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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

187 replies

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 21:59

Does anyone else find this strange?

DH’s team are spread over England and Wales (head office is where we live) and about 3 times a year, they have a two day meeting at the head office with the staff who travel particularly far put up at a local hotel.

The last two occasions, DH has also stayed at that hotel (he says expensed by the company). His reasoning - he doesn’t want to wake
me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking and a free hotel isn’t something to say no to. They always have big socials but he’s usually vague on the detail. He’s one of 3 men and there are 6/7 women, only one of which is local so the rest stay at the hotel.

I just find it so strange. The hotel is a 10
minute drive away from us and he has no issues waking me up when he’s had too many pints with his mates on a Friday night.

OP posts:
thegifttaegieus · 09/10/2025 07:39

thegifttaegieus · 09/10/2025 03:17

Ah, so he's a grubby piece of shit who wants to fuck one of his colleagues.

Right, well obviously you have very good reason indeed to be concerned. Imagine what he's thinking when he thinks he can get away with saying that.

He can shove his apology up his arse, obviously.

At first I was 50/50 because yep I do love a nice night in a hotel. But now we know he's a drunkard who sleazes on women he works with and thinks he can tell you he fancies fucking them, obviously do be concerned.

My main concern is why you are with someone who would dare speak to you like that. Under no circumstances, ever, would my husband say something like this to me.

Everyone notices fuckable colleagues. Nobody has to say it - and if they do they are a pos - at best.

Edited
Show quote history

I wonder why some are pretending that it doesn't matter that the OP's husband (who is happy to wake his family on the piss every Friday night, but all of a sudden is pretending he cares not to wake them when he staggers through the door after work party nights) pointed out that he finds a newly single woman that he will be partying with fuckable.

His comment "Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got."

Before I read this, I could see the appeal in just staying in a free hotel, absolutely, and wouldn't have been overly concerned.

But the lying about why he is staying (he is NOT staying there to make it easier on his family, not at all) and then the fact that he clearly has thought about fucking his colleague with the big breasts and is enough of an entitled pig to dare say this to his wife puts a whole new slant on things.

OP is quite right to be worried, and it's a shame she didn't include this information in the first post.

And I will bet there's a lot more of this sort of shit she could tell us. But I doubt she's coming back tbh.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2025 07:39

DingDongJingle · 09/10/2025 07:38

For all the reasons already explained on this thread.
I’ve done this many times and have never once shagged a colleague.

Show quote history

👏

OchreRaven · 09/10/2025 07:40

I don’t necessarily think it would be a red flag to me but really it’s dependent on lots of factors and your gut feeling.

My DH regularly stays at hotels across the country with his team (similar set up to your DH). I can imagine him in the same scenario utilising the free hotel room so he didn’t need to get a taxi or leave early.

There are a few women on his team but he’s never sexualised any of them. He’s really open about being married and I can hear him talking about me to his colleagues in team meetings and he’s introduced me to his colleagues over Teams when I’ve been in the room. He’s open with his devices and doesn’t talk about any one female colleague regularly.

Because of this behaviour I would have no reason to assume that his motive for staying was to sleep with a colleague when all his team were around. If he was capable of such premeditated plans to cheat in that way he would be someone I didn’t know. Of course some people are like that — completely sociopathic but you can’t live your life assuming it to be true.

I would be annoyed about the sexualised comment about the newly single colleague in your case. But if he’s open about being married and not secretive with his devices then you’ll have to trust him unless that comment alone is a deal breaker. If he wants to cheat he’ll find a way so telling him not to stay at the hotel won’t save your marriage.

DingDongJingle · 09/10/2025 07:41

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2025 07:39

👏

Show quote history

I mean, I didn’t actually need a round of applause for it. Many of us are capable of staying in hotels with colleagues without shagging them.

thegifttaegieus · 09/10/2025 07:41

thegifttaegieus · 09/10/2025 07:39

I wonder why some are pretending that it doesn't matter that the OP's husband (who is happy to wake his family on the piss every Friday night, but all of a sudden is pretending he cares not to wake them when he staggers through the door after work party nights) pointed out that he finds a newly single woman that he will be partying with fuckable.

His comment "Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got."

Before I read this, I could see the appeal in just staying in a free hotel, absolutely, and wouldn't have been overly concerned.

But the lying about why he is staying (he is NOT staying there to make it easier on his family, not at all) and then the fact that he clearly has thought about fucking his colleague with the big breasts and is enough of an entitled pig to dare say this to his wife puts a whole new slant on things.

OP is quite right to be worried, and it's a shame she didn't include this information in the first post.

And I will bet there's a lot more of this sort of shit she could tell us. But I doubt she's coming back tbh.

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah, so it's time to stop pretending this is just a guy staying out at a hotel for a bit of a nice night off.

Either read what the OP said ALL of it and comment on it all, or stop trying to gaslight her. It's a shit thing to do to a woman who has genuine and fair concerns.

LoadsaTimeToday · 09/10/2025 07:43

I would stay in the hotel if I were offered.

I would not stay with a man who showed such disrespect to women. Gross.

nellly · 09/10/2025 07:49

NellieElephantine · 08/10/2025 22:02

Free hotel room, whole bed and bathroom to myself? Yes please!!

Agreed! I’ve done this with work events in my nearest city too and a lot of no sign and chatting is done over coffee and breakfast

OchreRaven · 09/10/2025 07:50

Just to add…if he wanted to have sex with her he didn’t need his own hotel room, he could sleep with her in hers and come back home. You either think he’s capable of this or not.

