To wonder what people actually expect and why they can’t just be happy to live simply?

[Terrazzomazzo]

So many posts on here of people saying that they are running out of money and “I have no fun money” et. Why can’t people just be happy that they have enough to pay their mortgage pay their bills and feed their family and clothe their children? When did holidays , excess “stuff” and weekends of fun days out and take away etc become a given right and expectation?

I half agree with you OP - I think the trappings of modern life can be quite limiting in a way, and as a society we have become more materialistic. I am happy driving a second hand car (rather than buying a new one on HP), not buying new clothes until I actually need them, not having the latest phones or any gadgets, however I do like to buy good quality ethically produced food and we love going on adventurous holidays as a family! I’m glad we can afford to live in a lovely property and go on amazing holidays (only through good fortune as my family is wealthy and bank roll us to some extent) but I have far ‘less’ than I did growing up as I had a very financially privileged upbringing, and that doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not materialistic and don’t want everything new and shiny or the latest things. We are bringing our children up the same, to value experiences over things - they love travelling and are lucky to have their own ponies and other animals, and to take part in lots of sports.

What's not true exactly?

And as a child of comfortably off parents in the 1970’s I can say that I was often bored to tears! shops were shut on Sundays, most entertainments were shut on Sundays, we were not a church family so there was not even that. Yes we spent time on the Downs or at the beach but I would have loved to have the life that today’s children often get. I for one can 100% see why people expect this quality of life!

This is the difference in mindset of Live to Work and Work to Live. It's all marketing and we're all overworked, so we can be easily manipulated to be sold anything, ways to de-stress, things to make out lives easier, contraptions and tat to make us feel more "us" but all while keeping the wheel spinning for the 1%.

Also everyone harking back to the days of the 70s when kids didn't get taken out - kids went out on their own and played in the park etc without adults from quite a young age - certainly by the time I was 7 I was taking my brother and I to the rec behind the house and running around with a gang of neighbours children. No parental supervison whatsoever other than calling us in for lunch. Nowadays someone would call SS.

Living simply & not consuming crap like a beast isn't communism ffs 🙄

Well, if they expect it, they should work their hardest to get the best paying job they can
Then, they should buy a house commensurate with their wage
A car too, commensurate with wage
Then, if they do, they can afford nice stuff on top

What a horrible way to think about someone who, rightfully, sees the serenity and pleasure in a simpler life. You, my dear Goose, like it appears most other responders, believe material wealth and "fun" should be at the expense of the labour we provide more successful people so they can become more wealthy while we spend what meager resources we have going to far off lands to get pissed.

Wel, not everyone thinks two spikes would be an extravagance.

There is more to life than just getting by.

But I do see a lot of people moaning about how skint they are, then do a breakdown of outgoings and half the list is luxury items or events. These posts are the stupid ones. By all means have the luxuries just don't bitch about how poor you are after when some people really are struggling. It's tone deaf.

OP, you are seeing the direct result of our unquenching desire for "happiness" over our true need for "contentment". Since these to desires have been inexorably twisted, we selfishly believe we deserve far more than we do. In the West, we've become selfish, childish, and egotistical in our neverending need for more stuff, more experiences, and more entertainment. The cycle of work and the bottomless need to consume the spoils of our labour is why nearly every negative post on your thread exists.

We aren't a happy people. Hell, we aren't even content anymore. We are slaves in a grind that demands our souls and rewards us with shiny uselessness.

You are on the right track OP. You have the sense of it and shouldn't be discouraged by the direction of society. It won't listen to you. It's too busy seeing you as the enemy of it's drugs of choice, avarice and materialism.

Agreed!!!

The things you mention are on the bottom two tiers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. That is to say that those are the absolute basics that one needs in order to survive.

Why shouldn't someone who works hard, full-time be able to afford something a little fun? Why can't they enrich their lives in some way?

I think that’s the issue though. Two professionals having bust a gut to get great qualifications now can’t afford the lifestyle their parents had. And that’s a bit depressing, isn’t it? If you did all the right things, earn a fortune but a basic house has such a big mortgage you are skint at the end of every month, avocados or not.

You are exaggerating the OP's statement. They are clearly intimating that this incessant needs for luxuries that we now consider staples for a meaningful life makes no sense. The basics in life should be the norm and our contentment should be maintained there and not on whether we get takeout or satiate ourselves in frivolous things.

The OP mentioned paying their mortgage, feeding their family and clothing their children. Those are the basics to survive.

Not really
If youre a "professional" then youre getting a decent wage

So dont buy a house or a car above your station and you'll be fine
The real issue is people thinking they deserve everything
No, you dont

You work hard and live within your means - then you will have money left over after bills

It really isnt difficult

You're still missing the point. If you need to be right in any part of your original statement then ok, you are correct, you've accurately stated a few examples of basic survival in modern society. But again, you're missing the point and intent of the original post. Stating unnecessary points that everyone agrees on sidelines the OP's message

I interpreted the OP as you should be happy to have the basics and you should not expect more.
However, OP has not come back to clarify further.

I think that part of the problem is that people believe and tell each other, and themselves, that they deserve to be happy and they deserve a certain standard of living.

Nobody deserves anything.

Just because you're alive, it doesn't mean that the stuff you need/want magically appears from the sky.

Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves a life worth living. Years of therapy drummed this into me.
How is that wrong?

Or may be you mean that people think they will be only be happy if they have xyz.

I see what you're saying now. I think the OP's main point is at the end of their statement. What was once considered luxeries are now our norms. That we aren't satisfied with the simple things anymore and must elevate or experience to feel like we are normal is becoming more concerning.

The OP isn't wrong. The joy of being still, of living within your own space, no trappings, no demands, no expectations of "more" is pleasing. The contentment that rises from being more by existing less isn't easily understood. I found it a few years ago and I can't go back to my daily grind. There is beauty in emptiness, in a demand free existence.

Of course I'm speaking in absolutes. We all have desires and demands and obligations. But our lack of life balance is the point of this thread.

You, like your therapist, and most of humanity has confused happiness with contentment.

Happiness is your first child, your wedding day, the keys to your first home. These are rare and fleeting, rightfully so, they are gifts, rewards for a good life or good choices.

Nowadays westerners chase that high, that buzz of happiness that continues to elude them. They crave more and more and receive less and less.

Go back to your therapist, and within yourself, and ask the question: What am I really looking for in life? Is it happiness or simply contentment, stillness, calm?

Why do you think your interpretation of the OP is more valid than mine?

Like XenoBitch said my interpretation was that you should be happy with having the utmost basics one needs and no more.

As it happens, I don't agree with having to have the latest car/iPhone/insert latest obsession here. But I also don't agree that we should be happy with just the absolute basics. I think if you work hard, you should be able to enjoy more.

I am glad I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid, and I have food to eat and clothes to wear.
Happiness should not be seen as a reward for things. I don't have a lot of money. I find happiness in the simple things. My dog playing, seeing buds on the trees in the spring, hearing my DP crack a silly joke.
But I am also allowed to spend money on things that make me happy too. A take away to eat infront of the TV watching a new DVD. Going out for a meal with a friend. I am into cross stitch as the moment so spent money on threads etc, and I will have a piece of homemade art at the end that will also make me happy and give me a sense of accomplishment.
I am not into all the latest tech stuff but I do have a VR headset which I absolutely love. It allows me to connect with my best friend who moved away. We play games and chat. My mum also has one and joins us. Our sessions are something I really look forward to each week. They don't make me content... they make me happy.

My therapy involved me celebrating the smaller things.... a way to build a collection of positive experiences, and see that my life has purpose and meaning too. Paying the bills was never listed on that.