To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

[Christmascountdown25]

Does anyone else find this strange?

DH’s team are spread over England and Wales (head office is where we live) and about 3 times a year, they have a two day meeting at the head office with the staff who travel particularly far put up at a local hotel.

The last two occasions, DH has also stayed at that hotel (he says expensed by the company). His reasoning - he doesn’t want to wake
me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking and a free hotel isn’t something to say no to. They always have big socials but he’s usually vague on the detail. He’s one of 3 men and there are 6/7 women, only one of which is local so the rest stay at the hotel.

I just find it so strange. The hotel is a 10
minute drive away from us and he has no issues waking me up when he’s had too many pints with his mates on a Friday night.

And a hotel breakfast. I never normally eat breakfast but in a hotel, I can down at least one of everything TWICE.

There's literally nothing wrong with having a nice all expenses paid night away 😳

I think it's really weird that you think there is.

He sounds delightful.

If it's too good of an offer to pass up why doesn't wife join him for the night and get a sitter for the dc? 🤨
Why not bring the kids along for the fun of it?
As OP said, he has no trouble finding his way home from the pub on other nights.
He's up to no good.

Ick

Because it's a nice treat to do it alone!

As others have said, it's nice sometimes to relax and socialise with colleagues, let your hair down and get treated at the company's expense.

Then fall into a nice comfortable bed and have breakfast in the morning.

Believe it or not, some of us are pure as the driven snow but we still like a night away 😁

Yes, but when he’s out drinking at the weekend, nobody’s offering him a decent hotel room for free.

If I had the option of a free hotel room in my city every there was a work event, I’d get one. It would mean no need to leave the socialising early to catch the last tram, no faffing about with taxis, a cooked breakfast in the morning - it’s a no brainer. I don’t have kids and my DP doesn’t care what time I get home, but I think if I were in your DH’s shoes I’d have the additional motive of not wanting someone tutting and huffing at me because I’d been out late, and I’d also be pleased at the chance to get up and shower and have breakfast in peace without being woken up by kids or partner.

Sounds like bliss tbh. And it doesn’t add up to fucking a colleague. I know Mumsnet loves to put two and two together to make five and even the slightest hint of a man enjoying going out with female colleagues or spending a night away is usually met with ‘Doesn’t look good, OP. Get your ducks in a row’ and/or the massively unhelpful ‘Always go with your gut’, but there’s really nothing odd about taking up the offer of a hotel.

And just because he made a comment about his colleague’s figure, why on earth would you imagine she fancies him and would want to shag him? I strongly doubt he’s anything special. She probably thinks he’s just some middle-aged bore who keeps staring at her tits.

50% of men cheat on their partners, eager to stay over at a hotel ten minutes away and mentioning a hot single colleague and three pages of replies swearing blind its innocent.

I have done it loads of times, no hidden meaning to it. It’s just easier as they expect a meal and drinks. It is team building.

Quite incredible isn't it?
I wonder if they are all pals of OP's H desperate to convince her it's all innocent?
They certainly aren't doing OP any favours by dismissing her concerns so lightly.

You do realise that a lot of people actually like their colleagues and enjoy the occasional night out with them, though?

I always go for drinks with my colleagues after a work event like this - not because I’m expected to or because there’s any enforced ‘bonding’, but because they’re a good bunch of people and I enjoy the odd night out with them where we can have a few drinks and talk about non-work stuff for a change. They’re nice people and we’re all pretty friendly.

Of course if you don’t have that sort of relationship with your colleagues there’s no reason you’d want to go out with them and that’s totally fine.

But just because you feel that way, it doesn’t mean there’s anything odd or suspicious about other people doing it, because for them it wouldn’t be ‘giving family time to work’, it would be some drinks with people they like and would feel no different to going out with friends.

😂😂😂 what a mad thing to say. I doubt he’s gotten anywhere near them. That’s the talk of wishful thinking idiot.

if he talks like that I doubt he’s this great prize.

That but also… annoying when you have young kids and one partner opts out unnecessarily.

