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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH and kids to do this

634 replies

Youcannotbeseriou · 10/10/2025 23:56

13 years ago I got married and I gave up my dream career to raise two DCs. DH was desperate for kids, I wasn’t hugely bothered. Fast fwd to now, everyone is happy apart from me.
However, I have been offered a place on a masters conversion course that would see me into a new career.
Trouble is all the universities that offer these courses are at least a 3 hour drive away. They are full time training courses 4/ 5 days a week. I already work part time in the field and love it and know I’ll love it as a qualified professional, but for 2 years it could mean living away from everyone mid week. I’m late 40s so time isn’t on my side to wait.

DH made clear he/ they are staying put. I don’t want to leave them, but I’m so unhappy at the moment as have no career and hate where we live. This would mean I can at least have a career I love again.

yabu- don’t be ridiculous, you have commitments and children. You can’t do this conversion course for 2 years away from them.
yanbu- they’ll be fine and adapt for 2 years. Go for it!

OP posts:
INX · 10/10/2025 23:58

How old are the kids now?

sittingonabeach · 10/10/2025 23:59

How old are DC? How does parenting/housework work at the moment?

Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 10/10/2025 23:59

INX · 10/10/2025 23:58

How old are the kids now?

10 and 12

OP posts:
Beyondbeliefsometimes · 11/10/2025 00:00

But you won't be away for 2 years. University year is 28 weeks, you can go home on a Friday and back on a Sunday. You will be home more weeks than away. It's your life too, you gotta do what makes you happy and show your kids to chase their dreams. I'm guessing kids are 13, so you will be finished up in time for GCSE year. If you don't try it you will always regret it and hold resentment

Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:01

sittingonabeach · 10/10/2025 23:59

How old are DC? How does parenting/housework work at the moment?

10 & 12 DH wfs

OP posts:
Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:02

Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:01

10 & 12 DH wfs

Show quote history

DH- wfh, Works from home. Sorry typo!

OP posts:
INX · 11/10/2025 00:04

Yeah but you're not really telling us about how you think your kids would react, how much parenting etc your DH does at the moment, whether or not it would be a huge upheaval for the kids or a fairly minor one?

AltitudeCheck · 11/10/2025 00:08

Plenty of men live close to work mid week, some travel/ work away for weeks or months at a time. No reason a mum shouldn't be able to do something similar.

It's a great example to show your kids that it's ok for women to be ambitious and have a life outside of home too. If you start soon you'll be done before GCSEs.

As another poster mentioned you'll have 2-3 nights a week at home and school holidays to spend quality time with your kids.

EBearhug · 11/10/2025 00:09

They are old enough to be explained to. You'll be back at the weekends and in the vacations.

honeylulu · 11/10/2025 00:09

What is your plan? To rent a room and stay over on uni days and home weekends and holidays? Can you afford to finance that as a household? If DH doesn't agree can you finance it alone? Will you be able to keep your PT job? If not what will be your income? Student loan?

Have you broached with your kids? What do they think? How do they feel?

ChaChaChaChanges · 11/10/2025 00:12

What’s the career? I’ve seen people I know spend a fortune on a Masters and still not be able to move into the profession they want. Equally, I’ve seen people do a Masters and fly afterwards. But it’s a lot of money. and in your place I’d want to be all but guaranteed a job at the end before I considered it seriously.

I would also give a lot of thought to whether I was really leaving my marriage rather than going to study, if you see what I mean

Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:12

Beyondbeliefsometimes · 11/10/2025 00:00

But you won't be away for 2 years. University year is 28 weeks, you can go home on a Friday and back on a Sunday. You will be home more weeks than away. It's your life too, you gotta do what makes you happy and show your kids to chase their dreams. I'm guessing kids are 13, so you will be finished up in time for GCSE year. If you don't try it you will always regret it and hold resentment

Yes, this is what I was thinking. But talking about it/ thinking about actually doing it, fills me with such guilt. Your post is exactly what I would tell a friend, but the guilt is weighing heavy as I try and decide what to do. I also haven’t come across anyone who’s done this. But honestly- thanks for your post. It’s good to read those words.

