To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

[scaredfriend]

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

It's a long time since I was at school, but back then anything that wasn't clearly serious involved spending the day in the sick room - and this was before the huge majority of mums were working

No phones to play with (they hadn't been invented) and nothing to do except lie there with a blanket over you, so overall much less appealing than a raid on the fridge and an afternoon at home

Yes I agree with this. You have to be firm with schools who do somethings think parents are just sitting at home waiting for their call. If you had a job where you couldn’t have your phone (sometimes I work in a secure area where no phones are allowed) then they’d have to keep them unless it’s an ambulance job in which case they should call the other emergency contacts (GPs in my case).

I was a school first aider - not a nurse as was often assumed!- for 14 years . Honestly it’s an absolute nightmare, initially I used to do my best to try to persuade pupils to stay in school as I really did understand working parents, but in the end just had to phone parents, it was all I could do. My first aid room was tiny, they couldn’t wait there, no space, or privacy for other pupils. And they can’t wait in the office, there are people working there! I did find it particularly frustrating as I really did want often to say just man up and get on with it, there’s nothing wrong with you, but obviously I couldn’t say that !

Won't help if school won't let them leave

I think you need to do two things here.

First one is telling your senior school age kids that unless they have vomitted, have diarrhoea, or a fever you expect them to stay in their lessons not bunk off to the nurses office. My six year old knows these are the only reasons they wouldn't be expected to be at school learning.

Secondly raise the issue formally with the school. Let them know gkh have firmly discussed this with your kids and do not want them trying it on in future. That you have told them the clear reasons they will be home in bed resting and otherwise you will NOT be collecting them in the middle of the day. Get it emailed so it's on record.

If they call again reiterate your previous email, give the kids a firm talking to again and don't collect.

School can keep them in the office or send them back to class with your support.

Schools are stuck between a rock and a hard place really. Image if a teen told them they felt unwell and dizzy and they let them walk home alone. 😔 Also they'd constantly have kids just heading off home when they fancied it!

That does sound very annoying.

Our school isn't that strict about leaving alone, as they let DS (14/15 at the time) leave school when ill with nausea and a high temperature with my permission and I'm responsible for his welfare during the commute, and I was to ring the school once he was home safely, a 25min walk. He refused a taxi as he gets travel sick easily so might have thrown up in the car.
Poor DD once was actually sick and puking up when she was about 13 (same school) and the school had tried to get hold of me, but I was teaching in a basement with no reception for hours, so DD was left sitting in a cold reception area for hours before I could collect her.

Vomiting, temperature, emergency, fire, flood, blood. If not, I'm not collecting.

You could not answer phone. If any of above school will leave a message.

Just pretend to be a surgeon in the middle of a massive head transplant that won't be finished until 3:15pm

You think you would walk away in the middle of a head transplant because poor small boy needs Calpol and a sit down?

Schools are full of shit sometimes, especially the office staff.

Also, check in with your kids. If their dad works out of the country and they know you are now working 90 minutes away that may be making them feel a bit anxious or emotional? They might not even realise it. Even senior school kids can still be needy or worry about their mums and dads if they know they're a fair way away. They might just have felt an unconscious need to see if you could get to them if they were actually ill and not even realise that's why they did it.

I am not in the UK so obviously there will be differences… but our school has about 1500 students and a tiny sick bay behind the office staff with room for about 3 children. They do not have room to keep kids for a rest or supervise them.

If a parent doesn’t answer, they try the second parent, then the emergency contacts. I wouldn’t recommend deliberately not answering school calls as what if it is a genuinely serious call?

Schools here cannot give out paracetamol, basically they can’t offer anything other than an ice pack or a bandaid. Most students have their own supply in their bag (that they aren’t supposed to have).

If a student says they are unwell in class, they are offered fresh air, a drink or sick bay where they will be sent home. Students are old enough to know if they are well enough to be in class, they know if their parents or extended family are available to collect them if needed or if no one is available so they have to stay at school.

Legally, where I live at least, students have to be signed out of the office by a parent/guardian (or by person with parental permission) during a school day, so no student is being allowed to walk home regardless.

Can you imagine the headlines if a student was allowed to leave and collapsed/died on the way home? Or if a student went to sick bay, wanted to go home as they were unwell and the school sent them back to class, only for the student to collapse/vomit/faint/fit?

Can one assume that you have given school the OK to authorise surgery if your child is seriously ill when you can't be bothered to collect them? Schools have to protect themselves, if they don't ask parents to be parents and a child is very ill or even dies, those parents will be down like a ton of bricks, lawyered up for a huge windfall and someone's career would be in ruins.

I work full time so I am absolutely not unsympathetic to the difficulties around this. But I find some of the “I’ve told the school not to phone me unless they are DYING” responses to be a bit hard. I would hate my daughter to be feeling unwell in school and feel like she couldn’t come home.

I agree with the person above who said that this should have been a consideration when taking the job 90 mins from the school. I sometimes (but rarely) have to work in an office 2 hours away and on those days I make sure there is someone (friend, grandparent) around and available to collect in case the kids need them.

If your child is coming home when there is nothing wrong, that’s between you and your child. It’s not the schools fault.

What do you think schools did before they could be ringing parents every 5 mins? Honestly when I was at school we didn't even have a house phone never mind a mobile. No chance of getting hold of my parents in the school day I was ill once in infants Had to lie down in sick bay till mums friend who usually collected us turned up

Another pass the parcel parent!

Not if the parent has agreed and therefore taken responsibility for the child from that point.

I’m a bit cross at the school for not stepping up and telling them to man up and go back to lessons.

I can only imagine the backlash from some parents if they were to hear their DC had been told this in answer to the DC claiming they were feeling ill.

Can also imagine some of the replies on here...they'd want the person that said it hung, drawn and quartered at the first possible moment.

Schools probably do this as they've been pulled up before for making a decision as to how poorly a DC is and the outcome not liked either way. So best to just phone and ask you to collect.

OR...
To inconvenience you, it's a roundabout way of telling you to sort your DC out if they're trying to pull a fast one.

Well if they can’t leave they will have to wait until the end of the day when you are available to collect. It’s not like they’re going to go anywhere

bur also if your kid is pulling a fake sickie, turn off the TV take the plug and the router to work. If there’s no consequences of course they keep doing it

Not at all @JudgeJ - but as other pp have said some schools are trigger happy. Luckily the ones DS went to were more sensible but some schools do have unrealistic expectations of parents.

Ok so why didn't the school call me to come and collect my DS when he felt dizzy? Why did his school just let him sit quietly until he felt better? It's clearly possible to use common sense.

Do they get pocket money? I used to give mine £2 a school day which they got on a Friday (£10) unless they were 'ill' and if they missed a day they would get nothing for the week.

Obviously they would get the pocket money if I could tell the were genuinely unwell, but they used to take the mick and this was the only thing that finally worked

Shame your workplace doesn't allow mobile phones at your desk, isn't it? (If it was really urgent they'd leave a message).

The school is not the problem. Your kids are 15 and 13, They need to be told that they are not to run to staff with a cold, feeling dizzy etc. The staff are not medical trained and are not going to take the responsibility of telling a dizzy teen to man up when they have no idea what is causing the diziness.

How far away? Further than you? If you've collected them twice already and they are an hour and a half away each time i'd say it was their dads turn to pick them up this time.

No worries, thought so, I did the same at first!

Their dad works abroad currently.