Page 3 | DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

HannahU · 2025-10-09T17:02:14+00:00

DH was supposed to be accompanying me to parents evening later. He messaged me this afternoon to say his mate is short on numbers for his 5 a side football and asked him to do a favour, so he ‘didn’t want to let him down’ he said yes. He says it doesn’t need both of us at parents evening and I’ll be better at remembering what was said to update him after! AIBU to feel a bit peed off at how casual he is with this?

TheNightingalesStarling · 09/10/2025 18:29

Does this mean you are not just doing the meeting by yourself (which is OK...) but doing so while watching the child (children?)

One of the most stressful parenting experiences I had was dealing with my toddler while trying to have an in depth SEN meeting for my 4yo.

ThatRealLemonCat · 09/10/2025 18:30

Fizbosshoes · 09/10/2025 18:25

Im interested in all the people who said they wouldn't be bothered, it only needs 1 person. Are you mum or dad?
My DH rarely made the effort for in person parents evenings and would likely prioritise sport or work (hes self employed)
Even if only 1 parent is required i bet 99% of times the default is that its mum

I disagree

I am mum, but when I go, half the "parent" attending are male. There might be one or 2 couples, but it's quite an even mix of "single" parent male/female.

It would be obvious if it was a majority of women, and it really is not.

Bournetilly · 09/10/2025 18:30

Fizbosshoes · 09/10/2025 18:25

Im interested in all the people who said they wouldn't be bothered, it only needs 1 person. Are you mum or dad?
My DH rarely made the effort for in person parents evenings and would likely prioritise sport or work (hes self employed)
Even if only 1 parent is required i bet 99% of times the default is that its mum

Im mum and I think only one person is needed.

I’d rather be the one who goes as I want to speak to the teacher myself and look at DCs books.

DH would be happy to come and does attend all other school events but we can rarely go together anyway as we don’t have childcare for our other children in the evenings and couldn’t take multiple young DC with us.

I do agree though if people go alone it’s most likely to be the mums, but a lot of them probably want to be the one to go.

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:30

Londonmummy66 · 09/10/2025 18:27

I'd have messaged straight back to ask why letting his wife and child down was OK.

Are you always so dramatic?

Brainstorm23 · 09/10/2025 18:31

I don't think both parents absolutely need to go to parents evenings but 5 a side is a pretty poor reason to get out of it if he was previously planning to attend.

RubySquid · 09/10/2025 18:32

Sassylovesbooks · 09/10/2025 18:06

It's not about your husband being 'needed' at parents evening, it's about him WANTING to go because he's interested in your child's progress and education. Ultimately, if he'd wanted to go, he'd have told his mate No, and the reason why. He wasn't bothered about attending, so said yes, and made a lot of excuses up to you, to make himself feel better, because deep down he knows he should be going. Yes, you have every right to be miffed.

But tbh you don't actually get to know anything much from parents evening. You " may" get some stats but never really anything very useful. My eldest when at school had to make appointments for me to see the teachers she chose ( obviously the ones that were less likely to moan about her) Pretty pointless imo

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:32

Fizbosshoes · 09/10/2025 18:25

Im interested in all the people who said they wouldn't be bothered, it only needs 1 person. Are you mum or dad?
My DH rarely made the effort for in person parents evenings and would likely prioritise sport or work (hes self employed)
Even if only 1 parent is required i bet 99% of times the default is that its mum

I'm not even a parent.

But my parents rarely came to parents evenings and they certainly never came together. I think they probably came to 3-4 throughout my whole time at school.

The whole thing is a pointless waste of time, IMO.

AntiBullshit · 09/10/2025 18:32

Kids have been back a month and already parents evening.

jonny fidgets in class
then tell him to stop

jonny doesn’t always pay attention
He’s 5 what do you expect

The worse in secondary school Tutor parents evening. How bloody crap. Your DS is an excellent student but sometimes their mind wanders - no shit Sherlock

Littletreefrog · 09/10/2025 18:32

HannahU · 09/10/2025 18:16

Utterly depressing that still (based on many replies), in this day and age, it’s mainly the mother who is flying solo at parents evening.

Urgh.

I think it's more the available parent to be honest. I mean there is a different conversation as to why that might more often be the mother but for us it was the father, I think I've only been to 2 or 3 in my life with 2 kids the youngest now being in year 11.

Sienna61 · 09/10/2025 18:33

I can’t imagine any parent who is actively involved in their child’s education not wanting to attend parent’s evening. DH and I wouldn’t dream of missing one, neither did our own parents.