How easy is it to get a taxi where you live?
How often does he travel for work?

All the people I know that travel regularly for work, would jump at the chance to spend a night in their own bed, if it was a short and easy taxi ride away. They'd stay for socialising then just get a cab back when everyone heads to their rooms.

Also my company wouldn't be that happy with people who lived very close, spending money on staying over

Imagine if the OP was saying:

“I want to take up my employer’s offer of a hotel after a work event in my home city. I could go home, but this is a chance to have a free night in a hotel on my own with a lovely big bed and bathroom all to myself. I won’t have to stress about taxis, I won’t have to worry about my DH judging me if I drink too much or stay out late, and I’ll have a rare chance to have breakfast made for me and a lie in without my kids waking me up with the usual morning chaos. However, DH is being huffy about this and is accusing me of having an affair.”

Everyone would be telling her that her DH was being a dickhead and would be telling her to take the hotel room.

Also, there is no reliable statistic on how many men cheat: many sources say far lower than 50% and/or that women are just as likely to cheat as men. Some sources say it’s higher than 50% for women as well. So it’s meaningless to throw random numbers around; nobody knows.

@LadyTable expenses paid hotel stay is not worth causing problems in any relationship/family. OP is clearly concerned and questioning this too. Companies don’t tend to pay expenses like that for locals either, another red flag. Hopefully OP can go and stay in a hotel too for the night, somehow doubt it though. He sounds selfish, and like family life would revolve around him with his work/social occasions.

‘Can you book yourself a night in a hotel / spa?’ is a standard response to women on Mumsnet who are fed up with the daily grind of parenting, though. I don’t think it’s really ‘opting out’ for either parent to have night off now and again.

Ew. I think my fanny might seal itself hearing that, no wonder you felt uncomfortable.

I think it's important to listen to your gut op.

In itself I think it's perfectly reasonable to stay over in a hotel for the team building and the fun aspect and let's be honest with young children it probably feels like a little holiday. Sometimes I fantasise about a night alone in a hotel and a full night's sleep!

But if he's given you reason to doubt him, if he's made you feel uncomfortable or if this type of comment/behaviour isn't a one off then I think you listen to your gut and talk to him about how insecure he's made you feel. That's up to him to fix because he's the one who messed up by talking disgustingly about a female colleague. It's not your job to just get over it and forgive and forget - he needs to be the one to help you do that through his actions.

Maybe you are, but OP's dh husband doesn'y sound so pure..

Even if she followed it up by saying that she'll be spending the night drinking with a colleague who's hung like a horse, and she can't imagine why he's still single?

It is, obviously, an opportunity for him to stray. And I see why his comment made you feel insecure about it.

But I’d think of it as a bit of a jolly if my company offered to pay for it and would jump at the opportunity.

The staying in the hotel is not, by itself, a strong indicator he’s having an affair. But you have a gut feeling because of his other behaviour that shouldn’t just be suppressed. It’s not definite by any means. But it may well be worth keeping your eyes open for anything else.

I do the exact same once a year my town head office lovely hotel all expenses paid. The first time it happened hubby encouraged me to do it and done it for the last 8 years and lovely kid free weekend

Ah, so he's a grubby piece of shit who wants to fuck one of his colleagues.

Right, well obviously you have very good reason indeed to be concerned. Imagine what he's thinking when he thinks he can get away with saying that.

He can shove his apology up his arse, obviously.

At first I was 50/50 because yep I do love a nice night in a hotel. But now we know he's a drunkard who sleazes on women he works with and thinks he can tell you he fancies fucking them, obviously do be concerned.

My main concern is why you are with someone who would dare speak to you like that. Under no circumstances, ever, would my husband say something like this to me.

Everyone notices fuckable colleagues. Nobody has to say it - and if they do they are a pos - at best.

How ridiculous to bring you're family to a work event like this. People will think he's a cheapskate who can't afford a hotel stay for his kids.

Plus why would you go through the hassle of packing everything young kids need just to be 10 minutes away?