Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

His son would still at least have a bed and a shared room, what’s the alternative for her daughter?

I would give the DS who is at the house 90 percent of the time his own room. Then the other three rooms set up in neutral colours so any of them can stay in any room. With a wardrobe and drawers allocated to each to store their stuff. You can have two beds in one of the rooms in case all four stay on the same night, but it sounds like this will be rare. But none have a 'room' as it were. As it would be silly to have a spare room free if three were there.
I can't see how else tou can make it fair.

Has it got a separate reception room that could be used as a bedroom?

Or is one of bedrooms big enough to split into 2?

Or buy another home that you can do this in^^?

Do you have to buy this house? Buy a house with a garage that can be converted or add a garden room for the eldest boy.

Must you live together, OP? It all sounds really awkward. Can't you just carry on being a couple who doesn't live together, at least until some of the kids are through uni?

Look at other houses/cheaper areas. I think with a young blended family they each need to have their own private bedrooms

There are plenty of options between staying in a bad marriage and creating a new household that isn’t well planned.

The goal is to prioritize your children, whatever option is chosen. A relationship is never a requirement.

Of course op doesn't have to stay single for ever...she hasn't been single for however long she and her dp have been in a relationship.

However op and her dp don't have to move in together right now...they can wait until the timing is better.

All of these kids will have more changes coming up in their lives in the next couple of years which will likely make moving in and room allocation a lot easier

So at the moment between you and DP you can afford to run two households were all DC have their own room - but if you move in together you can’t afford for them all to have a room of their own? How come? Are you moving to a more expensive area or something? There must be a way of affording 5 bedrooms.

Oh, poor girl. She really needs a base doesn't she?.

Isn’t this just setting up resentment between the children. Oh great, you’re here and I’m kicked out of the comfortable room and have to sleep in the sofa with no privacy.

I think that's a fair point, their ages and situations make this very tricky.

Is there any possibility of doing some sort of room divide? Are the rooms big enough? Your dd needs her own room for when she comes back - this should be the smallest room if there is one. Then your ds11 gets his own and the other two boys share the larger room with some sort of divide. Still not ideal.

Could you extend at all?

I would agree with this, even if the bedrooms are smaller or one of them is downstairs. I can't see how the sharing will work in a way to suit everyone.

"Just get a 5 bedroom house."
"If you're unwell, just stop being sick."
"If you're poor, just go and get some money."
"If you have mental health issues, just be happy."

That did make me chuckle

Have you asked the kids what their thoughts are?

I love MN at times! "Just buy a 5-bed house - simple solution!" We are not all that wealthy!! We're 44 and 49, both work, but no way could we!

What's the pressing need for marriage?
can you not continue to live separately and have a relationship rather than making your child homeless?

I couldn’t see a post like this but what about a room divider for his boys? They’d feel like they have their own space but you can divide up the space a bit. I’ve added an example photo (guess it’ll take time to be allowed). But basically it’s bunk beds with access from the right on one side and left for the other. Splits the room in two.

You would both "ideally" your kids to have their own rooms, there are 4 kids and you so that is a 5 bed. If you both want your "ideally's" then you need a 5 bed. If you need to compromise because you can't afford a 5 bed, then
DS 11 is the highest priority for his own room
DD 18 is the lowest because she is there the least

I would say either a massive bedroom for DS19 and DS16 to share, medium rooms for you two and for DD11,and a box room for DD 18.
OR
Find something with another room that could be used for another purpose when DD is at uni and turn into her room when she is home.

Why? His kids are home regularly. The daughter is not.

Your partners DS's have to share but they get the biggest/best room. Your DD gets the smallest/box room.
Not helpful i know but I would never move to a house where my dc couldn't have their own space to feel like home

Why? The daughter isn't living there, except holidays. The kids are living there