Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

If that’s the case, you stay and throw him out.

Well, you don't have to leave do you? The house is in your name. Can you work out whether financially you can afford to live without him? You need rid of him and his son before someone gets hurt.

This a million times over.

This

Hang on so it’s your home, then you don’t leave, you can infact kick him out. And if your behind in the electricity then is he even contributing enough, have you looked at what benefits you’d get if he was gone?

From the novel 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' by Khaled Hosseini - 'Like a compass needle that always points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.' My condolences - I hope you find some peace.

Helpful,🙄

I would not want a young male with an explosive temper, no boundaries and no adult male role model around my small children. If your partner won’t consider your safety and that of his younger children you’re going to have to step up. This time the TV. What next? You need to be the adult here and protect yourself and the little ones. Your partner has made it abundantly clear he’s not interested in doing so.

Get rid of the twat and his feral kid. Don't have any more kids with him. It's been on and off for years but you're still together? It's not working, is it?

I appreciate what you say about finances. I really do. But you will manage.

Op I’m guessing you don’t work? So look at what benefits you’d get If living alone.

Your not the one leaving he is

If you throw him out you'll qualify for UC as a single person rather than a couple which should help. Then you take him to CMS (assuming he's not self employed and able to mess up his books). Also even if you are behind with the electricity they can't cut you off as there is an under 6 in the house. Check out what you could claim in benefits on entitled to website

It is your home OP, the council would side with you on this one.

I do absolutely get why it isn't so simple to just leave and especially when he is constantly telling you that you would never manage but you absolutely would! Just think of the weight lifted from having this man's expectations and beliefs put on your shoulders.

Also whilst he is keen to tell you that you wouldn't cope on your own, it also sounds he isn't around that much?

It is hard though. Single Mum to 2 and I understand why you are worried but I do want to say that if you chose that was what was right for you all then you would figure it out and there is support out there.

OP, this is very sad and I am so sorry you are in this situation with two young children.
This behaviour is of magnitude enough to damp this man. It will sip into your life and your children. Before you know it, you will have your own teen breaking stuff and you will be nothing but a shadow of yourself.
The teen is on time to change his ways. He needs strong guidance, pronto. He should be helping you to cook dinner or look after his sibblings. He should be, at minimum, setting the table for dinner and helping to tidy up/ wash up. He sounds addicted to these games.

But your partner.... less likely that he can change and well, he is just not an adult.

Of course you'd manage without him. What does he offer that you can't do yourself? Get him evicted and get on with the rest of your life.

You know you do have a choice don’t you? Get rid of both of them from your life - you will feel much happier I’m sure. Nobody needs that kind of drama in their lives.

Op you're in a stronger position than many given the housing tenancy is in your name only. He goes, taking his nasty, violent son with him. UC and council office the same day to ensure you're getting all the help you can. CMS for what it's worth and go from there. You'll be amazed at what a lovely, peaceful family time you'll have without him. Do you have parents or siblings to help you at all?

you don't need to leave - you make him and his son leave. walking on eggshells and him dumping you constantly is no way to live. Sounds like you need a chat with Women's Aid too.

It's your home. You need to protect your young children by throwing him and his son out. Make them the priority in your life. Do this for them and give them a chance of a happy and peaceful life.

Your whole post talks about him. I bet all your mental energy is focused on him too. Imagine how clam and happy your life would be without him. Imagine how calm and happy you could make it for your children. The mental energy you could spend on them instead of him. The relief they'd feel not having a violent, unpredictable teen around them all the time. This is a no brainer OP.

This man is abusive. It’s not a case of not having anywhere to go, if the council house is in your name then it’s him who has to find somewhere to go. Yes it will be hard, but your life will better without this man in it.

Op can I try and make you see some logic and sense . Do you depend on him financially? Do you both get UC ? Does he work etc ? Is the house you live rented ? If so whose name in on the tenancy ?

Is he getting you to look after his son so he doesn't have to pay as much child support to his ex? I don't think the teen is going to get better any time soon. Send him on his way and see what benefits are available for now. Think about what training you can do so you can get a job in a few years when the baby is older.

It was a nice post!