AngelinaFibres · 09/10/2025 07:54

ChaChaChaChanges · 08/10/2025 22:02

I totally understand where he’s coming from, and would do (have done) the exact same in the same type of situation. For me it was about joining in and being part of the team.

This. My husband worked for a company that did the same. He always stayed in the hotel they were all in. We lived 6 miles away. Perfectly normal.....unless you think he's shagging one of the 6 or 7 women.

Luckyingame · 09/10/2025 08:33

summerlovingvibes · 08/10/2025 22:21

We have a company meeting twice a year. I live very centrally and sometimes the hotel can be within 10-15 mins of where I live.

I ALWAYS stay away.

Feels like a treat, big hotel bed to myself, food & drink and not having to worry about anything.

Exactly.
Not speaking for myself, but AWAY from the family.
It's not a sin.

peonym · 09/10/2025 08:37

10 minute drive is very close, I don’t think my husband would. But if he did, the only thing I’d begrudge is the lack of childcare help because I trust him 🙈

thisishowloween · 09/10/2025 08:40

It sounds like your DH is a bit of a pig - I’d say that was your issue, not the fact that he stays in a hotel sometimes after work 🤷‍♀️

DancingNotDrowning · 09/10/2025 08:43

I stay away when my team are in town.

we usually have a late night and it gives me a few extra minutes in the morning plus a decent breakfast.

never shagged a colleague.

indoorplantqueen · 09/10/2025 08:55

I’d do the same if the company was paying for it. I wouldn’t if I had to pay. I think them all staying together makes for more opportunity for team building rather than him being the only one coming and going, not having breakfast, dinner with colleagues.

Bloozie · 09/10/2025 08:57

I voted YANBU, not because I think he's doing anything dodgy - I agree with PPs, I'd do the same if I could - but because he isn't telling you the truth. His reason is super lame.

Bigger question is why he feels he can't tell you that he wants to stay out, socialise with his colleagues into the early hours and enjoy the same stumbling to bed/bleary eyed breakfast experience they do, that's part of the whole narrative of such things?

Would you kick off if he said he just wanted a solo night ("Fine, enjoy a night of NO RESPONSIBILITIES and leave me HERE WITH THE KIDS DOING BEDTIME AND SCHOOL RUN ON MY OWN!")? Do you get to enjoy the same time away from the home?

PhuckTrump · 09/10/2025 08:58

The update changes things a bit. If I had a husband who “gets drunk” and also made comments about an attractive single colleague’s breasts, yes, my spidey senses would be tingling about how he might behave on an overnighter which included a trip to the bar.

Starlight1984 · 09/10/2025 08:59

SafeSex · 08/10/2025 23:02

So why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Show quote history

This 😂I mean, we all knew where it was going but easier just to say it outright. Reminds me of the ones on FB who post cryptic messages and wait for people to ask them if they're ok.

LittleBitofBread · 09/10/2025 09:05

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

Show quote history

I had come on to say it's quite sensible of him not to drive home if he's been drinking, but now I can't get past this.

louderthan · 09/10/2025 09:06

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

Show quote history

I mean, that is disgusting. But I don't think it means he's shagging anyone. I wouldn't turn down a free night in a hotel and I'm single with no kids!

howshouldibehave · 09/10/2025 09:07

If everyone else in the company gets a nice jolly in a hotel but he always misses out because he's too local, then I can understand why he goes.

Talking about women the way he does is a whole other issue though!

Bloozie · 09/10/2025 09:09

Oh.

I just read about milk tankers.

Is your husband a 13-year old virgin spawned in from 1976?

With that context, I'd suspect that he enjoys pretending he's a single man, and probably isn't doing anything dodgy with anyone - let's face it, with banter like that he'll dry up every single woman in a 5-mile radius of him. We're all wrinkling our noses, right? He can turn off women remotely...

He sounds like a bit of a dick. But he's your dick, so...

WalkDontWalk · 09/10/2025 09:11

SueblueNZ · 08/10/2025 23:21

I bet he is paying for the hotel out of his own pocket rather than the company reimbursing his accommodation expense. You may or may not have a problem with this.
If staff “who travel particularly far are put up at a local hotel”, the company is not going to cover the cost for your husband.
I travel to another city for whole team meetings about three times a year and love the whole socialising after hours then spending the night on my own in a hotel room. I can understand how he’d enjoy this too. Obviously I’m not in a position to judge whether anything dodgy might be going on.

That's simply not true. My company always paid for hotels when we had a team event, even if everyone there lived in the same town - particularly if there was more going on the following day.

OP, there may be a problem, but the hotel isn't it. It's really common practice for the company to allow - even encourage - people to stay over at team events.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 09/10/2025 09:16

My DP does this once a year. We live in London but his team do this massive trade show thing on the other side of London - probably 40 min in a cab. He stays over so he can go out on the lash and sleep it off.
I prefer this as I hate a stinking, drunk man coming home then snoring his head off while I get the kids ready for bed.

It's totally innocent unless you have suspicions - which you clearly do.

softstone · 09/10/2025 09:24

Milk tankers? Dear God.

saraclara · 09/10/2025 09:29

Changeiscoming1111 · 08/10/2025 23:10

The hotel stay is strange given you live 10 minutes away. There is more to this than expenses paid so he his staying over.

Rubbish. It's absolutely normal as lots of team building goes on in the evening at such events. All staying together, having breakfast together etc is part and parcel of these events.
I'd actually find it unusual for someone to bail out and go home for the night.