Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH and kids to do this

634 replies

Youcannotbeseriou · 10/10/2025 23:56

13 years ago I got married and I gave up my dream career to raise two DCs. DH was desperate for kids, I wasn’t hugely bothered. Fast fwd to now, everyone is happy apart from me.
However, I have been offered a place on a masters conversion course that would see me into a new career.
Trouble is all the universities that offer these courses are at least a 3 hour drive away. They are full time training courses 4/ 5 days a week. I already work part time in the field and love it and know I’ll love it as a qualified professional, but for 2 years it could mean living away from everyone mid week. I’m late 40s so time isn’t on my side to wait.

DH made clear he/ they are staying put. I don’t want to leave them, but I’m so unhappy at the moment as have no career and hate where we live. This would mean I can at least have a career I love again.

yabu- don’t be ridiculous, you have commitments and children. You can’t do this conversion course for 2 years away from them.
yanbu- they’ll be fine and adapt for 2 years. Go for it!

OP posts:
Baital · 15/10/2025 10:12

I don't know how us adoptive parents manage to be nurturing, without having that hormone hit...

Sixseveneight · 15/10/2025 10:31

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 09:43

Seriously? Most of these threads on here are woman complaining of being burnt out and doing most of the mental load. I see it every day with woman I work with and family members. Again I am not talking about my partner so unsure why you keep bringing it up. I did not have a maternal instinct until my children were born and the hormonal impact hit me like a ton of bricks. My partner took them to the shops after a couple of days and I was pacing the floor, my breasts would leak when he started crying. This didn’t happen to him. Why is it so many men have walked away from their children too? We can agree to disagree but I don’t think ignoring differences and ignoring how woman are now working and doing most of the mental load and childcare is helpful to females

Show quote history

Sorry, maybe I missed it in your post, can you point me towards the research which backs up that being a biological predisposition within women and not societal conditioning? Unless you're suggesting Mumsnet posts are your source?

Great that your partner took his child to the shop, though. He sounds fab.

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 10:32

Baital · 15/10/2025 10:12

I don't know how us adoptive parents manage to be nurturing, without having that hormone hit...

Probably cos people can be nurturing without being pregnant? Duh

Sixseveneight · 15/10/2025 10:45

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 10:32

Probably cos people can be nurturing without being pregnant? Duh

Show quote history

As long as those people are women.

Baital · 15/10/2025 10:56

Sixseveneight · 15/10/2025 10:45

As long as those people are women.

Show quote history

That seems to be the opinion of several posters on this thread...

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 11:45

Sixseveneight · 15/10/2025 10:45

As long as those people are women.

Show quote history

If you want to deliberately misinterpret everything I say and deny there’s a difference between MOST woman and men following childbirth then that’s fine. I didn’t say men can’t be nurturing or shouldn’t be as nurturing as woman, I didn’t say that foster carers can’t be nurturing. You just sound silly and not the feminist you think you are when you deny MOST woman’s experiences

Dancingintherain09 · 15/10/2025 13:04

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 11:45

If you want to deliberately misinterpret everything I say and deny there’s a difference between MOST woman and men following childbirth then that’s fine. I didn’t say men can’t be nurturing or shouldn’t be as nurturing as woman, I didn’t say that foster carers can’t be nurturing. You just sound silly and not the feminist you think you are when you deny MOST woman’s experiences

Show quote history

Again when you say Most women do you have the data on that or is that a presumption on your part. I'd like to know what studies this involved for you to garner this opinion. Because without studies and evidence it is JUST your opinion and not an actual fact no matter how you word it. And yes I study developmental and biological psychology.

Harry12345 · 15/10/2025 13:18

Dancingintherain09 · 15/10/2025 13:04

Again when you say Most women do you have the data on that or is that a presumption on your part. I'd like to know what studies this involved for you to garner this opinion. Because without studies and evidence it is JUST your opinion and not an actual fact no matter how you word it. And yes I study developmental and biological psychology.

Show quote history

Ok it’s just my opinion that woman have a different experience following childbirth than men and that most women carry the mental load

Dancingintherain09 · 15/10/2025 13:41

However what we do need ti acknowledge is that an individuals experience is not that of someone else. People are highly individualistic and have different wants and needs.
OP has expressed that as her children are now older and much more independent (they are not babies or toddlers.) That she requires somehing more to be fulfilled as well as seeking to better their future lives. She is not proposing abandonment si some perspective needs to be implemented.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page