DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

[HannahU]

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

I've religiously attended every parent's evening and quite frankly think my time would have been better spent playing 5 aside football.

hes right. It doesn’t need you both to go. He can do the next one.

I’m guessing you haven’t attended any parents evenings in secondary school or you’re fairly disinterested in your child’s education and wellbeing?

At secondary, you have at least 9 teachers to speak to and so it’s do-able if there are two of you and you work out a plan so that between you, every subject is covered.

Also, we have expertise in different areas so, I speak to the Science/Business/Engineering teachers and DH covers Arts and Social Sciences.

For instance, I’m not going to have an in-depth discussion with the Music teacher compared to DH as I’ve no expertise in that area.

In DS’s second year at secondary school, I was able to raise the issue of him being bullied with several of his subject teachers who were very good at moving DS and ensuring he wasn’t sat next to his bully in their class. (Lots of teachers make the students sit in alphabetical order of surname to help them learn the students names and so DS’s bully always ended up sat next to him on a table for 2.) That was the year I had to attend alone and didn’t manage to get to speak to all the teachers.

So extra work for the teacher? 🙄

It really wasn't. I mean, are you ok? Between this weird angle you've decided to take and the almost reflexive "I'm not even a parent"s, I'm beginning to think you're having a bit of fun at our expense you rascal

Nope, just contributing the same as everyone else.

Being "seriously unimpressed" because a fellow adult doesn't attend a totally optional event is just weird behaviour, when you think about it.

Why should the teacher have to entertain this nonsense?

What the hell has you having any knowledge of the subject got to do with anything?! You are not having an in depth conversation about physics, but about your childs performance!

Unless you are "that" tiresome parent who needs to prove how much they know.

"S/he is doing well but is easily distracted" is what you need to know, your own knowledge is irrelevant!

If it doesn't require both parents, why does it usually fall on the mother to do it?

Do you really think the OP could ask her child's father to go solo, even with plenty of notice and planning, and that he would agree?

I have no idea - maybe they worry more about what the school will think of them, maybe they're more easily guilted into feeling it's vital to attend.

I mean, it technically doesn't require any parents - it's totally optional your child won't be expelled or doomed to a life of crime if you don't go, lol.

I've worked in a wide range of schools and generally expect both parents to attend. I know some can't due to work commitments or lack of a sitter, but playing football doesn't really cut it.

If I'm being directed to meet you, I expect you to come to meet me.

DH once did it solo as I was doing appointments with 'my' parents at the same school.

His attitude stinks. Regardless of whether he is needed at parents evening, he had already agreed to go and didn’t have the courtesy to discuss the football situation with you, instead he did what he and his mate wanted and then informed you.
How would it have been if you’d called him and told him you’d decided to make alternative plans?

It never occurred to me that we’d both go and I don’t often see two parents at the appointments. We usually split them so we each do something for one of our children. Or one of us deals with the ballet driving and the other does parents’ night etc. We usually can’t sort out both of us being available anyway.

This really wouldn’t bother me but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bother you of course if it’s an unusual situation for you.

ahem.... yes

that's because I attend in secondary that I know we have a timed slot for a start and it's neither the time nor the place to have an in-depth discussion about yourself😂

Half meetings are online now anyway, which are so much better than face to face, faster and more efficient for anyone.

WHY on earth would you wait for parents teacher to discuss bullying?
I can book a phone call, book a face-to-face meeting, I have the teachers emails. No way on earth would I, or have I, waited a single day for discusing bullying and similar matters.

It's also irrelevant if my own degree has nothing to do with the subject in question, it's about my child, nothing to do with me.

FWIW, at my now year 12 son’s year 10 and 11 parents evenings there were loads of students with both parents present.

But you're meeting parents as part of your job. They don't have to attend if they don't want to or don't feel the need.

Agree with this. Surely one parent goes & updates the other? Take it in turns!

has the OP even consider telling her DH: you go, I am booked for this and that with my friends that evening?

Too often if falls on the mums because they are the ones volunteering to do it. On MN, because in real life, I see half and half

I’d be really annoyed. Not because both parents need to Ho - that’s a red herring. The point is you had both agreed that you would both go. And he has disregarded that without even checking in with you. With some ridiculous story about not wanting to let his mate down. Well he hadn’t made a commitment to his mate had he? The commitment was to you b

Who did all the work to make that happen ie organise a babysitter, sort out any other arrangements with the DC? If it was you, I’d be doubly annoyed.

As a teacher, this is also my experience! I cannot believe how common it seems on this thread for only one parent to attend. In the past three years I have had only 3 meetings where one parent attended and for two of the cases it was because a child in the family was hospitalised.

It’s a really good opportunity for the non-default parent to see the classroom and hear what’s going on.

How about next time you do something and he goes to parent night? How would he respond?

It doesn't require both partners to do lots of things that are part and parcel of being in a family unit, doesn't mean we should do everything solo

I’ve had 2 children go through secondary and don’t recognise this at all.
If they’re doing 9 subjects you’re talking about GCSE, so it would be really cringe for a parent to start wanging on about their expertise, not to mention your kid being embarrassed. Also it would be odd to discuss bullying with different subject teachers at parents evening. You wouldn’t wait for parents evening for starters but if you did you’d speak to the form tutor, SLT or pastoral who are usually floating about.

Unless he’s PLAYING for Wales or England, his child’s parent evening should be his priority. Unless he doesn’t care about his son’s education and/or thinks it’s “wife work”.

It’s not a coincidence that parents who model the importance of education to their children tend to have children who also value education and put the most effort in. Funny that. 🙄

Not only did both parents attend DS’s parents’ evening so did DS. So I think it is good to show DS that both parents are interested in what he has to say as well