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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

246 replies

scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:12

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 09/10/2025 10:14

YANBU, that's madness at that age. They're clearly just trying to get out of school. Honestly I just wouldn't answer your phone.

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 10:15

You need to sort this out with your kids rather than the school. Stop them trying it on. Dizzy ffs.

Butchyrestingface · 09/10/2025 10:16

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age.

Neither do I, but I'd have got a bollocking for doing what you've described. And there would have been no 'raiding' of the fridge or watching telly when we got home.

MagpiePi · 09/10/2025 10:26

The fact that the school won't let them walk home if they are 'ill' means that they realise that hordes of them would be leaving school 'ill' every day. By insisting they are collected it puts the onus on parents to manage the behaviour but it is unfair if parents are losing a lot of time at work. Surely having to spend the rest of the day in a boring sick room would be a good deterrent?

Would they expect @scaredfriend to drop her scalpel if she was the surgeon in the middle of a complicated surgery to come and pick up a child who fancied the rest of the day at home?

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:31

Butchyrestingface · 09/10/2025 10:16

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age.

Neither do I, but I'd have got a bollocking for doing what you've described. And there would have been no 'raiding' of the fridge or watching telly when we got home.

I did remove fridge goodies from said child and suggested that if they were too ill for school, they should probably retire to bed (taking their tech and the telly remote with me when I went back to work). Both children have had a good talking to about the impact on of my working day when I have to collect them from school.
I don’t doubt that on each occasion they were genuinely under the weather but neither were ill enough to need to be at home IMO and I’m a bit cross at the school for not stepping up and telling them to man up and go back to lessons.

OP posts:
angelcake20 · 09/10/2025 10:32

This is on your kids, not the school. I’d be having very strong words/actions. Having said which, my school definitely won’t let kids out unless they’re retching/temperature or we’d lose loads of them (with parental approval)!

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:34

It’s not the school’s fault if your children are telling lies. They should know better by that age. That’s what you need to address.

Brightbluesomething · 09/10/2025 10:34

Butchyrestingface · 09/10/2025 10:16

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age.

Neither do I, but I'd have got a bollocking for doing what you've described. And there would have been no 'raiding' of the fridge or watching telly when we got home.

This 👆I never left school as a teenager and if I did my mum would have given me a rollicking if I wasn’t actually ill.
School nurse phoned me last week about DC2. I told her to have something to eat and take the medicine she keeps in her bag. No need to come home. She was fine and walked home by herself at the end of the day.
There’s no way I’d leave work if they weren’t actually ill.

jeaux90 · 09/10/2025 10:35

I was always quite firm with the school, no I can’t come yet I’m in meetings. What are they going to do? Fine you? And yes, firm words with your DC. I’m a lone parent so I’ve always been super clear with DD16 about this stuff (assume you also don’t have a DP as no mention of him/her)

Guytheskiinstructor · 09/10/2025 10:36

Are you a single parent?

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:37

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:34

It’s not the school’s fault if your children are telling lies. They should know better by that age. That’s what you need to address.

They’re not lying as such. They did both feel ill. But with the support of their schools I believe they could have soldiered on through the day.

The schools are very quick just to ring home and ask to collect. Which I disagree with. Fair enough if they’re vomiting or have a raging temperature, but not just for ‘feeling sick / dizzy’ or having a bad cold.

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:37

Guytheskiinstructor · 09/10/2025 10:36

Are you a single parent?

DH works away from home currently.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 09/10/2025 10:38

And if school didn’t call, they would be getting irate parents complaining that their child had been ignored when ill and school had refused to contact parents to collect them and insisted they should stay in school!

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:40

spanieleyes · 09/10/2025 10:38

And if school didn’t call, they would be getting irate parents complaining that their child had been ignored when ill and school had refused to contact parents to collect them and insisted they should stay in school!

