Has anyone had an emotional lesbian affair?

[loopylou246]

Feel like I’m going through it. Married heterosexual,
two kids. Need advice.

Do you love her?

No, men in general for me. Are you attracted to her physically?

Are you sure it's not just a crush (been there!). Are you spending a lot of time together or messaging a lot?
Also, is the other woman actually a lesbian?

If you think what you’re doing is in emotional affair territory then regardless of sex you need to halt it. Stop seeing her. Tell her that the friendship has become inappropriate. Then do some proper thinking about what it means for your relationship: is it still good, do you still want to be in it, has this woman been the catalyst for you realising that it’s run its course and you don’t. Whether you think you might be gay or bisexual is also something to think properly about - but it’s almost secondary here to some extent, if you don’t want to end your relationship, and are monogamous.

Yes..I am having one with a trans woman. I have a partner and 2 children.

They are not a lesbian as they are male.
Please don't be homophobic.

So you are having an affair with the opposite sex, which is different!

I've had a close bond and friendship with a female whilst married. I didn't want to have sex with her so in my eyes it was in no way an emotional affair. Are you actually sexually attracted to the woman or is it just a deeper level of friendship than you're used to?

Maybe a deeper level of friendship than I am used to I guess. It’s hard to say if I am sexually attracted or not. I feel like that’s all blurred lines.

the deeper level of friendship I am used to is probably something I need to think about. I don’t what to end my marriage and I don’t want to end our friendship.

So a man?

If you're heterosexual are you sure it's not just a close friendship? It's fine to love + be close to your friends it doesn't mean you're having an emotional affair!

Can you maybe explain what you mean by a deeper friendship, OP?

I suppose just deeper conversations about everything, more so than other friends. Enjoy each others company, want to be with her a lot. We get the train together to work a lot and we spend lots of time together. I look forward to seeing her more than I do anyone else which is what is concerning me.

Is she gay?

OP it sounds like you’re having a deep and connected friendship.

When I came out the closet and started talking to my partner, I wanted to rip her clothes off.

it was absolutely unmistakable that I was gay through and though.

A genuine - “oh fuck, THIS is what love and desire is supposed to feel like!” moment.

You’re having an affair with a man then?

This isn’t intended as a criticism but a genuine question, as I always find this really hard to understand - how can you not know if you are sexually attracted to someone or not? Surely feeling sexually turned on is like feeling hot or cold - if you’re feeling it, you know?

That just sounds like a best friend to me. Its healthy to have close friendships, I really don't think you have anything to worry about at all. Are things ok with your partner?

Thanks for the all the responses. I suppose when I say I dont know if have sexual feelings it’s more that I feel like I lust after her in a way that I haven’t with anyone else before but couldn’t imagine having actual sex with her. I haven’t had sex with a woman before and that’s not something I’ve ever thought/fantasised about to be honest.

its a strange one. I respect her, really enjoy her time, want to be around her and look forward to seeing her/messages from her more so than other friends which is why I’m feeling confused at these feelings. You know the feeling where you look forward to someone’s name popping up on your phone? I have that feeling. My marriage is good, sex is good with my husband too. Two kids in the way of sex life sometimes but think that happens with a lot of couples

This is a tough one, as I was in a similar situation twenty years with a female colleague. I'd experienced all the thoughts snd feelings you ate having to the point I was thinking about her when having sex with my then girlfriend.

What stopped it for me, was that I applied to another section of the company I worked for, which meant not seeing the colleague in question.

School holidays are coming up, why don't you use this as a break from your friend and take stock in regard how you feel for her.

Take care

You must be feeling super confused.

Do you want to talk to her more than your husband?
Could you imagine kissing her?
Does the idea of kissing her make you blush, get butterflies, or feel a bit floaty and excited?
If she held your hand, would you feel a bit giddy and nervous?
Do you ever catch yourself staring at her and thinking how beautiful she is?

If so, it’s a crush. And it’s possibly an emotional affair.

Yes I left my then partner for her and we were together years. We split and now I’m with another woman. Was married for 11 years and only ever been with men.

Yes I think about her a lot. To be honest I think it’s one way. I don’t want to lose the friendship at all. I value her and want to have her in my life. Doing what I can to get through it and hope it’s a phase

Is she a lesbian ?

Don't you mean just another typical grubby affair with a male?