apologised that I may have to cut it slightly short then get the train back home. Cancelling abruptly is incredibly rude whether you’re trying to distance yourself from this particular friend or not.

I would have done the same thing, absolutely I would. I cant comprehend that some Mothers wouldn't. The emotional pain of a breakup can be unbearable. I do hope she can be comforted and distracted OP.

I’d be doing the same for my son or daughter. And if my friend was in the same situation I would understand and rearrange our dinner. They’ve been together 3 years that is a big deal.

She mightn't 'need' her Mum but I would guess she'll be very happy to see her and spend a few hours with and and she'll have her friends around when her Mum is back home on the train. That's what being a family member is all about really, supporting one another, being there for them, going the extra mile when the situation warrants it.

Any friend would understand that.