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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

524 replies

namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 11:23

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

OP posts:
mjf981 · 10/10/2025 02:44

UncharteredWaters · 09/10/2025 11:51

Imagine if a man posted this.

‘I outearn dw and work 3 days a week, why won’t she do the housework after working full
time for less money - so I can game/Netflix on my days off.’ 🙈

This!!!

NImumconfused · 10/10/2025 09:41

mjf981 · 10/10/2025 02:44

This!!!

Show quote history

Not this!!! Read the OP's other posts.

hididdlyho · 10/10/2025 10:19

Housework is one of those things where you can always find things to be done. If your house is hygienic enough to raise kids in and presentable enough to have guests over, then I don't see the issue with not spending all of your days off doing housework. It sounds like your DH has fairly low standards for housekeeping, so chances are, if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't be spending his extra days off cleaning!

saffy2 · 10/10/2025 17:54

The housework needs doing by someone. I don’t think what you earn has anything to do with it personally. It’s about who has more time in my opinion. And that is probably you!

vickylou78 · 10/10/2025 17:59

Presumably you are married and a partnership so money should be pooled and be 'family money'. So what you earn is irrelevant in that respect.

I personally think you should both have equal 'time off' so I think you should do more of the housework than someone who works full time.

Lovehascomeandgone · 10/10/2025 17:59

Make the most of your two days off and do stuff for you. Everything should be 50:50 and if you earn more for less days then well done you.

Neemie · 10/10/2025 18:02

I don’t really get the issue. You have time to do the housework and have fun/watch Netflix.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 10/10/2025 18:02

FairyRobot · 09/10/2025 11:28

I wouldn’t do that personally. I see that we are a partnership, and both should be putting in as much ‘work’ as the other, whether that’s paid work, childcare or housework. It doesn’t matter to us who brings in more money, it’s about sharing the joint load. I would feel unfair if I was having loads of leisure time while he didn’t - not very team spirited….

Agree with this, sounds like a transactional cold marriage where a partner is judged on what they earn.

Can't imagine a man writing this about a stay at home mum.

If anything, the full time partner is doing more hours, so more tired.

Doesn't sound like you value your DH as a person OP and see him as beneath you.

K2054 · 10/10/2025 18:03

JacquesHarlow · 09/10/2025 11:32

Can we just reverse the examples here, and see what the response would be if the DH was proposing what the OP is?

I guarantee you the responses would be different !

I don't know, I think most people seem to think the OP is unreasonable. I know what you mean though, if it was the other way around I imagine there would be a lot of people calling him lazy.

Personally I would want to do the housework simply so we could spend time doing things with the children at the weekend and spend time together. Netflix or quality time with the children? Seems simple to me, but each to their own.

Grammarnut · 10/10/2025 18:03

I'd do some housework so we did not have to waste the week-end on it. And probably watch traitors, or better, write a novel.

SugarNyx · 10/10/2025 18:04

I run a business and work 12+ hour days. I earn a quarter of what my husband does. Should I be doing cleaning? No, because it’s a partnership and money doesn’t equate to personal value in a marriage. Every should be a split

Kelly1969 · 10/10/2025 18:04

namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 11:23

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

Don’t think how much you earn is actually that relevant.
But as you have more time at home it would make sense for you to do more than your DH.
That doesn’t mean you spend two days solid scrubbing the house but yeah you should do the bigger share of chores, wouldn’t that be the expectation if roles were reversed?
I am separated and actually work 3 days term time too, and when I was with ex I did all the housework so anything less than all the chores is a bonus to me!

SurroundedByEejits · 10/10/2025 18:05

My personal view is that each person in a household is equally responsible for the running of it and chores should be shared equally. If a person earns more and contributes more to the household, financially, that should not impact their domestic contribution. I'd hire a cleaner if I could afford it and use that time for me.

I don't see any reason why you should contribute more than your fair share of time AND money in a partnership.

I wonder how your Dh would feel if roles were reversed.

Humanswarm · 10/10/2025 18:07

Surely, if you have that time, you would want to take some of the flack and just get stuff done so you can then enjoy time together??

DryIce · 10/10/2025 18:08

Seems a bit mean OP! I work 4 days and still earn quite a bit more, I don't think I've bought more leisure time - I usually use that day off to organise the house so our weekends are free for all of us

Maddy70 · 10/10/2025 18:09

Earnings don't come into it. It's capacity

vickylou78 · 10/10/2025 18:10

I would add though that if you are tired from looking after children who are disabled or special needs you definitely don't need to feel guilty for taking time to yourself! Definitely rest where you can. But just make sure you both have time to reflect and relax so you can both keep going!

Ps. I hate cleaning the bathroom too... It's the worst!

Maia77 · 10/10/2025 18:10

Of course I would.

Notthatgameagain · 10/10/2025 18:17

I would do more housework than my DH if I had more spare time yes.

CantBreathe90 · 10/10/2025 18:22

Chocolateismylovelife · 09/10/2025 11:30

The person working less should do more in the home regardless of income.

This! Obviously, surely?

Mere1 · 10/10/2025 18:23

FairyRobot · 09/10/2025 11:28

I wouldn’t do that personally. I see that we are a partnership, and both should be putting in as much ‘work’ as the other, whether that’s paid work, childcare or housework. It doesn’t matter to us who brings in more money, it’s about sharing the joint load. I would feel unfair if I was having loads of leisure time while he didn’t - not very team spirited….

This is a sensible and mature response.

Carpedimum · 10/10/2025 18:25

Get a cleaner, it’s the most value for money expenditure imho. Of course we could do it ourselves and she might not do everything exactly as I would, and we do obviously still do certain tasks, but there’s a lovely high level of clean and tidy irrespective of how busy / tired / present we are and with it comes a calm and relaxed atmosphere so that I never feel guilty about a tv or book binge.

neighboursmustliveon · 10/10/2025 18:29

Personally I don’t think earnings come into family life. It’s about time. My DH works from home more than me but when he is in the office 2 or 3 days a month compared to my 2 or 3 days a week his commute is massively more than mine. We both now worked condensed hours but he starred earlier than me and I did feel it fair he did some house things on his day off. We now both do.

Earnings have never come come into how we spoilt house work.

I earn more than DH now but I don’t think I should do less than him.

TheLemonLemur · 10/10/2025 18:32

Op I work same hours as you yerm time 3 days its a great work life balance I'm grateful for and have more free time than a lot of people. I'm a single parent but if had a partner working full time I would be trying to ensure an equal share of free time. I do cleaning, load washing, dishwasher etc while catch up tv is on plus deal with any admin. You are meant to be a team wonder how you would feel if you were the 1 working full time thrn coming home to housework because your partner wanted to chill

Gwenhwyfar · 10/10/2025 18:34

Chocolateismylovelife · 09/10/2025 11:30

The person working less should do more in the home regardless of income.

Only if married imo.
If not married, why should the person who works fewer hours be penalised for it by having to do more housework? They won't get anything for it when they split up.