To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

[Christmascountdown25]

Does anyone else find this strange?

DH’s team are spread over England and Wales (head office is where we live) and about 3 times a year, they have a two day meeting at the head office with the staff who travel particularly far put up at a local hotel.

The last two occasions, DH has also stayed at that hotel (he says expensed by the company). His reasoning - he doesn’t want to wake
me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking and a free hotel isn’t something to say no to. They always have big socials but he’s usually vague on the detail. He’s one of 3 men and there are 6/7 women, only one of which is local so the rest stay at the hotel.

I just find it so strange. The hotel is a 10
minute drive away from us and he has no issues waking me up when he’s had too many pints with his mates on a Friday night.

No not for a lift. I meant that his explanation here of staying at the hotel of ‘I won’t wake you all up’ doesn’t make sense with how he usually behaves (noisily) if he’s out drinking at the weekend.

Milk tankers 🤢

Yes, but he doesn’t have the option of a free hotel at the weekend. I honestly think the work based socialising is a red herring.

I’d be far more upset by the milk tankers comment, because it speaks so negatively about how he views women.

Based on his comment, I understand why you feel uneasy OP. And now that he's made that comment, if he respects you he will no longer stay in the hotel.

Eww. I should think he did apologise. Milk tankers? 🙄what a gross comment. Saying things like that about female colleagues doesn't say much about his sense of respect for them as equals. Sounds like something the creepy office lech would say, and that guy is usually given a wide berth by any women with sense.

I would imagine the difference when he goes out with his mates is nobody else stays over, they probably all go home.

I think it's perfectly normal to stay. I think it is much easier to relax into the evening if you are not on the clock - i've done it when colleagues were staying 20 mins away.
Especially if you are using the conference facilities in the hotel so you can facilitate an earlier start & finish the following day.

All of this. I think it's strange that you can't see that.

I mean, that's gross.

I think he only apologised because he drew your attention to her. Not for the comment.

I’m retired now, Even if you lived 10 minutes away you would be expected to stay over in the corporate business I worked in and that’s been standard for my 30 years career.

So this is a change in his behaviour OP?
He used to always come home after these meetings but it's just the last two times he hasn't.

And this has coincided with him making an inappropriate comment about a recently single woman colleague who will also be staying at the hotel?

Well i think you are right to be suspicious tbh. Because if coming in after a drink has never been a problem before then it's a great coincidence that it is now.

I love me a night away in a hotel and a hotel breakfast.

his comments are ew.

No, I wouldn't like this and I wouldn't do it either. Not for work. If it was my actual friends who were coming down to where I live and we were all getting a hotel, then yes, but my colleagues aren't my friends and I don't have any need to "bond" as a team outside of work hours.
If it's the kind of thing that work "expects" I'd be telling them I'll take the time back. I don't give family time to work.

Yes!! Sounds like a dream to me. I would (have) snap that offer up.

So why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Right there, that's your issue. Hotel stay is a red herring.

The hotel stay is strange given you live 10 minutes away. There is more to this than expenses paid so he his staying over.

My husband does exactly this when his work colleagues come to town, I’ve never found it strange.

Why is it strange given the multitude of posts on here from MNetters saying they do exactly the same thing?

Do you think we're all dodgy?

I bet he is paying for the hotel out of his own pocket rather than the company reimbursing his accommodation expense. You may or may not have a problem with this.
If staff “who travel particularly far are put up at a local hotel”, the company is not going to cover the cost for your husband.
I travel to another city for whole team meetings about three times a year and love the whole socialising after hours then spending the night on my own in a hotel room. I can understand how he’d enjoy this too. Obviously I’m not in a position to judge whether anything dodgy might be going on.

My husband does this with his company when close by. I totally understand why he does - all the luxuries of a nice hotel, it's a bit of a treat, and the company is paying so hell yes lol.

he doesn’t want to wake me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking

This is his reason. Plus he can join in fully if he is there, without worrying about when he has to leave, getting taxis etc.

@LadyTable yes I find it strange. He lives 10 minutes away, he should go home, and sleep in his own home with his family. If he is happy to go out with friends and return home without a thought of disturbing anyone then so I can’t see why going out with work colleagues is any different. He is moving the goal posts in order to suit his own agenda…whether that be as innocent as he just wants a break from family life for the night and a long lie in.

I have done this after the Christmas party because it is easier than sorting getting home when drunk. I can see why someone would do this, especially if they are having a night out with colleagues.

Given his gross comments about the woman with big boobs, I wouldnt say that he fancies her particularly, but he wouldnt turn down an opportunity if it presented itself to him. The best time and place for that to happen is at a hotel with the rest of his colleagues when everyone has had a few.

So yes I think that he is on the cop.