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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

271 replies

HannahU · 09/10/2025 18:02

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

OP posts:
Beamur · 09/10/2025 18:03

Got his priorities sorted eh? Mates over kids...

GlastoNinja · 09/10/2025 18:04

I did all our parents evenings alone as husband is a nurse but I would not be happy if he prioritized his mate over his family

Wolfwhistles · 09/10/2025 18:04

It’s fairly rare to have both parents at parents evening and you can update him. He can go next time while you do something else if you want to.
Not a big deal in my book and I take my kids’ education pretty seriously.

LlynTegid · 09/10/2025 18:04

Unreasonable. I expected it to be watching Wales v England, which I could just about understand. He could have used that as an excuse to say no. Or just get a backbone and say no when it is the right answer.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 09/10/2025 18:05

We’ve only ever taken turns at parents evening I don’t think it needs two tbh.

TheatricalLife · 09/10/2025 18:05

I really wouldn't be bothered really. DH and I have done parents evenings without each other in the past. Having both parents there isn't really necessary.

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 09/10/2025 18:05

In this situation i would pretend I'd forgotten what was said and suggest he books a separate appointment with the teacher to discuss. He has decided you are his assistant.

travelallthetime · 09/10/2025 18:05

perfectly fine I think unless its year 9 and options or year 10&11 and gcse's. Otherwise I am sure you are fairly capable of seeing the teacher and updating your DH. He can do it next time so you dont need to

Sassylovesbooks · 09/10/2025 18:06

It's not about your husband being 'needed' at parents evening, it's about him WANTING to go because he's interested in your child's progress and education. Ultimately, if he'd wanted to go, he'd have told his mate No, and the reason why. He wasn't bothered about attending, so said yes, and made a lot of excuses up to you, to make himself feel better, because deep down he knows he should be going. Yes, you have every right to be miffed.

BlueberryLatte · 09/10/2025 18:07

We've never been at the same parents evening together due to not having anyone to watch the children. But the fact he can come and just wants to play 5 a side is pretty bad. I wouldn't be impressed at all

ThatRealLemonCat · 09/10/2025 18:07

I find it weird to have 2 parents turning up for parents evening, and they're usually a waste of time, so I am with him.

As long as you only have 1 child and one adult wasn't needed to stay at home with the others, no big deal.

He can go to the next parents evening and you have the evening off yourself. Take turn.

EchoedSilence · 09/10/2025 18:07

It wouldn't bother me. I mostly did parents evenings on my own. Doesn't need two of you.

Luxio · 09/10/2025 18:07

I think those saying they go alone because their partners work are missing the point. He chose to prioritise his friends in a football match over his child. It's a good job the OP didn't decide she'd rather go out with her friends isn't it.

PensionMention · 09/10/2025 18:08

I would kick of and it would not be in the footballing sense.

jeaux90 · 09/10/2025 18:08

Cool, he does it next time yes? Seriously no, he’s a dick.

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/10/2025 18:08

That's a bit shit and says loud and clear to your kid that parents evening is not a priority for their parents. Me and DH always went together knowing it was important for the kids and showed them that we actually cared about their school life.

Zanatdy · 09/10/2025 18:08

Annoying, but my ex put so much ahead of his kids. Football. Working overseas. I attended all parents evenings and of course wouldn’t put a game of football ahead of my kids education.

ThatRealLemonCat · 09/10/2025 18:08

Sassylovesbooks · 09/10/2025 18:06

It's not about your husband being 'needed' at parents evening, it's about him WANTING to go because he's interested in your child's progress and education. Ultimately, if he'd wanted to go, he'd have told his mate No, and the reason why. He wasn't bothered about attending, so said yes, and made a lot of excuses up to you, to make himself feel better, because deep down he knows he should be going. Yes, you have every right to be miffed.

Have you been to parents evening recently?

Nothing new or really relevant is said, unless you have a child who really struggles and by then you'll know anyway.

The best teachers tell the kids where they need to improve, which is great, but you really do not need 2 parents to witness that, one is more than enough.

ResusciAnnie · 09/10/2025 18:09

I only ever go to parents eve by myself, DH stays home to look after the kids 🤷‍♀️ have you got a babysitter or are you taking them with you?! Rarely see kids at parents eve at our schools.

Freshstartyear25 · 09/10/2025 18:09

Its only been one of us at parents evening because we have other children so someone always stays at home to watch them. However on this occasion, your husband could go but decided he is more interested in his mate’s football rather than his child’s progress. He’s telling you where his priorities are and I’ll be so pissed off as well.

Coconutter24 · 09/10/2025 18:09

Really wouldn’t bother me, parents evening doesn’t need 2 parents

Littletreefrog · 09/10/2025 18:10

Unless it's maybe Reception or Year 11 parents evening I can't really see the issue and even then it only takes one to listen to the teacher and report back to the other parent. I assume from your OP you don't have any major issues you were planning to raise with the teacher

Lucy5678 · 09/10/2025 18:10

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 09/10/2025 18:05

In this situation i would pretend I'd forgotten what was said and suggest he books a separate appointment with the teacher to discuss. He has decided you are his assistant.

Yeah, waste the teacher’s time over a petty domestic dispute. Great idea.

OP I think it depends - if we’re talking about an otherwise involved Dad and a child likely doing fine in mid primary level I would let it go. If it’s about a child in yr11 or with something likely be an issue (SEN, behaviour, struggling with something) then fair enough to want him there.

HeadsWinTailsLose · 09/10/2025 18:11

For 2 DC, so if we just go to year 11 that’s 48 parents evenings i think and I did all bar one by myself, it doesn’t need both of you there.

TheatricalLife · 09/10/2025 18:12

It's not picking football over his kid. It's picking football over a teacher telling him about his kid for 10 mins tops. If it was missing a school play or something the child would be disappointed about it would be different. I've had two kids through primary and secondary and never had anything said at a parents evening that I wasn't already aware of or that needed two parents to recall. Anything important is picked up through the year.