To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

[scaredfriend]

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

You assess before school.
tell your kids that they should not go to medical and lie to staff unless they have an accident and need first aid.
if you pick them up, have a rule, no TV, no phone and no food - they are far too ill. Cancel all weekend plans.
teach them a lesson and they will soon stop.

Schools are not there to fit round your job. Shout have worked out the logistics of these sort of events happening. If your kids try it on re illness that's up to you not the school to sort.

I think you could do with your teenagers identifying a friend with parents who are local during the day who can collect and supervise them without it causing you to miss so much work.

They can also be trained to say 'no, I'm ok, please don't call my mum - she won't be able to get out of work' etc.

You wouldn't accept a job more than 90 minutes away? You obviously don't live somewhere where many parents do just that and commute to a big city because, you know, they have to pay their mortgage/rent and bills!

Why would she even mention having a stitch to anybody?

This issue here is not the school but your children being flaky.
the school is caught between a rock and a hard place. If they are out of lessons who should look after them?

I imagine this might be an unpopular opinion, but as a society we have done this to ourselves.

Back in the day when I was at school, no one was concerned about leaving a child with flu like symptoms in a room for 3 to 4 hours to go home at the end of the day. Flu like symptoms are similar to things like sepsis. However, the school would not have been concerned about a parent suing, going to the daily mail, or plastering it all over social media how negligent the school was for not sending their child with flu/sepsis home.

The current culture to name, shame, blame and sue has meant that government/companies need to protect their employees and themselves as much as they can.

The teachers are not empowered to keep your children in. Because God forbid if they kept a child with flu symptoms which turned out to be sepsis until the end of the day, I bet many people in this forum would be suing them for compensation, or at least plastering it all over social media

Because they asked her why she was bent over in the playground...

I know the nurse at my kids' school keeps careful records of who goes home, what illness they have and what lesson they're missing. She's no fool falling for double maths induced gout etc.

I have one child who has bad migraines and has been collected a few times. I have another who acts like a defender in the penalty box after any small bump and who gets sent straight back to lessons with an ice pack.

The schools do their best to weed out the shirkers. You need to have a word with your kids. They can't just turf out teenagers to make their own way home, one of mine did faint later in the day after being sent home.

School is not childcare.

Who exactly is minding them in this magical sofa filled sick room? Schools are not hospitals. It’s not the staffs job to mind sick kids all day. They are not medical professionals and have their actual jobs to do. You also cannot leave kids unattended, especially ones who say they are so ill they need to go home. This is a pure parenting issue. Make it very clear they are expected to solider on and to stay in school unless literally vomiting. This really isn’t schools fault.

Also when one of my form come to me asking to go home. I encourage them to stay in - let’s get to break, let’s get to lunch, see how you feel, have something to eat/drink etc. but once they tell me they feel much too poorly to stay in school, I sign their planner and send them home. I’m not checking temperatures etc. I’m not a doctor and I can’t tell how poorly a child actually is. Likewise if they tell me they’ve been sick. Can neither prove nor disprove, so home they go. I’d get so many parental complaints for insisting a child stay in school if they’d told me they felt too unwell to stay in. Persist absentees get sent to head of year though and they make the call.

One time when ds1 was 13 or 14 he got to school, but had started with a migraine and needed to come home. I’d walked ds2 to primary school then walked to the bus stop when I got the call. I initially rang pil to see if they could collect him, but they didn’t answer. I had to walk back home (30 mins) to pick up the car, drive to school, then back home etc. work were less than happy about all this.

i started keeping some money in a drawer at home, so when it happened again he got a taxi home. Had an argument with school about this, but he’d had migraines for years at that point and just needed to have his meds and sleep.

It can be really difficult when you need to be at work but something happens with your child.

I'd have a serious word with my Dd's and would also make them go straight to bed with no devices in their rooms should they need to be collected due to 'illness'. Surely someone who is too sick to be in school needs to be recuperating in silence in bed 😉

This is on your kids, not the school. BS teens will swing the lead and it’s ridiculous every time they cry not well parent gets called to pick up immediately. School needs some check/balance and middle ground too. Obvs teens need kicked into touch but takes two to create this mad situation. OP just started new job and can only imagine how awkward and embarrassing it is to try and settle in but look unreliable.

At my DCs school, you'd have to be really bad to be sent home. The only time I've been asked to collect was when DS vomited in the corridor. I'm surprised they're sending them home if they're not very ill - I guess my first conversation would be with the school, why are they sending them away when you think they are fit to stay in school? I guess with my kids I know it must be pretty serious if school call.

They send them because parents complain if their child isn’t listened to. Schools can’t do right for doing wrong. An earlier poster got it right when they said parents had caused the problem - going to the press, complaining on social media etc. schools are protecting themselves and their staff.

Teachers have to send a child home if they say they are sick and need to go. This is a Dd problem for sure. They have to learn about crying wolf. I once had a child in my class who had a pain somewhere on the hour. I got so used to telling her she was fine and 'treating' her with 'drink some water' and 'put your head down on your desk for a while' that I completely missed her appendicitis (as did her parents for 2 days) 🙀

Really not the school's judgement call. You need to impress upon your kids when they are ill enough to come home and when they are not.

YABU because if they say they are ill, and they have to be picked up then they don't get to switch the TV on and raid the fridge. They go to bed and stay there.

Sorry, old post 😂