Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

In this case I would set it up as:
• Each of the younger sons have their
own room
• His younger son has the bigger of all 3 children’s rooms with a second bed
• The remaining room is a neutral room. When your daughter is home from uni she has it as the only girl, however his older son can use in her absence and he bunks in with his brother when your DD is home as their siblings and the same gender

Presumably that’s also how your DP feel about his kids?

You are both being perfectly reasonable. Maybe it’s better to wait a while longer before moving in together? That way one of the older kids might have their own place.

I would give you DD the smallest room. Your DS the next smallest room

The the 2 larger bedrooms - if one can be split with clever shelving then that is shared by the 2 stepsons. The other one is yours

Are any of the bedrooms big enough to put a stud wall in and either a new doorway or corridor?

Because they can't afford to buy a bigger house & OP's DD & DS sharing really isn't an
option.

because there isn't another (reasonable) option

@soniiaa you're allowed to move on with your life.

what is DF suggesting? Your two sharing or DD not being able to 'come home'. If you can't afford a bigger place either you don't move in together (if he insists his two need their own rooms) or his two share.

If you can't afford a house with a bedroom for all your children, you really shouldn't be moving in together.

How is the house being financed? Is it 50/50? I know marriage is a partnership yada yada yada but like hell would I be paying the majority only for my partner’s kids to have a room each while my own either didn’t have a permanent bedroom or had to share (therefore most likely forcing them out). And as a “child” I’d look very dimly on my parent if they were paying to subsidise someone else’s kids at the expense of their own.

In your position I wouldn’t move in together until at least one of the adult children have flown the nest and are out on their own.

Wait a few years until they are adults, then move in together.

@ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad so why do those dc pay the price?

I would do DS11 own room, DS16 own room but with 2 beds. Bed 4 set up as neutral guest space, DS19 uses it while daughter is away and dd18 uses it when she’s home. When they’re all there DS16 & 19 share.

Or kill one of the children!

I think this is the best idea. The two people who are there the least "share" the use of the room.

I'd base it on time spent there.

DS11 (with you 90% of the time) so own room

DS16 (every weekend and holidays) so own room

DD18 (at uni, home for holidays) so has her own room but used as guest room while she’s away

DS19 (ad hoc visits) so uses DD’s room when she’s away, and a pull-out/daybed setup elsewhere when DD18 home.

But isn't this exactly what your DP would be doing to his 19 year old? Taking away a bedroom of his own, leading to him likely not wanting to visit his dad any more.

I don't think it's reasonable for either of you to do that to your kids. I would have thought selling two 3 beds would give you some ability to sort out 5 bedrooms, even if it involves a garden room/splitting a bedroom/something creative

But you’re happy for your partner to do that to his kids?

Get married if you want.
Continue to live apart.

When you can afford a 5 bed, move in together.

Hell would freeze over before I alienated my teen daughter to move in with a man.

Well she’s there 40% of the year which is significantly more than his DS who only stays once or twice a week? Makes sense for him to just bunk in with his brother when he comes. His main family home is with his DM so doesn’t need his own room at yours too.

Take one of the bedrooms, and put a room divider in, my friend did this and both her older kids loved it, or add a partition wall, which is even better. There are lots of ideas online 😀

Don’t move in together. You can’t afford to house all the children appropriately if you live together so the only thing to do is stay put in your own houses.

What about if its unblended but you still can't afford a room each? A room to oneself is not a right fgs. We have a three bed, 2 doubles and a box room and 3 children. At the moment the youngest two share. But they are boy and girl and I can see in the next 3 years or so that will have to change. Which will be unfortunate as eldest DD really needs her space and will hate sharing with her sister, 6 years younger. I would also love my own room, away from DH, but life's tough.

Omg some of these comments are unhinged 😂 op how dare you find happiness and not stay single forever! 🙄

DS 11 needs his own room.
DD18 should have the smallest room.
DS16 & 19 to share but have the largest room?

Consider splitting one of the main bedrooms into two box rooms.

Who said she has to end the relationship?

Your daughter as the only girl needs her own room, you can’t just not have a room for her. Even though she is at uni, your house is her main home. The 2 boys should be fine to share. They are there part time, rarely together, are full siblings and close in age.
What does your dp expect you to do? If it’s to not have a room at all for your daughter then I wouldn’t be moving in with him.
If your other child was a girl I would say they could share when your older one is at home, but any other option is pushing your daughter out, that’s not ok.