If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

[namechange0998776554799000]

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

So fucking stupid. People can have ambitions for their life that have absolutely nothing to do with earning more money, you know.

@namechange0998776554799000 i thought you were a raving lunatic from the first post. But your responses are refreshingly rare - ofc horrible to hear life is complicated, but your ability to self reflect, have a giggle and take on board opinions is a gift that is very rare on MN

For me, says a lot about the person you are. Not a raving lunatic after all 😂 😘

PS praying for some wage increase somewhere to enable a cleaner in the near future

💐☕🍰

Because when one of us had to give up work, I wanted it to be him. I'd put a lot of effort into my career, had a full time permanent role earning a lot more than him and I didn't want to give it all away. There were other practical reasons too, e.g. I don't drive so can't do school runs, his job was not secure and badly paid. On paper, it made me no sense for me to be the one to give up work. But he refused, I gave up my career and will never regain what I had before.

Like so many threads the OP isn’t really what this is about, is it @namechange0998776554799000 ?

He opted out of hard parenting because he knew you’d do it in spite of it not making any financial sense at all.

You understandably resent him and every time he suggests you aren’t pulling your weight the rage surfaces as you sacrificed more than he’ll ever admit to support your family.

I get it. I have two SEN children and work part time BUT my DH does a full share and we are a team.

I don’t know how you look at him to be honest.

No you’re exactly right, I don’t have someone else’s exact life. Don’t quite get the either dismissive or disbelieving tone re horrendous nights. Come round at 2am if you like, you can check for yourself.

The point I was making, whether you think it’s smug or not, is that there are full time working parents of disabled children. We exist. People make it work. That doesn’t mean everyone has to, but it’s evidently a possibility.

It’s also not magic, it’s childcare and flexible working.

What I absolutely cannot bare is the many, many threads and comments on here about women not working because a man decided it wasn’t convenient, or not being “able” to do things because husband refuses, or doing all the housework because it’s seen as woman’s work, etc.

There’s a huge choice in that. Who on planet earth allows a man to “make” them either work or not work, with no discussion allowed?

Surely we have to be better than that.

I was a SAHM for a while and never felt guilty about getting my nails done, going for a coffee with a friend etc. You can do both. You have two days off. Spend one doing chores and the other on yourself. Nothing wrong with that.

I work less than my husband and so I feel obliged to do housework, but he tells me to just leave it and put my feet up.

Thankfully I'm married to a very laid back man and he'd never expect me to be getting on with all the housework just because I'm at home and he isn't.

We tend to just tidy up as we go along and then deal with any bigger jobs at the weekend.

Agree with this. Dripfeeding vital info about your own health and DCs’ additional needs puts a very different spin on it and would have received very different comments up front. Your H isn’t a team player, so all the posts suggesting you spend at least some of your free time cleaning so that he doesn’t have to are redundant if he does no housework at weekends either way.

You have bigger issues than the one presented in the OP.

Unless you have a cleaner, why wouldn't the person with more 'free' time do the cleaning - unless you live in a mansion it wouldn't take more than a couple of hours. Then time at weekends etc can just be fun family time..

Given what you’ve been facing for the past few years, you would be entitled to sit on the sofa for several months without moving. Don’t sweat it. It’s been a LOT.

I agree…just get a cleaner. Love coming home to a clean house and can then enjoy my days off and the husband has more time too.

I think I’d do an hour cleaning on each of the two days and then have the rest of the time for myself. I world prefer a busy hour and then have the weekends almost chores free.

For me, it’s got nothing to do with earnings. Whoever has the most time does most around the house and picks up the slack.

In our house that changes week by week. Some weeks I’m really quiet in work so I will do more running around after the kids, laundry etc. Some weeks DH does it all.

All money is “our” money so who earns it is irrelevant. We try to keep our weekends free of chores so both do as much as we can during the week.

My husband works away 4 days one week 6 days the next, on his 4 day week he has a Friday off and I would never expect him to do the housework or any other house stuff that needs doing, unless he does it if he wants to, that's his day to chill and do what he wants.
He is really enjoying watching me get ready for work on the Friday (me with a face like a slapped arse 😂) whilst telling me what he plans on doing and even throws in that he might have a nana nap.

He does work hard and out earns me twice, but when I do take a day off on a Friday he says that its for us, or for me to chill and relax not to do house stuff.

Enjoy your days and I'm very impressed that you have managed to sort a work life balance with your 3 day term time job, that would have been a dream for me when my kids were small.

I would because otherwise we're enforcing the idea that a man can earn loads and not lift a finger around the house. Also, if I already had double the number of days off a week as my partner I'd not want him to have any less free time.

Who's got more time... You

Income is completely irrelevant.

Do you both have an equal amount of down time/free time?

Do you both have an equal amount of personal spending money?

This!

Is this a reverse?

Imagine if he were an industrial cleaner or farm worker or something else physically exhausting but underpaid and you sat at a desk for 3 days doing spreadsheets. Would it be ok for you then to sit on our arse watching Netflix. No of course not. Ffs. By the way if your job is the latter be prepared for your role to be displaced.

I work 3 days a week term time only
I work in the private school where we send our children so the staff discount is also of signifcant benefit to us

DH earns a lot more than me, running his own company......
I have inherited a lot of £ which is in our family pot. (all our £ is shared and "ours" and not mine / his)
(I was a SAHM until my youngest started reception)
Without me, him and his company wouldnt be where it is, and he wouldnt be doing as well.

I employ cleaners to clean our house.

I do all the house and child admin. I do all the cooking and shopping. I sort all appointments / car garages / boiler service / school stuff / birthday presents etc etc.
He sorts the garden (which is his main hobby / passion) but I pick and cook the fruit and vegetables he grows

I also use my days off for exercise classes at my local leisure centres, meeting friends for a cuppa / lunch and the occasional treat for myself. (as well as the school runs)

My husband wouldnt dream of telling me I couldnt sit down and chill or go on a lunch date or a spa day on my days off!!!

During school holidays I have our kids 24/7 and he doesnt have to give them a second thought. I can also spend what I want in the holidays and will sometimes take my children away on holiday by myself because me and the kids have a lot more holiday than he does.

We are both happy, we both think it's fair and it suits us.

This is so so derogatory towards parents of one child. It might be easier if they are babies but as they get older being the parent of an only child Carrie’s it’s own challenges that parents with more than one cannot comprehend so please consider that in future

I don't understand why these things turn into a competition, why does what you earn matter? My husband earns good salary, I've been a SAHM, but we are a team and both pull our weight.

I think as long as you are both happy it's fine, and aren't finding the house work piling up, and him feeling run ragged working full time + chores. I'd perhaps allocate one day every 2/3 weeks for a big clean, but otherwise would spend my day as I please with a few little chores dotted in.

My husband is self employed and if he has no work one day he'll go play golf or binge watch a series of something, it's fine. He might do slightly more house work than a usual day but not much more.

I'm on mat leave, also self employed, so had to save a lot in order to take the time off. There are opportunities in the day I maybe could run a hoover round but I choose to cuddle baby on settee with a coffee instead. I saved up to enjoy my time off not provide a maid service to my husband, just as you have decided to sacrifice extra money for more leisure time, not to do more domestic labour.

However, it's not about money. And i think it should be discussed for him to go part time too so you both have equal leisure time and pool money

I'd switch it so the dh worked part time, and you ft that would be more effective for all of you