If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

I work 4 days and earn more than DH. We have a cleaner. I do loads of laundry, some chores and the food shop on my extra day off. I still have some chill time. It gives us more time together as a family at the weekend when we don't need to waste time on chores.

Have one day off for yourself and use the other one to do housework.

What has money got to do with it? My husband earned 20 times what I did but when we both worked full time we did the same at home. My time is as valuable to me as his time is, no matter what his actual job may pay him.
So you have two days at home more than he does so yes do a few more chores (or pay someone else to do it).

Very good points from posters.
I'd go further - would live by myself.

I think if you had put a bit more of the info about your family situation in the first post, you might have got different answers, at least from anyone who knows anything about SEN kids.

I have a school refuser as well, and can be really draining. The constant emotional support, hypervigilance around what might trigger dysregulation, endless appointments... Add to that a feeling of having been forced to downgrade your career to accommodate it, and then the notion that you should be doing all the housework to let your partner have more free time and you're potentially in a marriage-ending state of seething resentment.

If your situation is anything like mine, you need those days to recharge, so take them without guilt.

No. It's about how many hours you are away from home not the pay. DH worked full time but also often had very long days due to travel. I worked two days a week when DC were little and housework etc was rationed accordingly.

DH and me earn a similar amount. He works significantly longer hours than me. I do ALL the housework. Why on earth would I sit on my bum, and then make us both do it later, when we could be chilling together instead? Makes no sense. You don't seem to be working as a team.

Depends on the type of marriage - we try to have the same amount of down time and view money coming in as ours. I’d also vote to hire a cleaner if you can afford it and it’s a source of contention!

So it's not actually about hours worked and income right now, is it? You need to have a proper conversation about this if it's affecting how you feel about the work/household division.

Removed as not relevant, misunderstood post.

I think I would. If I was working hard five days a week and dh was working three and dossing around the other two, I’d be peeved.

Ideally, you should have similar amounts of leisure time. So maybe one day housework and one day doing things for you?! Then your h won’t have to do housework at the weekends.

Wow, I'm so sorry you had to do that. That's terrible and your resentment is understandable. I'm not sure I'd be able to get past that either.

When I commented earlier that we divide up leisure time equally, it's because me and DH are a team and have always been a team.

I think I'd change my answer in the light of what you said. I think I'd be splitting down the middle in these circumstances. (Or I'd have split from him altogether, quite possibly ...)

Personally, I would want to chill together as a family on the weekends so I'd hrt the housework done on my off days. You don't need to be a martyr, clean on one day and chill on the next.

I would never say because one earns more they should do less. You are meant to me a team. Your contribution isn't about pounds, shillings and pence. Remember, this logic is what keeps lot of women in servitude for ungrateful and lazy men.

Personally, I feel a relationship is about the effort and energy, not financial input. As a pair, you have to equal 100%, made up of paid work, housework, childcare etc. What each person gives at different times may change based on mental load and schedules. If you have that 'give' in your schedule, why not do more of the housework? This doesnt mean not going for a coffee etc., or watching something in the background, but doing the things that you can so you have more time with the family together. Of course you should have a little 'you' time (coming from someone with a baby who is completely overtouched all the time), as should your husband if he wants, but that shouldn't be to the detriment of your family. But money shouldn't matter.

Again, no judgement, just my personal experience :)

It doesn't mean you need to do ALL the housework and clean for 8h on your days off. But the person who has more time should do more housework. It can't be that the lower earner has to compensate their lower income. Imagine working 12h shifts and then coking home to cook dinner cause you haven't earned your supper cause your income is too low

Just read your update. You clearly still feel a lot of resentment for your h, and perhaps rightly so. Do you think you will be able to get over it? Have you considered counselling?

Shocking you'd pose the question - I'd be glad to have time to see friends and have personal appointments but I'd also up my admin duties and housework on my 2 days off so as to have a balanced work load and chore free family time at the weekends.

Your latest update makes me less sure - otherwise I would say you should do more.

Do you have any aspirations you can follow on your days off? The reason I ask is I love creative writing but never have time. If I was forced out of a career because my 'D'H refused to help, I might be tempted to use my spare days towards my own aspirations as a middle ground between relaxing and housework.

Massive drip feed 🙄

I think you sound selfish OP and don't seem to understand the concept of a partnership, your view is very centred around yourself.
I think you should spend at least half of that time doing the housework and therefore freeing up the time for you to have evenings together and spend weekends doing fun stuff.
Why should you get 2 whole days to please yourself whilst your partner is working. It doesn't matter what you earn, you're a family and it should all be viewed as a family pot.

you'd be surprised how few dad's take the leading carer role when there are disabled children involved. it's almost alway the mum who ends up making the sacrifice. I also lost count of the families where dads just walked out and sailed completely off into the sunshine.

You need to sort oht his resentment somehow. It will only get worse as tome goes by and find a solution that if more fair and your husband cant just say no.

I am was in your position but I increased to full time and DH reduced hours as this was the best use of our time to max money and productivity. He works 30 hours a week now, I work 45 and he does all the housework and cooking etc. We're a team, we share all the money, we share all the work.

It’s a horrible, mercenary way to divide household labour in a marriage by earnings. Using the same logic, if a couple worked equal hours but one earned more than the other, the lower earner should be doing housework at the weekend while the higher earner puts their feet up and watches?

I think you should be getting equal leisure time. You're supposed to be a team and supporting each other. I'd find it quite degrading if my DH thought I should have less time to myself because he earns more, it's a bit like being the paid help. Well that's if you even share the money. Do you keep your extra income and have more leisure time?