OP posts:
mumofthree22 · 11/10/2025 00:16

A friend of mine who lives left her family with similar age kids for a year abroad and came to UK to do a masters and kids and husband coped fine. She absolutely loves her job as a result.

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/10/2025 00:17

I would want more than 1 day per week with my kids

MBL · 11/10/2025 00:17

Can you afford 2 years of studying. So rent, travel, giving up work? Assume you can get student type loans for tuition?
Will it increase your earning potential so everyone benefited?
How supportive would your husband be? Do you have other family who could help too?

It is quite a lot and I wouldn't want to do it. Especially being away from my children but, I'm not unhappy. Only you can know if you are comfortable with it. If you are going to do it and the family aren't going to move now is good before GCSEs etc. Teens need more support than you might imagine. Almost an adult but not ....

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/10/2025 00:19

I think if you are sure, then do it!

Cherry8809 · 11/10/2025 00:21

If it was a man who posted your question, the masses would be up in arms about how selfish he is and how they can’t believe he thinks it’s ok to entertain opting out of family life/responsibilities etc.

Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:22

so to respond to a few questions-
I haven’t broached it with kids yet. Still weighing things up. So couldn’t say how they’d react really. But DH used to be away for weeks on end with his job and they just took it as part of life.
DH knows how I love this work, supports my move into it, but doesn’t want to move closer to where I’d be training.
it is a well financed course (not completely, but a lot of bursaries and automatic qualification for student finance) and a pre registration one, so should be good to find a job. Also my current employer is wanting me to return as a qualified practitioner and I love the team and company.

OP posts:
mummymetalhead · 11/10/2025 00:23

As a child of parents who worked away for months at a time, please don’t do it.
I resented them both so much. In my case one would come back and the other would leave but it was really hard to cope with as a child.

sittingonabeach · 11/10/2025 00:23

Can you outsource somethings that will make home life easier? As you are the one going away it should really be you investigating this

Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:25

mumofthree22 · 11/10/2025 00:16

A friend of mine who lives left her family with similar age kids for a year abroad and came to UK to do a masters and kids and husband coped fine. She absolutely loves her job as a result.

That’s really good to hear. Like I said, I’ve not met anyone who’s done it like this, so that’s really encouraging if I do decide to go for it. Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:36

sittingonabeach · 11/10/2025 00:23

Can you outsource somethings that will make home life easier? As you are the one going away it should really be you investigating this

Yup- that wouldn’t be a problem. I think it’s more the guilt of being away mid week that I’m struggling with. Logistically, we will work it out like we did when he used to work away during the week…

OP posts:
Original poster
Youcannotbeseriou · 11/10/2025 00:38

mummymetalhead · 11/10/2025 00:23

As a child of parents who worked away for months at a time, please don’t do it.
I resented them both so much. In my case one would come back and the other would leave but it was really hard to cope with as a child.

Interesting perspective. Sorry it was hard for you, I’ll bear that in mind too.

OP posts:
SirBasil · 11/10/2025 00:42

INX · 11/10/2025 00:04

Yeah but you're not really telling us about how you think your kids would react, how much parenting etc your DH does at the moment, whether or not it would be a huge upheaval for the kids or a fairly minor one?

meh. It will be a learning curve for DH and the children he so desperately wanted. It is now his turn and OP gets to do her thing.

FWIW at around those ages (maybe a little older) i worked for just over a year in a different city, and was a weekly commuter. Everyone survived.

SirBasil · 11/10/2025 00:43

mummymetalhead · 11/10/2025 00:23

As a child of parents who worked away for months at a time, please don’t do it.
I resented them both so much. In my case one would come back and the other would leave but it was really hard to cope with as a child.

overly dramatic. She will be away during the week and their father will be there all the time.