To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

[scaredfriend]

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

So - WHY are you the one (especially as you work much further away from the school) responding to this and picking the kids up?

Edit: misread as 'works FROM home'!

They can't keep a dizzy child in school? Of course they can. My DS has a phase of getting dizzy at school - he had low iron and B12 as it turned out so nothing serious and whenever it happened he went to medical and sat quietly until he felt better. Nobody called me, because 'feeling dizzy' isn't a serious symptom in otherwise healthy teenagers.

I used to work in a secondary school office and there would be days we’d be babysitting almost a classload of children who said they were ill. 95% of them were avoiding maths/English/a lesson they didn’t want to go to. It’s all very well to say send them back to class but unfortunately the 95% were also the ones who were disruptive. The teachers just didn’t want them in their class so us office staff couldn’t win. We rang parents because it’s up to them to bollock their children and tell them to get back to class. We had one tiny sick room. I felt really sorry for the genuinely ill, quietly puking into the sick bucket while others bunked off. It was one of the reasons I no longer work in a secondary school…

Did you read this as WFH rather than working away from home?

Why not? They haven’t actually been sick. Have you never gone to work feeling a bit ‘off’? I’d have spent half the winter off school as a kid if I’d stayed home every time I felt a bit poorly. We had colds, coughs etc all the time.
And as I said earlier, it was normal to stay in school even if you were ill (presumably because parents were hard to contact before mobile phones became common). I remember plenty of kids sitting by the sinks with a bucket at primary school or sleeping on the library comfy chairs with a blanket.
I wouldn’t expect school to keep a child actively vomiting but I don’t see why they can’t stay if they’re just a bit dizzy or have a bad cold.

DH is in another country!

Away from home. Not from home.

I need to do this!

School nurse? Interventions? Maybe at Hogwarts. Much more likely to have been a wet paper towel from the admin woman.

I DID and have just edited it!!!

Safeguarding apparently. In case they take a turn for the worse when they aren’t under adult supervision. I think it’s bonkers…

We have a school nurse in a comprehensive school.

They can be ott at times though. Even 25 years ago they school range me to say DD1 was in great pain with suspect appendicitis. I traveled back from london, losing the contract I was sorting out at the time for DD to tell me " oh was only a stitch. I told them that at the time"

When schools do that kind of thing it doesn't help school/ parent relationship

They can say this but they can't enforce it. If they want the kid off site then they have to let them leave...

What if they have dihorrea?

Don’t answer the phone. And if you do answer and there’s not been vomit, broken bones or blood - tell the school to either release the kid to walk home if they think it’s real illness, or send them back to class.

Different perspective... secondary schools are hot on attendance. They would not send kids home until they really felt they were ill, especially this early in the year.

I used to work in the medical room in a school and we always encouraged kids back to class if possible.

Schools will not allow an ill child to walk home alone, especially if they know an adult is not home, in case the child's condition deteriorates.

As frustrating as this is, it should have been a consideration when you took a job 90 minutes away from your child's school. Is there any other relative near by who can be on the list to collect in these circumstances?

The "dizzy" one is a bit annoying (from your child not the school but couldn't you keep them home if they have a bad cold? Sure, lots of people go in toward the end of a cold because the cough can last for weeks, but when they're at the worst of it you could give them a day off and save yourself the trip. The issue is with your children, not the school (if they could just say they feel unwell and take themselves home, there would be many children going home because they feel like it- or genuinely ill children could end up having a serious issue and being alone) so maybe get to the bottom of what they are trying to avoid.

Seems like the school is a bit 'trigger happy' in calling parents. I have two DC, one just left 6 form and the other in lower 6. I have never ever had a call to pick them up from secondary school ever. I don't actually even know their procedures for this but I assume they would not call me for one of them feeling a bit dizzy. Word with DC's and word with school I believe. Only concern is that your DC or school wouldn't call you if there really would be something bad

And when the dizzy child faints and gets injured the school gets in trouble for allowing a sick child to leave on their own....

It’s ridiculous. Your children need to keep their mouths shut unless they’re actually ill (make it clear to them what that means). And if they are, can you pay for a taxi? Annoying but less annoying that 90 mins then 60 mins of driving for you!

Yabu. It's not on school, you need your dc to realise that they can't upset your work lije this if they're not really ill. If mine came home because they were feeling sick I'd say no food and just water for at least 12 hours, and only pain food after that.

When my DD was a teen she suffered badly with menstrual cramps, so the school rang me monthly to collect her. I was working in a town 10 miles away and couldn’t just leave work to get her on such a regular basis. After some heated discussions and a meeting with her head of year they allowed her to go home so long as her brother (older and also at the school) took her to make sure sure she got home safely! He then went back to school. That continued for a few months and after that she went home alone.

I appreciate that the school has a duty of care, but it is unrealistic to expect parents of teenagers, who are perfectly able to go home alone, to drop everything and collect them.

I think you should start working away as well!

At this age it’s on your kids not the school.
when the school nurse has called to say dd is unwell I’ve asked to speak to her. Usually it’s I have a sore head. I always give her paracetamol to carry (she’s 14) and tell her to take 2, and if it’s no better in an hour to call me back. They have never called back.