To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

[Christmascountdown25]

Does anyone else find this strange?

DH’s team are spread over England and Wales (head office is where we live) and about 3 times a year, they have a two day meeting at the head office with the staff who travel particularly far put up at a local hotel.

The last two occasions, DH has also stayed at that hotel (he says expensed by the company). His reasoning - he doesn’t want to wake
me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking and a free hotel isn’t something to say no to. They always have big socials but he’s usually vague on the detail. He’s one of 3 men and there are 6/7 women, only one of which is local so the rest stay at the hotel.

I just find it so strange. The hotel is a 10
minute drive away from us and he has no issues waking me up when he’s had too many pints with his mates on a Friday night.

Sorry if this has been said but when I do expenses for my staff it’s with their wages so you wouldn’t see the specific amount separately in the bank. I know everyone does it differently but just saying

I wouldn’t turn one down on my road 🤣

If this is the case then yes I would be suspicious tbh

She’d have to like him back though for anything to happen. And he doesn’t sound like much of a catch!

Thats not what happens where I work, there's no benefit to getting expense claims in early as expenses are paid in the following payroll. No one has a separate payment going into their bank account

I have no idea is people spouses are aware of the business expense policy but I hope it doesnt lead to concerns about affairs

Thing is OP is referencing the last time he was away which would have been several months ago now and she said she couldn’t find corresponding reimbursement for that so point still stands that she’s right to be suspicious as you’d expect it to be have been received by now. But you’re right that’s only if it’s paid direct into his bank account as could be via his wage but then it should show a salary payment inflated by corresponding outgoing hotel cost she noticed which she obviously hasn’t seen.

Either way, if he has no other red flags, I did say hopefully it was just a white lie to allow him unfettered time with his work colleagues 🤞

The thing with this is, if my husband was doing this, it wouldn’t even cross my mind that it was for infidelity or anything disgraceful. So you obvs don’t trust him which unless you’re a bit insecure, is for good reason. Because your spidey sense are normally correct.

Sorry I realise that sounds like I’m calling you insecure, I’m not. I mean that you’re obvs not so your senses are screaming at you for a reason

He's made it clear he's interested in a single woman whose big breasts he fancies and he did so in the crudest and most disgusting fashion. To be clear, the number of admiring comments about a woman's breasts he's entitled to make to his wife is zero - but he really was a scuzz bucket about this.

She is one of the women he is partying with, obviously.

He lied about his reasons for wanting to stay out and tried to paint himself as a white knight instead of just saying "Free hotel, can't pass it up, how nice not to have to go home, love a free hotel" - which is what a normal person would have done. How could he possibly think you'd believe his saintly demeanour when he staggers in munted on a Friday night and wakes the house as the norm?

There is obviously a lot, lot, lot more going on here than staying in a hotel. You've been downvoted because of the drip feed and because some women love to shit on other women on this site.

And as for his apology for drooling over another women's breasts in such a disgusting fashion, he could shove that apology right up his arse. It would take a whole lot more than "sorry I was drunk love, snigger snigger, didn''t mean to upset you" to get over the entitlement and disrespect of that, not to mention knowing he wants to fuck someone he works with. Some thoughts are never said out loud. Ever. Not if you care about someone.

Do some digging. There are red flags here. And if you find more, get a lawyer.

On one hand I can understand free hotel room yes amazing, bed all to your self and uninterrupted sleep, but yeah I get your suspicion. On the next one get a sitter and say you're coming too, so you can both enjoy that free hotel room. See what he says, that could help you feel out the suspicion

On the one hand, I've worked for companies who wouldn't bat an eyelid at having even local people stay over at the sales conference.

On the other, I'm afraid that I know all too well how many of them were shagging around at these events.

Are his monthly salary figures the same each month or could they include expenses (which is normal for most companies)?

I'm sorry, I do find him having booked and paid for his own room (even if expensed back) suspicious in itself. If they're hiring a hotel venue for everybody they'll have it all on one central account. If he usually joins them and they pay for it as he says they do, it would be most likely that they'd just add another room to the central booking.

.

I work for a big company, we have to book our own accommodation and expense them most of the time. Takes between 4-8 weeks to get expenses back, which is a bit rubbish really. Only people who get group bookings done by a PA or admin are the exec team. Rest of us plebs, even at senior level, are self service!

Actually, that's a great idea. There is no reason at all - not one single reason - why he wouldn't want his wife to come and join in a bit of a party and have a night in a hotel if he's not doing anything behind her back that he wouldn't do in front of her face.

I’ve never once invited DH to a team night out where we stayed in a hotel. It’s exactly that… a team night out. Still never shagged a colleague.

I have done this in the past and there was nothing odd was going on.
Just got to hang out with people for longer and have hangover breakfast together the next day :)

No reason apart from the fact that it's a work event? People don't invite partners along to party in any similar event I've been involved in, that would be very odd

She could I guess sit in the room and wait for him if she could find overnight childcare

Yeah, it's bs OP and you know it. There is no reason for him to book a hotel room, his excuse don't add up. I'd tell him I want to see the reimbursement from work or he can leave until he is willing to be honest with you about why he booked the room.

I find this a totally bizarre way of thinking, I've stayed in hotels with work many times over the years when it was near enough for me to have gone home

Like a PP said I didn't have any trouble in not sleeping with colleagues while I was there.

What's so hard to understand that a person might just want a break from home for a night?

Obviously none of us know what the man in question did but it's nonsense to be 100% certain he was up to no good

My husband has cheated on me and also in the circle of friends/close family there have been 7 different situations in 3,5 years, where a man has cheated on his wife. I also find your husband's explanations lame. Especially after he described his female coworker with big breasts.

I myself bought a keylogger and installed it online on my husband's cell phone. I was able to see practically everything my husband was doing on his cell phone at any given time. I listened to calls, sounds around the cell phone, saw passwords, emails, chats, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Instagram...

If you have doubts about what your husband is really doing, this is how you can be 100% sure. For example, put in the search field of your cell phone: "best keylogger 2025 Android" (or iPhone, if your husband has an iPhone, for example).

Hope all is ok @Christmascountdown25 x

As a one-off. On a regular basis, perhaps not. Here you go:

“Every time I want to take up my employer’s offer of a hotel after we have a work event in my home city I take up my employer’s offer of a hotel room. I could go home, but this is a chance to have a free night in a hotel on my own with a lovely big bed and bathroom all to myself. I won’t have to stress about taxis, I won’t have to worry about my DH judging me if I drink too much or stay out late, and I’ll have a rare chance I get to have breakfast made for me and a lie in without my kids waking me up with the usual morning chaos. However, DH is being huffy about this and is accusing me of having an affair.”

Also, it is very often women who take the brunt of childcare, so it’s not exactly the same in a reverse scenario. We all know this.

What's so hard to understand that a person might just want a break from home for a night?

if it was me, it wouldn’t necessarily be an affair I’d be concerned about, it would just be the regular opting out of family life while I don’t get the option to do so as well.

The OP said it happens 3 times a year. I don’t think that counts as ‘regularly checking out of family life’. I agree that the OP should be getting the same level of time ‘off’ as her DH.

But that's assuming partners are invited to the party - they probably aren't.