Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

His two boys share the largest room. You can do some really inventive things with furniture to split the room to give them each some privacy. One would hardly use his side anyway if he is only there one or two nights.

Could you split the biggest bedroom for his 2? With a proper wall etc? Then have a room for your DS and a room for your DD, when your DD moves out then one of the boys can have it, if they still want it, doubt the 19 year old would be coming over much longer but your 18 yo defo needs a permanent bedroom, at least for now.

Those boys will hate you if they have to share a room. It will become your fault.

Live apart until all children can support themselves. Blended families are shit.

It seems unlikely that the 19 year old son or 18 year old daughter will want to stay over at all if they don’t have their own bedrooms. I absolutely would not risk that and wouldn’t move in together

Your kids can't share as they are different sexes so his will have to. It also makes sense if you look at how much time they spend at home - ds 90% of the time, dd and dss16 are probably both 50% as uni holidays are longer than school holidays, dss19 is less than 30%.

ffs why do people come out with this shit, as though a) there are millions of 5 bed properties even out there, and b) everyone can easily afford them but just chooses a smaller house for shits and giggles.

Not to mention that getting a 5 bed when 4 of the bedrooms won't be occupied full time is just ridiculous.

Why stop at a 5 bed, get a mansion OP. Actually why not buy both of the older two their own house 🙄

This

I have to agree with you. Put your children first not a man.

You need a 5 bed

Can one of them have the living room as a bedroom?

Largest bedroom goes to DS 16 who shares w/ DS 19
Second largest you and DP
3rd largest DS 11
Smalles DD

NO WAY would I allow the only girl to have to swap with a boy or share a guest room w/ a boy or her brother. If the DS 11 was a girl, I'd give her the largest room and have DD 19 share on holiday.

But they currently have 2 x 3 beds so 1 x 5 bed is actually down sizing!

The point is don’t move in with your bf at the expense of your children. They clearly cannot afford to give their children space which they very much need in blended situations.

Don’t move in together - it’s not obligatory. It wouldn’t be fair on any of the kids.

Absolutely agree about the garden room - if you can't afford it now I'd wait until you can before moving. It'll give her some independence when back from uni too - assuming shes happy with that.

Tbh, at least one of the older kids is likely to love the idea of their own place in the garden.

I think you and your boyfriend both need to prioritise your respective children over yourselves. If that means not moving in together yet, so be it.

DS11 has his own room. DD18 has her own room when she's home. DS16 & DS19 share a room when DD18 is home but when she isn't DS19 uses her room. In all honesty nothing is ideal, but it's not possible for all the children to have their own room. Unless you find a 5 bedroomed house or build an extension onto a 4 bedroomed house or turned a second reception room into another bedroom.

But you're creating a situation where at least one of the kids is likely to feel pushed out. Why not wait to move in together until it's less of an issue if you can't afford more rooms.

Why should DPs sons share when they currently have their own rooms?

Two younger boys have their own rooms.
4th bedroom is a guest room.
On occasions where the 18 & 19 year olds are both staying, DD has the guest room and you have a sofabed or something in the 16 year olds room for the brother.

Or you could wait a year or two until your DD is more settled at uni and not coming home in the holidays.

I understand this but there is an economic reality too. I think as long as there is a plan for when she wants to come home, then it is fine. Under the circumstances - that you can’t afford a 5 bed house and she might meet someone and not spend all the holidays with you - she can’t expect a permanent room to herself. But talk to her about it. Make sure she knows she is welcome whenever.

Other people have suggested good ideas. But you’re all going to need some flexibility as you can’t afford a 5 bed.

I think this is fairly straightforward. If you can't buy a 5 bed, then this:

DS11 - own room (only one with you full time)
DD18 - own room (only girl, needs to know she has a home to come back to)

DS16 & DS19 - share (both boys, siblings, both only there part time so realistically not much sharing)

Asking 16 and 19 year old brothers to share is normal.

I wouldn't move in with him. The older teens will probably be in FT employment and ready to move on in a few years. I'd wait until there is just 1 or 2 still needing a bedroom.