DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

[HannahU]

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes.

He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after!

AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

‘I’m not even a parent’. That explains it.

IME its not worth you both going especially at primary school. Ten minutes chat and a look through their books. Any serious issues would already have been flagged and not have waited until parents evening.

We used to tag team. I would go to one, he would stay at home with the other kids then the next time we switched around.

better because their dad / or mum also said "good evening Mr so and so" and thank you and good night Mr So and So once or twice? 😂

You must have pretty low standards if that would make any difference

And was that because they were working or because they just couldn’t be bothered to go/ wanted to ditch the pre-planned parents even to go out for friends?

Even so, good for you that it didn’t matter but it does matter to some children. It’s only 10 mins as you say, so why wouldn’t you do that that ‘pointless’ 10 minutes to go and then feedback that praise to your children, letting them know that both you and their teacher recognise their hard work?

I mean you’ve probably spent more than 10 minutes on this mumsnet thread alone, and that really is entirely pointless. Surely 10 minutes with children’s teacher to talk about their progress is marginally more worthy than this?

I mean, I did go through school myself and my parents attended maybe three Parents Evenings between them.

I didn't realise you had to be a parent to give an opinion

You really don’t get it. Not to worry. Have a great evening!

Well I am and tbh I agree with her. I went because its what you do but I cant say that I ever learned anything from it.

They just couldn't be bothered. They'd been at work all day and didn't want to traipse all the way back to school at 7pm for a generic chat with a teacher.

It was a 30 minute drive each way for them, so I don't blame them for not going.

And yes, this is pointless, but it also didn't require me to get dressed, leave the house, drive in the dark and rain, sit on an uncomfortable chair and then do the same in reverse, for the sake of a 10 minute conversation.

It doesn’t really need both parents to attend. Take it in turns.
I don’t think your lives have to end because you’ve had children.
A happy balance of leisure time for everyone in the family is desirable.

My kids are doing great, you are the one who doesn't get it.

If you want me to be clearer, It's more cringey than anything when 2 parents show up. One is enough.

Tbh if DH had said to me "Do you mind if..." I'd have said to go play football. Parents evening doesn't require two.

However, I would be seriously unimpressed by the assumption it was ok and the "don't want to let him down" comment would annoy the shit out of me.

If you've said you're coming somewhere with me, related to our children or other, then I expect him to have the manners to have at least a brief chat if he wants to bail for a better offer. Not an announcement that I'm going solo.

Quite.

I remember sitting through one in Y7 - my mum went because it was a new school and she thought she should. It was pointless - mostly waiting around only for Mr X and Mrs Y to say absolutely nothing important, lol.

Well yes, I suppose I was also find parent’s event entirely pointless if I had to attend only for my non-existent kids.

I always see two parents at our school. The school has a little waiting area set up outside each classroom because the expectation is you will be bringing your child(ren) and they will wait outside the classroom.

No it doesn't. I'm a parent of 3 and I think majority of parents evenings are a waste of time

I’m a teacher. Definitely doesn’t need both parents, and I’ll make zero judgements about the family based on who turns up. Pretty common just to get dad on his own as well.

It wouldn’t bother me, but only one of us has ever gone to our dcs parents evenings. I made their dad go to the last one (online) last minute as I’d been out for a boozy work lunch and was late back (and possibly not in a fit state to chat to teachers). We’re not together but he still managed to bargain that he’d do this one, but I had to do the next 3 ffs 🤣

That’s a shame, I think it depends on the parent/teacher dynamic. Parent evenings have so far been very insightful for us as a family, and have helped us focus on areas we can better support our DC. We value education highly though and make very good use of the small amount of time the teachers are able to give us.

Hilarious 🙄

It wouldn’t bother me but if it bothers you that’s what counts.
Ive done them alone. DH has done them alone. We’ve also gone together.
its just what suits both of you at the time. If You’re expecting to hear something you will not like then I understand you might really want him there. If my friend needed me for something that DH was going to present the family at then I’d say yes to them too. No one is at fault here

A few times my dh couldn't attend parents' evening because he had to work.

I would never have said could you do it for me next time because I'd always wanted to know what was said in person. And to have my say.

So many women putting up with uninterested fathers. Parents evening should be both parents unless you genuinely can’t get a babysitter or work constraints. Op a football match over parents evening wouldn’t even cross most serious parents minds. People need to start taking their kids education more seriously.

So weird people are talking about a generic update. I never felt that teachers were doing this. It always felt very carefully honed information about my child to me.

Nice try. I value their education and always supported it, still do for youngest who is still at school.

I just do not see how being told, twice a year, "Oh no problems, she works very hard and is a delight to teach" made much difference to DD3's eight 9;s and one 8.

Also it's cringey if both parents turn up? I mean who cares? That sounds like a teenager's concern