DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

[HannahU]

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

Unless your kid is struggling then it’s fine. I spent upwards of 30 parents’ evenings being told how splendid my child was. It was quite dull and definitely didn’t take both of us.

Utterly depressing that still (based on many replies), in this day and age, it’s mainly the mother who is flying solo at parents evening.

Urgh.

Parents evening doesn't require both parents. YABU.

We always attend Parent’s Evenings together. I think it shows a united front and shows the teacher that the child has two parents who show-up when required. Obviously work commitments trump PE but I’d be pissed off if he sacked it off to play football. Children come before mates.

I don't think we ever attended a parents' evening together. I've just been to my last one ever, as dc2 is in Y13. It really doesn't need two of you there. I'm a teacher, if that makes any difference, and it certainly wouldn't remotely occur to me to expect two parents to attend. If you work on the basis of only one parent needing to attend, playing in a football match is a reasonable reason. Dh and I have hobbies /classes on some evenings. It makes sense for the parent who's free to go to the parents' evening.

I suspect this only really causes problems in relationships where one parent shows a general lack of effort in other ways.

100%! It's about the signal he's sending to your DC. He's well out of order

Yes, I have been to a parents evening recently. My son is Year 10, so have been to plenty. If a parent needs to stay at home to look after a child fair enough, that's completely different or is working and can't make it. A parent putting his friend and a game of football before his child is quite different. Both parents should want to go, it's not about being needed. It shows a child, both parents are interested. My husband and I have always tried to go to parents evening together. Only twice it hasn't happened, and my husband had to go to one by himself, and another time I went by myself.

How old is the child? Primary school ones are usually unremarkable and don't tell you anything you don't already know. If you need to talk about something in particular you are probably better making an appointment at another time.

I'd be more annoyed if your child was later secondary school as you get so much information thrown at you it's useful to have 2 people listening in.

It is depressing isn't it. No one is saying it requires two parents but he didn't even check he just agreed with the assumption that the OP would still go. I can imagine he wouldn't have been so nonchalant if the OP had just unilaterally decided to not attend.

We always attend Parent’s Evenings together. I think it shows a united front and shows the teacher that the child has two parents who show-up when required.

Given that teachers themselves are regularly unable to show up for their own dc's stuff, it's not likely we would be bothered about this.

A man invested in his children and their education would make attending these events a priority.

Another dismal bloke, showing exactly where his priorities lie.

😂😂

I don't need to do any performance showing-up. Even in secondary, my kids teachers know very well that we are parents who do show up and are involved as much as is needed.

Don't do that. Teachers have enough to do without this nonsense.

It doesn’t need 2 of you, no idea why you are making a fuss, next time he can go and you can stay at home if it’s such a chore.

You think he would do it? 😂

It depends on how old your child is. For secondary, we always went together. I've been to one tonight and there was a lot of information and tips as my son is at a very important stage. At primary I wasn't told much I didn't know and it was over very quickly.

I am a woman, my kids education is a priority - my whole life is based on the location of the best school for them to start.

Parent-teachers meetings is not a priority. One of us go usually, but it really doesn't matter.

Team DH. It doesn't need both of you there, as long as the kids are doing well and there are no concerns. We used to take it in turns to spread the load. GCSE options parent teacher meetings are the only important ones.

Im interested in all the people who said they wouldn't be bothered, it only needs 1 person. Are you mum or dad?
My DH rarely made the effort for in person parents evenings and would likely prioritise sport or work (hes self employed)
Even if only 1 parent is required i bet 99% of times the default is that its mum

I don’t think parents evening requires both parents, only one of us goes as we have no childcare for our other children.

I would however be annoyed that you were planning to go together and he’s now cancelled for something else, it shows his priorities.

I'd have messaged straight back to ask why letting his wife and child down was OK.

Unless it causes you genuine inconvenience with childcare or anything like that I wouldn’t really be bothered however he could have checked in first hey

As a one off then it’s fine but if you’re always the default parent and he ducks out of things just assuming you’ll do the parenting then I’d be unimpressed.

Default parent at parents evening is me, but my dh does his best to attend - much easier now dd has online-only parents evenings.

The way we see it - parents evening is mostly pointless for BOTH of us as we know how dd is doing. But we parent very very equally - for us it’s about dd seeing that we are both attending and taking an interest.

My dd would definitely notice if dad sacked off parents evening for a night out with his mates.