Yes I do understand that but my suggestion that DC stay in school and be monitored / encouraged back to lessons and see how they get on is dismissed. They won’t work with me. I’m happy for them to call so that we can discuss but would like them to not be in such a rush to send them home.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 09/10/2025 10:40

Don't answer the phone or say you can't collect as you're at an important appointment etc and that you told the child that.

Allmarbleslost · 09/10/2025 10:42

I think this is unusual for schools these days - it's usually attendance above all else! I would stand firm with the school and say you can't collect them. What are they going to do??

Tubestrike · 09/10/2025 10:42

If there's a next time, ask to speak to your child and tell them to man up.

Theunamedcat · 09/10/2025 10:43

My sons school would never send a child home for "feeling sick" only for being sick and then they would need "evidence" because it was happening too often

Guytheskiinstructor · 09/10/2025 10:43

What did the school nurse have to say? What interventions had they attempted, for the dizziness in particular?

If this happens again, can you afford a taxi to take the kid home?

Is it possible that there is something underlying this behaviour? Kids overwhelmed at school? Friendship issues?

This is an interesting thread because the messages we used to get from school were about maximising attendance and coming in even if they have a “bit of a sniffle”. (Which I didn’t really agree with.)

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:43

scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:37

They’re not lying as such. They did both feel ill. But with the support of their schools I believe they could have soldiered on through the day.

The schools are very quick just to ring home and ask to collect. Which I disagree with. Fair enough if they’re vomiting or have a raging temperature, but not just for ‘feeling sick / dizzy’ or having a bad cold.

Show quote history

Right. So they were unwell and therefore school did the right thing in calling you.

They can’t keep a sick or dizzy child in school.

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 10:44

I don't see how it's the school's fault - there need to be firm boundaries with your children. When I was at school and my mum was working over an hour away the rules were that I should only go to the school office if (a) I was physically sick (b) Had diarrhoea or (c) A high temperature (which the school could check).

Otherwise I had to do first aid (e.g. take paracetamol) and soldier on until the end of the day. So no fuzzy symptoms of feeling dizzy (sit down, drink fluids) or feeling sick (have you actually been sick? No, then drink fluids, fresh air, etc.) I had to have provable symptoms that indicated I shouldn't be in school. The few times I was off was because at the start of the day I was clearly unwell, I was never sent home.

Edited to say - or if I had an accident, although when I broke my toes in sports I just hobbled through the day wearing my plimsolls!

Seeline · 09/10/2025 10:44

Do schools have a medically qualified person?
In my experience if it couldn't be solved with a wet paper towel, they called home
It's not really the school office person's job to keep checking temperatures. They can't administer pain relief or anything can they?
What if they missed something serious?

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:44

How is a secondary school refusing to allow teenagers to leave without an adult? Fuck that. If they want the kid off site then they let them leave. I'm sure your children can soldier home on the bus if they are really determined to get home.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/10/2025 10:45

MagpiePi · 09/10/2025 10:26

The fact that the school won't let them walk home if they are 'ill' means that they realise that hordes of them would be leaving school 'ill' every day. By insisting they are collected it puts the onus on parents to manage the behaviour but it is unfair if parents are losing a lot of time at work. Surely having to spend the rest of the day in a boring sick room would be a good deterrent?

Would they expect @scaredfriend to drop her scalpel if she was the surgeon in the middle of a complicated surgery to come and pick up a child who fancied the rest of the day at home?

It’s not unfair though, if parents are loosing time at work because their kids are malingering it’s for the parents to deal with. Parents will only do that if they’re negatively impacted by said malingering. Otherwise the school tells you little Bobby spent the day in the medical room, parent shrugs their shoulders and moves on. Parent having to take time out of work to pick up said child means they can actually see and assess how they are, and administer a medicinal scolding for pissing them about when all they needed was a tissue and a packet of lockets.

LapinR0se · 09/10/2025 10:45

I have informed the school that I will only collect my children if they are vomiting, have a high fever (confirmed with thermometer), or have had an accident. For anything else, they stay at school and I am not to be contacted.