Brightbluesomething · 09/10/2025 18:33

Is he this rubbish with every other aspect of parenting?
I did nearly all parents evenings alone. Even dragging a toddler along as ex wouldn’t look after DC2 so I could go to DC1’s when he didn’t want to go.
Interestingly now he’s realised how crap he was he has been to a couple since DC2 started high school.
They are a bunfight and always run late. Can’t see him attending all of them. But that’s why DC2 has me.
Kids know who’s always there for them, and who isn’t.

Gloriia · 09/10/2025 18:34

Just take turns. Next time make sure you have plans.

Parents evenings are the biggest waste of everyone's time imo. Teachers say the same stuff (if they can even remember who they are talking about) and if there are problems it will have been addressed well before parents evenings anyway.

Plenty more ways to show support to kids by reading with them every night and attending school fayres and shows.

MagicLoop · 09/10/2025 18:35

Fizbosshoes · 09/10/2025 18:25

Im interested in all the people who said they wouldn't be bothered, it only needs 1 person. Are you mum or dad?
My DH rarely made the effort for in person parents evenings and would likely prioritise sport or work (hes self employed)
Even if only 1 parent is required i bet 99% of times the default is that its mum

I am mum. I attended more than dh because I worked pt for most of the dc's school career and I was often able to get away earlier at the end of the day. But dh attended some (without me) and always was happy to if I had other commitments or it was less convenient for me.

If both parents want to go, great. But people are mistaken if they think the teachers make any kind of judgment about whether one or both parents come.

Gloriia · 09/10/2025 18:35

'Your DS is an excellent student but sometimes their mind wanders - no shit Sherlock'

Bitzee · 09/10/2025 18:36

2 parents at parents evening is overkill unless it’s Y9 or something where you’re going to get bombarded with loads of information on exams.

We always alternate each DC. So last time DH did DD and I did DS. This time the other way around. We typically do that with all school things so we both get to put faces to names with the ridiculousness of spending £££ for a babysit for school stuff.

In your case I don’t see the issue so long as he wasn’t supposed to be looking after the kids and he doesn’t make a habit of not showing up to stuff. Next time can be his turn whilst you stay home.

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:36

Yes sure, it only takes one parent. But he had the CHOICE to go, he actually chose to play a game with his mates over doing this for his children. He will miss the opportunity it’s to ask any questions you may not think of, miss hearing first hand the ways he could support their education. What a piece of a shit.

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:36

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:36

Yes sure, it only takes one parent. But he had the CHOICE to go, he actually chose to play a game with his mates over doing this for his children. He will miss the opportunity it’s to ask any questions you may not think of, miss hearing first hand the ways he could support their education. What a piece of a shit.

It's only Parents Evening. it's really not that big of a deal

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:37

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:36

It's only Parents Evening. it's really not that big of a deal

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It speaks volumes about your priorities.

Littletreefrog · 09/10/2025 18:38

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:36

Yes sure, it only takes one parent. But he had the CHOICE to go, he actually chose to play a game with his mates over doing this for his children. He will miss the opportunity it’s to ask any questions you may not think of, miss hearing first hand the ways he could support their education. What a piece of a shit.

If he thinks of any important questions he can ask them at another time. Parents evening isn't the one and only time to talk to the teacher. Parents evening is normally rushed and chaotic and not really the time for talking about anything important which should be raised by either the teacher or the parent at the relevant time not stored up for parents evening.

Londonmummy66 · 09/10/2025 18:38

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:30

Are you always so dramatic?

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If you'd had to put up with as much crap as I have over the years you'd be dramatic too.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 09/10/2025 18:39

It's not great but it more depends on the year and how reliable your DS is.

If you regularly get loads of good news about performance and attitude, it's not so desperate, but if your DS is someone who struggles with friends/ work/ both, then it's important to get an update. That said, your DH is probably right about you being able to pass on the info this once.

HazelHedgehog · 09/10/2025 18:39

Would not be a big deal. If there is an issue schools tend to tell, they don't wait for parents evening.

Strawberry53 · 09/10/2025 18:40

This would annoy me no end, in fact I’d say excuse me but we have parents evening and you’re letting me down! Assuming you’re female this is just another classic tale of the Mum having to do the heavy lifting in terms of the mental load and emotional labour in a family dynamic. He should be prioritising his kids and be interested in how they are doing & want to go with you. It’s a very valid and understandable excuse to give his mate as well.

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 18:41

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:37

It speaks volumes about your priorities.

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Only if you place a whole load of value in a 10 minute generic chat with a teacher.

SoOriginal · 09/10/2025 18:42

Littletreefrog · 09/10/2025 18:38

If he thinks of any important questions he can ask them at another time. Parents evening isn't the one and only time to talk to the teacher. Parents evening is normally rushed and chaotic and not really the time for talking about anything important which should be raised by either the teacher or the parent at the relevant time not stored up for parents evening.

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Genuine question… if he’s not part of the discussion then how will he ask questions relating to it?