To be annoyed at bf spending on a game when we've got baby stuff to get?

[ChosenHenry]

Hi, I’m new here so not really sure how this works but just need to get this off my chest.

Me and bf live together with our baby who’s 11 months. He’s just got paid from his apprenticeship and the first thing he did was buy that new FC26 football game for £56. We actually ended up having a row about it because I feel like we don’t have the spare money for stuff like that right now.

Only last week we had to borrow from his dad to cover food and nappies, so I’m struggling to get my head around why he thought it was a good idea to spend £56 on a game. I know it’s his wages and he works hard, but it feels like I’m the one constantly thinking about what baby needs and he just wants to treat himself.

I don’t want to be controlling but it feels unfair. We still need to get baby’s winter coat and shoes for when he’s walking and now I’m stressing again about how we’re going to stretch things.

AIBU to be this annoyed? Or should I just let him enjoy it since he is the one working?

If baby is now 11 months old you could put baby in nursery and go back to full time work. Then you would be able to afford food and nappies without needing to borrow from baby's grandpa. You need to sit down and work out together what baby's needs are for month, and how much you can both contribute financially. Apprentices don't earn much, would you be able to get a UC top up?

Your boyfriend was selfish but while your contribution is the childcare you could try to find some evening work eg bars, restaurants. Or you could look at a childminder if you don't want baby in nursery setting. If your partner doesnt earn over the AET for uc you will start to have regular appointments when baby is 1 to prepare you for work

I had to put my babies in nursery
to pay your UC because you’ve decided your child and time are more precious

drives me mad

Can I make a practical suggestion, have words nicely with him, he does need to think before impulse purchase if moneys tight, but also baby is young go to a charity shop, but second hand coat and wash it, they not in clothes long enough to ware out that age and untill 2 or 3 and not in a pram don't need shoes just a blanket 😍

If you think it’s such a fantastic deal then jack in your job and go on UC.

OP, I think you are coping well in a difficult situation. Try to ignore the closing the stable door after the horse has bolted posts and look at the ones with practical advice like @Btowngirl 's . The Monzo idea was a good one for budgeting I think... and also get the health visitors advice. I'm sure that your little one arriving early and needing extra care must have been very hard and is bound to make you more concerned for their health - but you sound sensible and resilient and will get through these early months to a place where she will seem more robust.
Seek out as much practical advice as you can that relates to your area.
I think now that you've had the chat with BF about spending, move forward and focus on what can be done next in terms of planning and budgeting.. Its good that he's on an apprenticeship scheme and is getting valuable employment skills and experience which will be a great help in the future.
Also, take care of yourself too, getting out for a good walk with baby can really help when you are worrying a lot and they are a bit fret ful. Wishing you, BF and baby all the best x

Oh shut up no one forced you to put your baby in nursery. I highly doubt your wages is paying her UC. You do realise taxes go to other things than UC?

Your username suits you, your really are bitter and twisted being nasty and spiteful to a young mum

Any grown man who plays computer games is always a waster.

YANBU. This is the 'broken paypacket' where what he wants comes above the needs of his family. His age isn't an excuse and it wouldn't be treated as one of it was you spending it on games. As for the expectation that you should bend to make up for his shortcomings, you'll soon learn that the pandering to men who do things like this is never fucking ending.

He isn't a grown man. He's a teenager.

You're both going to need to work you are not coping financially at all you need to In the meantime sit down look at outgoings and see what's being Spent where it Is hard if your town has limited opportunities for work I live in a similar town in terms of the game I wouldn't be happy given your circumstances your both very young you do sound like you need more support have you reached out to anyone like a health visitor they can point you to some services that could be useful

No, @ChosenHenry , YANBU at all. As some others have pointed out, needs come before wants, and kids needs come before the needs of adults. Your BF was unreasonable to buy himself an expensive game when you don't have enough savings to afford necessities if he is off sick from work.

I also think it's perfectly reasonable to want to stay at home with a baby that was born premature and is more likely to get more seriously ill from bugs other kids may just shake off.

I agree that you your BF need to sit down together to discuss how to manage money moving forward and work out a budget. In the meantime, as things sound very tight, have you looked into whether there are any baby banks near you? They may be able to help with emergency nappies, clothing, books/toys etc.

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/baby-product-information/baby-banks/

I can understand why you are nervous about nursery OP, but has your HV said he’s at more risk than any other baby?

Getting some qualifications and/or work experience should be a really high priority. Lots of couples twice your ages and in better financial positions split up, or have someone lose their job, or get sick. If you became a single mother or your partner couldn’t work, you’d be in a really dire position that it would be hard to get out of.

