Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

No

I don’t dislike young men at all.

But I know they can have a tendency to dominate spaces, often unconsciously, and I’m afraid they do smell. It’s not their fault but they do.

At 19? He's more likely to smell of shower gel and aftershave than BO and socks.
But it's the comment about him being dominating that is the most offensive.

Why?

Men are dominating if left unchecked.

I didn’t think that was remotely controversial.

Fucking hell

Yeah

seen like that…

Because both of the brothers are only there two days a week.

No, it’s bollocks. Sorry.

No, she's right. People don't want to hear it.

No she isn’t right. She doesn’t know the people involved never mind the family dynamic. She is projecting massively and being incredibly arrogant in doing so.

There's no scenario in which this move is in the best interests of the children involved.

Two of them are adults not children.

But if they are there on the same two days, there's still going to be a bedroom lying empty - that's what I don't get.
Just make the 4th bedroom a spare room with cupboards for both the dd and the eldest ds.

In contexts such as this, 'children' can mean offspring of any age as well as juveniles.

At any rate, the two who are now adults are at the very young end of adulthood.

The children of the same sex, from the same family, nearest in age need to share. So, that’s his sons. You can’t mix sexes. Your 11 year old is both dependent age-wise and at home the most so should absolutely get his own room.

I don't understand the people bemoaning the fact that bedrooms are going to be empty and unoccupied for a lot of the time.

Surely this is obvious - and unavoidable - when children no longer live 24/7 with both parents, and with university students who are away during the long term times but back home for the also long holidays?

In fact, in the case of any family where everybody goes out to work or school/nursery all day, the entire house will be unoccupied for probably 20% or more of the time!

It's not a room being empty, it's dc being doubled up in another room while a room lies empty.

The oldest ds and the dd cannot share though.

No, I agree - which is why I'm amazed they didn't try to find one of the many 4-bed houses that come with more than one reception room or even a garage that could be assigned as somebody's bedroom for as long as it's required.

Surely logic dictates that, if you have four bedrooms (and probably at least one bathroom) upstairs, there will be room in many common house layouts for two reception rooms downstairs.

I was just addressing the people who seem to be actively in favour of not buying a house with enough bedrooms or other rooms that can be apportioned as such, with each child/adult child having their own bedroom - on the basis that the rooms won't all be full for all of the time.

Don’t move in with him until you can afford a suitable property, how ridiculous for you to consider your daughter not having a room, your kids should come before a boyfriend.

Bloody hell, another one.

How long do you think they should wait?

At this rate, by the time Mumsnet permits them to move in together it'll be time for them to retire and downsize.

I've just had a thought - given the dates and timelines the woman who wrote this had a 3 year old child when she started shagging this man. I wonder how fast she started having sleep overs with an man unrelated to her kids and how fast she started forcing her kids to play happily families. I'd lay odds that she's been angling to get him down the aisle and coercing her kids into being Jan and Marcia for a long time. Poor little girls.

Willing to do whatever it takes to keep her man and keep him happy, and if her kids have to be unhappy - oh well. It's all a bit sad and gross and pathetic

What are you thinking now @soniiaa

Wow. Another person with clear unresolved issues. The level of venom in your post is really quite concerning.

Yes, you do indeed appear to have clear and unresolved issues. The venom is in your poisonous mind. Facts don't care how you feel.

Seek therapy, or have another gin, or whatever. 😅😃