Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

True, it's going to cause major problems in the parent/child relationship, and really fast.

Well obviously it’s his two who share if anyone had to. It’s a no brainer. Both boys and similar age. Plus one of them isn’t always there.

The one girl clearly can’t share. And would be silly to put the youngest two in together as they’re the two who are there the most.

I would suggest you don’t move in together but I’m not a fan of blending families.

Need to buy a bigger house.

Would the garden be big enough/budget allow a studio to be built in the garden as a kind of bedsit for DD? I’d imagine that in a house full of boys she might appreciate a space away from them when she’s home from uni even if it’s just to chill out and sleep in. If budget allows you could even install a little shower room and kitchenette.
Otherwise I think PPs are right - you’re going to have to bite the bullet and save up for a 5-bed so that everyone has their own space, otherwise resentment will surely build up.

I feel sorry for both groups of children!

Difficult.

Is there scope for a garden room? It would need to be well insulated, but lots of people have them now as home offices or temporary space for when kids are back from uni

I think don't move in yet

11 year old and 16 year olds are both there the most, therefore should get their own rooms

Dps 19 year old son is there twice a week and your dd every holiday so both still there a good chunk of time

There is no ideal sharing scenarios given currently the kids all have their own rooms in your houses... two will likely feel disadvantaged by the move

You don't have to move in yet and there will be more changes to come over the next couple of years with all the kids to make the timing better

I second the idea of a garden studio for your DD if you can't convert a loft or dining room. It will damage your relationship if all children don't have their own room. There will be arguments and complaints and either you or your DP will blame the other.

If your stepsons rarely stay with you at the same time, then the one that visits most frequently can have his own room, and the one that visits less often can sleep in it when his brother isn't. It doesn't sound like they need their own room, if they're rarely with you at the same time.

I can see why your fiance would want them to have the same as they have now, but you can't afford it, and they are the closest in age.

Sounds like you need to wait another few years before you do this then.

It would be u reasonable for you to expect his two children to share a bedroom and there be one sat empty the majority of the time just to use when your daughters home from uni and it would also be unreasonable to tell your 18 year old daughter that she no longer has a bedroom at home so the boys can have their own.

You can’t afford 5 bedrooms one room must be shared. That can’t be boy and girl and probably not non siblings. Would lead to his sons sharing.
Your son is the one who will be there most and potentially for longest, your dd has already one parent who hasn’t a room for her. Again answer is that your two get rooms to themselves.
No point in stretching for a five bedroom when some of the blended family might be within a few years of flying the nest.
If he can’t agree then maybe postponing moving in together is the answer.

Your son has a room, your daughter has a room and the two brothers share....in reality they'll hardly ever actually share the room

19year old who stays one or 2 nights a week doesnt need their own bedroom. Its not fair for kids having to share when one bedroom is virtually unused

You ideally need to be prioritising on getting a bigger property. Could you get a 4 bed with opportunity to convert to the loft/cellar? A house with an annex?

Is he suggesting your 11 year son shares with your 18 year old daughter? Yes she may be at uni now but uni holidays are LONG and she’ll likely come back after finishing her degree?

DS11 gets his own room - not negotiable.

Depending on the kids after that really. If his boys are not skanky the oldest & your DD could time share the bus room & when DD is home his boys could share.

It would obviously be nicer if they each had a room of their own, obviously, but if you can't afford a 5 bed (or a big 4bed & split a room/use a dining room/garden pod etc) then needs must & they'll just have to make the best of it!

Your DS is the only permanent one so he needs a room of his own!

Where does your DP suggest your DD sleep when she's home from Uni. The NSPCC advice is that children of the opposite sex should have their own space by the time they reach double digits and start experiencing puberty to ensure comfort and privacy. Could you partician the master bedroom for his boys and you take the second largest bedroom, it would only be for a few years.

Kind of you to offer to chip in!!

Obviously a 5 bedroom would be ideal but if it’s only a 4 bedroom house then his two boys should 100% share.

Sorry posted twice in error.

Are you aware the Magic Money tree doesn't actually exist??

Is there space/finances to build a garden room? Probably for the older SDS.

We have just finished building DS and DD their own rooms out of summer houses, fully insulated and electric sockets etc they love it and they are brilliant, maybe an idea for DD who isn’t home some of the time? xx

Well don't move in with him then put your kids first.

I think DP’s DSs should share, and perhaps they take it turns to stay in DD’s room when she is away.

The compromise could be that the room stays quite neutral and not too full of her stuff so that the DSs feel comfortable in it too.