Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

This.

Many young people grow up in homes with violence. It leads to long term trauma and lots of problems. It's not right. Children first.

Smashing stuff up is a violent act, that may potentially escalate to him attacking op directly. Swearing and blaming op, in the way they are is emotional abuse. You don't have to be beaten to a pulp to be abused, there are many different ways to abuse someone. I wouldn't be surprised if there is also financial abuse

Say you’d like to watch his parenting skills for tips …so he needs to be home when SS is there, after all he has said you don’t parent teenagers correctly. I think this calls for a period of observation of his superior skills, meanwhile you naturally mustn’t be trusted with the task or any other allied responsibilities…(DP is taking the p and using you…let him do the work fulfil the parenting role…did he even take his son with him when he fled (his responsibilities)?

First of all, you're not stupid. Secondly, it's clear that your partner's son is imitating your partner's volatile, unpleasant behaviour. The apple doesn't fall too far from that tree unfortunately.

Terrible example being set for the baby here. Tell your partner and his son that if that’s how he responds when you tell him to come and have dinner, you will no longer be cooking for him and his father can cook for him. And that at the very least you’ll be expecting an apology from both of them before cooking for him again. He can play on his x box all evening for all you care. You won’t be making an effort any more when you are so clearly disrespected. He can parent his son himself.

Op says she walks on eggshells, there's a reason for this and it's because she's being abused, verbally, mentally but hopefully not physically, sadly though physical abuse often follows.

Tell him to get lost. They are as bad as each other.
You don't need this. Disgusting behaviour.

@AutumnSquashSoup what's your financial situation? Do you have any savings? Do you rent or own? Who's on the Deeds? I think you know deep down this man is shit. The apple hasn't fallen far from the tree with his teen either. You need to think long and hard if you want him as a role model for your two children. He's a shit father, and he's a shit partner. Having a go at YOU, calling you names, sulking, slamming doors - that's abuse, and I think you know it. I'd be getting your ducks in a row and preparing for life in a home without him in it. If you need practical advice, post about your finances/home/work situation for help here.

What's happened to you OP that you think being treated like this, and letting your children see this is acceptable?

Well you clearly don't understand emotional abuse then so look it up and learn.

This is why I always advise young women to avoid men with children like the plague.

Sell the son's XBox to pay for your new TV.and then chuck them both out

You need to end the relationship with your DP there’s no other advice to give. If either of the children you share with him are male they’ll turn out like his son, if they’re female they’ll learn to accept poor behaviour.

Tell him it’s over he needs to leave and get CM from him for his children. You owe your children that at the bare minimum.

ban the xbox when he's over. and make him pay for a new telly.

then ditch the man.

Read that again like your daughter wrote it about her partner and the way he treats you. Or your sister. Would you want someone you love stay with such a selfish, shitty parent who's obviously a complete arsehole?

The thing is, if he’s not parenting his eldest, there’s no reason to suppose he’ll do a better job with his younger two. OP, I honestly would take this as a wake up call. Everything is going to be your fault, not his, up to and including violence in the house. Please try to think about how to secure a safer future for your and your children.

Another kid messed up by the step family they’ve been forced in to.

Its no wonder that children’s behaviour has gone so far downhill when there’s so many parents that choose to move their children into situations that make them unhappy.

Maybe you should be trying to find out why your step child is so angry, rather than wanting him just to get a telling off that will only make him feel even less loved.

This has bad news written all over it. If this boy smashes a tv and you get the blame, then he learns nothing. He can take his anger out on whatever he likes with no consequences because his emotions aren't his fault, right? Given this it would be unusual if his behaviour didn't escalate.

What is the housing situation here, is this man connected financially to the house? If he's not you can get them both removed, doesn't matter that he is the father to your children. You have a responsibility to protect your children, even if the person you are protecting them from is their own half brother.

His feral son is not your problem. Walk away.

What do you want people to suggest? He sounds like a twat. He’s unlikely to recover from that condition.

Well, at a guess, he’s angry because his own dad has no interest in him, instead leaving him in the responsibility of someone else who, however kind, has her own two much younger children to look after. That’s not OP’s fault or anything she can change.

Can he still play on Xbox without TV? I'm kind of assuming he can't.
If he can't, then I'd leave that as a natural consequence.

Have you got a tablet the younger ones could use for a bit of screen time until you work out what to do next?

I'd also think long and hard about relationship.

Jesus christ it's not you.

Of course he should have supported you and disciplined his son.

Now his son thinks it's acceptable behaviour!!

Father like son - get shot of both of them.

The son's a chip off the old block.

sorry just coming back on here been trying to get baby down all afternoon he’s teething again and screaming soon as I put him down 😩
so yeah to answer ppl asking it’s council house in my name I been here since before I met him so about 7 years now
we’ve been together nearly 6 years on and off (mostly off this year tbh)
he moved in properly when I was pregnant with our eldest and never really left even though he’s said he was “done” like 50 times lol

our eldest is 5 nearly 6 and the baby’s 17 months so they’re still little and that’s why I’m scared cos they see all this shouting and it’s not fair on them
I keep thinking if I tell him to go he’ll just take the van and not give me anything for the kids like he has before
I’m already behind on the leccy and I can’t afford to lose any help even though it’s more stress having him here sometimes

his son (the 14 year old) has always been hard work like proper attitude and I’ve tried being nice but he just ignores me or calls me names
he used to be ok when he was younger but ever since he hit secondary he’s changed completely
DP says he’s “got a lot on” but I think he just does what he wants cos no one ever tells him no

I know everyone’s saying leave but it’s not that easy when you’ve got 2 kids and nowhere to go and he keeps saying I’d “never manage without him”
I just feel trapped tbh don’t even know where to start