He's only just about to become adult, it'll take time for him to adjust to the practicalities of parenthood.

Same here. I had DS1 when I was 16 - he is 32 tomorrow! I went to uni, got a degree and now have a good career. Having a baby made me want more from my life.

BF is going to have to step up and realise babies clothes come before games. It does sound sensible to keep baby home this winter as he was very premature, but i’d look to getting a job next spring as two incomes is certainly better than one.

It's really sad that neither of you have support from your mums OP.

I would be very disappointed and sad if my son or daughter had a baby so young, but I can't imagine not getting over that and supporting them or not seeing my grandchild.
I just can't understand your Mum's attitude. She is missing out on so much and even though it's hurtful and it would be great for you to have her support she doesn't sound like a good person anyway.

You sound like a good mum OP, YANBU to be cross that your boyfriend bought the game when you had borrowed money to get by.
He is very young though so will act his age and do immature things sometimes. Hopefully he will realise that as you both decided to become parents then he needs to grow up fast!

Definitely do this

What a sensible post.

OP just pop to Argos, buy a time machine, go back and don't get pregnant.

In all honesty you have the rest of your life to do college etc. I had my kids fairly young and went to uni at 27 once the youngest was at school.

If you are entitled to Universal Credit you may not be any better off working at the moment anyway.

Make sure you claim everything you can and start to think about a longer term plan. I would probably try and work towards something other other than retail, just because that's so inflexible etc with kids. Is there anything you can train to do online? Perhaps plan for Sep 2026? Start small with a short or part time course?

Some people feel that those whose life doesnt follow their approved path should suffer. Ignore them. I ended up going to uni and have a senior management job now (I'm late 40s now).I have no regrets about missed career opportunities, but there are times I would go back and be more available to my kids, even if money was tight.

I know friends in their 40s and 50s who have had a financial splurge they shouldn't. You are fair to be pissed off with your DP but if it's not how he normally is, I would just point out why it's an issue and leave it at that.. But don't let people make you feel like you're crap parents.

You are doing an amazing job in difficult circumstances. Keep your chin up.

Lots of hardworking, responsible grown men (and women) enjoy gaming to relax, just as many people watch TV, listen to music etc. It's no different..

They do. But the previous poster seemed to be talking about grown men in the context of the ops boyfriend. He became a father last year at 16 years old. He's not even a grown man. I'm not sure what point that poster was trying to make tbh.

Apart from making sure you’re claiming everything you’re entitled to, I would get on the waiting list (as long as you don’t need to pay) for nurseries/childminders for when you plan on returning to work. You want to go for the ones which don’t charge as much above the funded hours. Even if you only have a few mornings a week, you can use that time to apply for jobs. It’s easier to up the hours at a nursery once you have a place. You don’t want to end up with over a year waiting list and not be able to get a job.

Short-term, some banks are providing money (Lloyds £200) for switching current accounts. If you both did that, it’s £400. Obviously you can only do it once but could help.

Also, have a look at any baby banks locally. My local baby bank has free clothes for up to 18months. Another local baby and children’s bank has a shop which is very cheap for clothes, even cheaper than charity shops.

speak to your hv about your concerns regarding child care my dd was born at 32 weeks low birth weight and there was no concerns about her being in childcare when I went back to work when she was 9m. I also took her to baby groups much younger

you need to be looking for work I don’t agree with your bf wasting money on a game but money being tight puts strain on a relationship no matter the age it’s relentless working full time and not being able to treat yourself as is constantly watching the pennies. You need to either get back to work to help support your family and in case the relationship doesn’t last

Hey listen, u know he’s a dick right? Forget him for a minute and start thinking how u would cope and manage without him. Cos you are already stressed.
start looking for your baby items on places like vinted. You will honestly get some really great items for way cheaper than new. Lots of coats and shoes. So don’t worry about things like that. Don’t stress about material things.
worry more that ur partner is not thinking of baby first because I honestly think u are going to have to come to a decision one day to get rid of him. You are being responsible and thinking ahead. Ur a good mum. Ur partner is reckless and selfish. U need to put u and ur child first. He is showing u cant rely on him financially. This will cause u so much problems down the line. I would start by putting money away for yourself and do not tell him. Get a budget on the go and MAKE HIM pay into it every month. If he doesn’t chuck him.

@crazeekat
Have you read all the op’s posts?
Her boyfriend is a child himself. He is 17.