To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

[scaredfriend]

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

This isn't a school issue, it's a "your kids" issue.

They both need a sharp lesson in not taking the fucking piss.

Surely you can understand the position they would be in if the child was genuinely ill and passed out on the way home etc. Even when parents had said it was fine, some parents would then turn round and claim the school hadn't informed them how serious it was and they shouldn't have let them leave. Cue sad face picture in the local press. They really are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Better to have a blanket rule that children leaving early must be collected by a responsible adult.

What a pile of bollocks!

Exactly. This is a kids problem not a school problem. They have to listen to what your kids say and assume it’s the truth (you can imagine what would happen if they ignored the ill child - parents don’t even like it when schools ask them to go an hour without using the toilet or having a drink!) If your kids have caused you significant inconvenience with work on multiple occasions because they are exaggerating or fabricating illness to get out of school, then that needs dealing with. If they’re actually ill, then they are your responsibility to look after, not school. If they’re well enough to walk home alone, they’re well enough to be in lessons.

We live rurally. Our village only has a small primary school. The nearest town (where my kids attend secondary school) is 30 mins away. It’s a small town with few jobs for professional people. Most professional people here work in the nearest city - an hour away. Quite normal. See also: people who live in the Home Counties and commute to London for work. It’s not uncommon.

And what about their fathers?

Wonder if the schools would be so happy if it was their own teachers called out of work every 5 mins to pick up kids from another school for minor stuff

Only here to repeat what has thankfully been said… this is a ‘your kids’ issue!

My kids know how to soldier on if need be! If I’m called I know it’s because my usual Calpol and shove them in strategy hasn’t worked and they’re really up against it.

What they are doing is so unfair to you! You need to make them see that calling you away from your new job for no reason is not ok. School are only responding to what they are seeing in front of them.

Well my school would be fine with it once or twice but if it happened constantly they’d expect me to put a stop to it by either telling my child to stop pretending to be ill or taking them to the GP to rule out any underlying health issues if I thought it was genuine.

Op, you need to instruct your children to only report as sick to their teacher if ..

• they are vomiting.
• they have had a nasty accident requiring urgent medical or dental assistance like stitches, a cast or checking for a head injury.
• they are in terrible pain or have a burning temperature that is not remedied by taking a paracetamol.

If they play sick and interupt your work,you need to charge them the actual cost of the interuption and make sure they do not benefit from doing anything playful. They should be set down doing schoolwork. Pack some bandaids and two paracetamol and some tissues in their school bags.

And if you told the kid to stop doing it and they still did? What then?

And what like the example I gave of my DD when school list me a contract phoning e to travel back from London because DD had a bloody STITCH!!! That she even told them was a stitchatthe tiw

If they are sick enough to need to come home then tell them that when you collect them that so they can rest up you will be taking their phones and tablets for 24 hours so they can get into bed and rest no tv or tech and that they are to stay there and you will bring them tea and toast. No junk or snacks! If they see you are serious in this they will stop swing ing the lead and the phonecalls will stop! We did this with our kids and still if they are too ill to go to school they get no tech or phones or tv - just books until what would have been the end of the school day. Make it boring and the attractiveness of being off soon fades and if they really are ill they don’t t mind!

OP Bear with me this starts out a bit long winded.

One college I worked in if a student was late you gave them a red card with how late they were on and at some time in the week the student had to make up that time.

Maybe do something similar with your children. So if you have to collect them then your child owes you three hours.

It is up to you what that 3 hours looks like, it could be housework, gardening, taking the dog for a walk etc. It doesn't have to be in one chunk it could be an hour a day for three days.

Do the school have a Dr/Nurse? We had a school Dr (private school) who was quite happy to send us packing if they thought we were trying it on, or put us in a medical room with nothing to do if they didn't think it warranted calling our folks.

I tried it on constantly and my mum would simply tell them that she was hours away from school and unable to pick me up. If you're sure they're milking it, just tell them that the soonest you can get there is end of the school day. What can they do?

If they're genuinely ill though, why would you want to make their day any worse?

If you think they're trying it on, send them in and tell the school you won't be picking them up.

They would question why my child didn’t do what I told them to rather than blaming their school.

Thee are so many answers on here but I think the simplest solution is don’t answer your phone when it’s the school. They will leave you a voicemail and you can listen to it and decide whether to call back. If it’s not serious - you didn’t get the message until the end of the day. This also forces the school to call the next person down the list, who I assume would be your DH. I know he’s not going to get them but at least he could talk to the school instead or you could make the decision jointly, schools these days act as if all women are SAHMs with nothing better to do than drop everything, it annoys me a lot.

🧐

So you send a "dizzy" teenager home on the bus? What happens when they feint at the bus stop or on the walk home all alone and hit their head?

I really like this idea actually. Thank you!

Have your teens always done exactly what you told them to? If so please share the secret with every other parent as it will make the teen years sooo much easier

It never even crossed my mind in the 90s that my Mum could be asked to collect me from secondary school. I'm glad we're more nurturing now as a society but I don't think it would hurt to explain to your children the level of inconvenience to you and if they can hang on you would appreciate it.

I don’t have a teen but I very much doubt mine will do what I tell him to when he is one. Teens are difficult. However, I will acknowledge that this is my problem to deal with and not blame the school for the inconvenience this causes me.

As I said in a PP, half the parents will complain about picking their child up and half will complain about their child being ill and us not telling them. It’s impossible really.

I can’t imagine how much your DD was moaning and carrying on if the school rang you for a stitch. What have you done to build her resilience? Did you pick her up on that occasion?

sorry meant to quote @RubySquid .

She was the old who told them it was a stitch!!!! That school was one of the phone for someone coughing once Strangely as soon as she moved school there was never ever any calls about illness again

Your kids are teenagers so when they tell school they are too poorly and must go home, the school is assuming they are really poorly because they’re old enough to know. If it turns out they are lying and they’re actually fine, that’s an issue with your kids and not the school. The school have probably got to be extra careful because some parents can go ballistic if they’re not called for the smallest thing and so schools can never win. You really need to sort this out with your teenagers and not hold the school to account.