I’m very glad you went OP!
Myself and a lot of my friends grew up with emotionally unavailable and unsupportive mums. Now, if any of our children need mum for whatever reason, we all encourage and support our friends to do what they have to do to be the best parent to their children. We’d all be offering lifts to the station, sending love, and Amazon/Deliveroo-ing chocolate and flowers… not getting in a huff saying it’s rude to cancel lunch. Why does the emotion over a cancelled lunch date override the emotional needs of a distress child? I don’t get that!
Maybe I’m a weirdo, but my children are and always will be my number 1 priority. They are not spoilt, they are hugely respectful, good at school and help around the house. People like my mum say they won’t be able to handle “the real world” because I care about them and support them. Somehow, despite the horror stories you hear about teenagers behaviour, I am not experiencing that at all with my teens. I would get on any train, plane or automobile to be with my children if they wanted me to. I have also done it for good friends, even flown internationally and taken annual leave for a true friend in a crisis.
In my late teens/early twenties me and everyone I know was adrift and often vulnerable. When I was away from my core group of childhood friends at that age and anything happened, I felt lonely and often had to soldier on and struggle miserably. This developed in extreme self-reliance and I chose a husband and father to my children who was emotionally stone cold and abusive and gave nothing. Because I wasn’t used to anyone showing me what love and affection and putting me first actually felt like. All the shitty things in my life that I’m still repairing the fallout from, are the result of not being cared about ir prioritised as a child/adult child. So there’s an argument for the “real world” school of thought but, for me, I’d rather teach my kids what people mean when they say they love you and care for you - by my actions.