DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

[HannahU]

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

I think I've been to one, maybe 2? DH always does them, doesn't need both of us there and he is perfectly cabale of remembering what was said.

What a dramatic response to not attending Parents Evening.

Why does the man get to bow out because an offer to hang out with his mates turned up?

I'm not so sure the replies would be so forgiving if a mother said "aibu to miss parent's evening because my friends want to go to the cinema?"

Fwiw, DH and I take turns. We've no family around so someone is at parent's evening and the other is at home with the kids.

Totally depends on your child’s age, ability etc etc
one of my kids is young and doing fine. It doesn’t need both of us at parents evening. The other is about to do GCSEs and is a bit of a coaster.

two completely different scenarios

Never seen that and I had kids at school from 1996 until 2022. So a wide range of teachers

I think that’s really sad and I’m sorry for you. What we do as parents is sometimes dull and tiresome but we do it anyway because we want to show an active interest in our children.

If it makes any difference, I had a similar opinions as you before I had children. My parents were a bit shit though and I just took it for granted that was the norm. I think it might even be the norm still. But the way my DC1 beamed after the first parents evening was so unforgettable. He won’t remember but I will.

I do it for them. I do it because I want them to know I care for them, I love them and they are worth 30 minutes once a year for me to engage and see how they are getting on. And I’m surprised at some of these replies because it’s asking so very little of parents to go and show that you are interested.

bit lazy if you think showing your face at parents evening is "taking your kids education seriously".

That's one of the least important thing you can do in term of your child's education.

lol, you really don't need to be "sorry for me".

My parents were (and are) fantastic. They helped me with homework everyday, taught me languages, taught me how to play chess and how to spot constellations. We travelled, hiked, tried new foods and new experiences all the time. As an adult they've supported me through university, through serious medical diagnoses and through starting a business.

They just didn't attend parents evening.

I'm sorry your parents were a "bit shit" but you don't need to project that onto other people.

I am an interested parent, I dont' need to wait for parents evening to discover any of this.

That's the point you are completely missing.

I forgot about dd’s y13 parents evening. Completely forgot to book appointments.

Dh often does them as I’m a teacher and they very often clash with mine. If he told me he’d arranged to do something with mates and I could go, I’d be telling him have a good time.

I’m going to guess this is a reception parents evening. It isn’t a milestone of any sort and all you’re going to get is 5 mins of something fairly generic.

I think it’s fine for only 1 parent to attend if the other is working, looking after other kids, has a one off event etc but I think it’s very shitty to choose a footy match over your own kid.

I used to be a teacher and it’s sad how many times one parent would go and it always happened to be the mother (sometimes the dad couldn’t make it for valid reasons but a lot of the time they couldn’t be bothered) and it’s a strong indicator of family life and how much they care about their child.

Its very rare you find dad go alone and mum go out with her mates instead.

Its a crap reason to miss your child’s parents evening.

I got a proper pasting when I posted about not attending DD's GCSE presentation evening.

She had already made her choices and as an "exceptional" student (their words) I knew that we would be in for what we got with the others, a sales pitch from all the departments who wanted her to choose their subject.

You would have thought I had said I was withdrawing her from school because I thought education to be pointless! Comments included me not caring at all about her and shouldnt have had kids.

Most seem to be missing the point, whilst I agree parents evening doesn’t require both parents attending he had agreed to go and then let’s op down last minute, you have every right to be peed off.

I really couldn’t get worked up about it personally. I’ve always done school events by myself and that suits me. And yes I do also work full time and I out earn him so it isn’t a case of me being the parent who is at home and available more.

DH and I always went to parents' evening together. assuming most posters on here are female, seems that mums are the default parent to go if only one attends

I agree with generic, "they are doing well"

and because schools are making it as mandatory as they possibly can for the kids to attend, the conversation is between the child and the teacher.
How do you think you are doing? Great.
For your next level/ steps, try to also do further research/ extra homework on this and that.

I, as a mother, could not be less needed in there 😂

I am a teacher and it is not rare

I don’t think it’s dramatic at all, perhaps you just have a lower bar when it comes to men/parenting.

My opinion is that if your child has something on once a year, you do that instead of seeing your mates for a game of football.

Do you value parents evening and make a point to prioritise it? If so, then I think it’s perhaps you that missed the point I was in fact making.

And my point is that an involved parent shouldn't need to attend Parents Evening because they already know how their child is doing in school, are already helping with homework and are already communicating any issues they have with the school.

Nothing to do with any bar, low or otherwise.

Ugh! Another man prioritising their own interests and hobbies over their commitment to THEIR family.

What’s the point of him, OP?

DH and I always went together to parents evenings apart from the time he was in hospital 2 hours away, recovering from a serious operation.

I got stuck in traffic yesterday and missed my son's parents evening. It was low stress because my husband finished up WFH early and popped along on his own. We try to both make things but stuff gets in the way. We each get very limited leisure time so actually an opportunity to spend time with friends in our specific situation might qualify as a reason to miss it depending on specifics. We've had previous parents nights where we've had specific worries to address and we both made absolutely sure we made those.

I feel like the people saying 'we never have both parents at parents evening, we take turns' etc are kind of missing the point. He made a commitment to you and your child, which he's easily dismissed for football because he didn't want to let his friend down...what about letting you down?

I attend performance, sports day, special assemblies, concerts, drama, and don't get me started on the list in Primary school.

It's just one more thing to go to, but no, I am not putting any value or making a point to prioritise it. I prioritise sport tournaments parents can attend a lot more frankly.

I respect the school making the effort of introducing the teachers to parents, so I politely go, but I can't say it makes any impact on the actual education. It's just a nice concept, but pointless aside from meeting someone face to face by curiosity.

I dont get all the smug "If you dont go, you dont care" comments.

You dont get a badge for going, or told "You took ten minutes out of your whole year to show up and be told what you already knew, well done you!"