DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

[HannahU]

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

And so many women making excuses for men who renege on their prior parenting arrangements for five-a-side football fgs.

I agree that there shouldn't be any surprises at parents evening (concerns about work or behaviour should have been raised and addressed by either party beforehand), but at Primary I always loved looking through their books, seeing what work they'd done, seeing the wall displays etc.
It was then really nice to go home and tell my sons what I'd seen and liked.
As a working parent it was often one of the few times I'd speak to their class teacher.

And I’m genuinely glad you enjoyed it.

It’s not parents evening as a concept I’m objecting to, more the posts from people acting as though it’s vital and kids will suffer lifelong trauma or go off the rails because dad didn’t attend this once.

By all means go, ask questions, look around - but it’s not essential and parents who choose not to attend shouldn’t be told they’re useless and don’t care because of it.

No pressure then.
What if "doing well at school" by your terms, is beyond their ability?

Yes big time In private school the teachers generally know chid better and have ore than 5 mins per child to discuss stuff

Would it have been just as nice if you had to pay and arrange childcare for the kids while you went?

I also love seeing the work they've done in primary. If only one of us could make it, the other took photos of the work to send to each other.

I think parents evenings are very different elsewhere than what I’ve experienced. My daughter is s2 now and we’ve had one parents evening - 4 weeks into s1. I went and met every one of her teachers and it was almost entirely pointless. They barely knew her, she’d barely done any work and I learned nothing. I do every single thing I can to stay informed and involved - pta meetings, volunteering every month, helping with homework, asking questions every day… I know plenty about what’s going on in school and my kids know I care.

I have honestly so rarely seen two parents at any of them. For my daughter’s s1 one, it was the same night as the primary school so my husband went to my son’s and I went to the high school.

They are very clear at both schools that these aren’t the opportunities for long conversations or to raise serious concerns, they are a chance to se the classrooms and meet the teachers. Any actual concerns are dealt with separately- time wouldn’t allow a proper chat and other parents and children can hear the meetings anyway.

BUT I think breaking a promise to your partner is rubbish and he should have had a better discussion about it rather than putting all the responsibility on you with a fake claim of being useless.

You’re the only one on this thread diligently responding to every single one where someone is saying it’s important to attend parents evening. It sounds like you’re compensating and the smiley faces are passive aggressive. That’s why I think it’s bothering you very, very much.

Are you trying to catch me out?
I was a lone parent for most of DS2's primary years. Fortunately I had good friends who were happy to mind DS2 for the 1 hour max I'd be away. It was very common for parents to arrange reciprocal childcare on parents evening.

Or I would already have DS2 in after school club and have finished work early/worked flexibly.

So football is more important than your son's education? Nice message to send to your child.

Even if you glean very little new info, or think parents evening is a waste of time or pointless, there's still the issue that OPs DH had agreed to go, and then a better offer came up - he wasnt stuck in traffic, or had a backlog of unavoidable work, or had an urgent dentist appointment, it was something entirely optional (I understand because my DH has used similar lines of not wanting to let his team down over school/family stuff)
And at secondary school parents evening is the way you get to meet your kids teachers. The last (online) parents eve, for DS (DH was present) we were completely amazed that the English teacher said he was doing really well, and praised a recent essay, because hes always been pretty lazy and disinterested in essay writing subjects, and previous feedback has generally been along the lines of "capable but does the least he can possibly get away with")

Unless my child was having issues at school, this wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Dh and I always attend together. Too often mothers are left doing all of these things alone, 'woman's work' if you like. They get all the hassle of arranging childcare, all the life admin, all the 'thinking and planning' and mental load. Parents evening is just another thing to add to the list, while men deprioritise it (and seemingly many women allow them to do so). I mean, op's husband has literally chosen not to let down his mate instead of not letting down his wife and child. Parents evening seems like a small thing, but I guarantee that the same men who don't show up to parents evening are the same men who don't bother helping with homework - another chore which undoubtedly falls to their wives to pick up. Fuck that, quite frankly.

No catch merely a simple question. . If I had to get someone to watch kids to go and look at work then would've needed to drive them an hour away, drive back and in reverse to collect. So wasn't worth it

Depends on the kid for me. Parents evenings are pointless if your kid is average or better as it’s just a couple minutes per teacher where they just confirm what you already know. Total waste of time.

Fair enough. I was fortunate to have a village school where I got to know lots of other parents. The afterschool club was also in the village.
If your only sitter is an hour away then yes it would make any sort of childcare very difficult.

Other options was paid babysitters. I didn't do school runs so didn't really know other parents. Eldest took herself and 2nd was a taxi child due to distance

And both bloody schools had stuff on the same nights on numerous occasions

Thank you, this explains why my experience of parents' evenings is so different from the majority here. My question was from a place of wanting to understand/learn. Disappointed but not surprised that the only other response was an unnecessary eye rolling emoji.

I was at a private prep school. They had a glass of wine available for the parents on parents evening. And maximum of 14 kids per school. Year Also obviously a closer relationship with them

DH and I have both done parents evening alone, and also together. If we've got any particular issues we want to address with teachers then we'll always make sure we both attend.