To think this mother is selfish and a bit of a knobhead?

[CarrotCrusader]

A woman got on the bus this morning with a few kids. The youngest in a buggy had a toy with buttons that made sound effects. It was loud. This child did not stop pressing these buttons. I looked at the mother as if to say wtf but it didn't work. Aibu to think what is wrong with people? I wouldn't dream of letting my kid in an inside public space with such a toy.

No doubt there would then be complaints about performance parenting

Nothing performative at all. It's engaging with my son, having a fun game whilst keeping him relatively quiet...

For everyone saying this wouldn’t have bothered them…….. of course it would!!
It’s like torture having to listen to that annoying noise and there’s no escape!
It’s selfish, lazy parenting. I don’t give a f* if the mum was tired…… parent the children YOU chose to have.
Why are people normalising this knobhead behaviour???
If you let your child do this around others on public transport…. people are literally thinking how selfish you are. They probably won’t tell you because THEY are considering YOUR feelings.

So many people think the world revolves around them……news flash…it doesn’t!!!

In these scenarios I always wonder what is the mindset of these people making unnecessary noise in public spaces. Do they not realise or do they just not give a shit about the impact on those around them? I am so aware of those around me that when I put headphones on, I check that the volume isn't so loud that it could be heard by those around me.

There’s so much potential for noise on a bus - so much actual noise - I couldn’t fixate on just this.

Teenagers talking loudly (private school boys especially seem to think everyone else is just wallpaper), people playing music out of their phones (not always just teens!), men having shouted phone conversations often about their work, traffic noise from outside, the noise of the bus and the stop buttons, maybe other children crying. Just part of the general noise mess of the day!

I mean I agree with you. The mum should/could have been more considerate. But so could the op. We could all do with a bit more generosity of spirit towards one another, is what I was trying to say.

For me in this scenario, some days I’d feel like the op, and ruminate on this during the journey and beyond, like she is. Some days however, I’d catch myself and try to apply the values I want to have towards others - like I said - understanding that no one is perfect and people behave a bit selfishly when they are stressed. I feel happier and more content in myself when I go about with compassionate acceptance rather than intolerant rage.

If you find public transport loud and annoying, learn to drive, use ubers/taxis or get earplugs/headphones.

A child playing with a toy is not "rude"

A child playing with a toy making such a noise in a public place that other people can hear it is rude.

This is what it comes down to. Are we expected, as individuals, to assume that anyone being a nuisance, is being so due to difficulties that they can't control and the responsibility is on everyone else to show empathy and therefore cope with the nuisance in our own way?

Or is the responsibility on the person causing the nuisance to accept that the responsibility is on them to do everything to avoid it reduce the level of nuisance on everyone else?

Ultimately, it it the responsibility of say 100 persons to cope and accept the nuisance of 1 person, or the one person to think of the impact on the 100 others. Because it is inevitable that put of the 100, there will also be people who have their own struggle expecting the other 99, including the 1 causing the nuisance, to put their needs first.

There goes the problem. Nobody cares about the impact of their actions or choices on others because they are focused on an the expectation of compassion towards them. This approach turn people into a society that values self-centeredness while proclaiming the value of compassion. We then wonder why are constantly facing with some sort of conflict.

If people saw it their duty to minimise any disturbance on others, we would be much more likely to evolve in a society that is willing to express compassion the the fewer who are genuinely unable to make any arrangement whilst appreciating the efforts made by everyone else.

The OP did have generosity by not saying anything. Unfortunately, this dickhead of a mother will still go around selfishly inflicting noise on others instead of parenting her child.

If i were you I would never go on a bus again. Horrible things full of other people.
Avoid trains and planes too, but buses first.

Talking isn’t annoying, traffic and kids crying that’s part of life. The music blaring is inconsiderate and shouldn’t be allowed. Loud phone calls are inconsiderate and so is a a bloody toy going beep , beep.

if we think about the quiet coaches on a train - that is how all travel should be.

100%

Very eloquently put!

Yabu kids also go on public transport, there are sometimes people playing music on phones and other noises if you dont like it dont take public transport

I'm with you OP.

Ita not a binary choice of this toy or no toy. Could have chosen one without buttons.

Or just don't be a cunt and don't do those things.

Omg the posts here get more and more ridiculous every day 😆 Imagine we actually had problems like the women in Congo who are being raped & tortured daily.

I probably wouldn’t even notice. And if I did I wouldn’t be able to let this bother me. You need to be less rattled by normal every day behaviour. Gosh it mus the exhausting to get your knickers on a twist about a toddler toy

She probably wasn’t very good at interpreting dirty looks - better say “umm you couldn’t turn the volume down please could you” next time…..

The dc was playing with a toy not smoking a joint...
Chill man.

Tend not to judge people with small children behaving like knob heads as a snap shot into their lives. Maybe she is an irresponsible Mother. Maybe she has been up all night with a child being ill. Maybe her husband has left her for Janice in reception (which happened to me!) and she just can't hack it that morning. Unless it is really dangerous to you or repeated, I tend to let it go. My child over turned a table in a pub when I was at my lowest point and I burst into tears. People there were so nice to me. So you know, be nice.

If you are using public transport you have to endure the public.

Was it your first time on a bus?

Out of all of the noises I have heard on public transport, a child playing with a noisy toy would be the least antisocial.

Noise cancelling headphones are a must for regular public transport users.

I've noticed this too, a shift towards being completely unbothered by disturbing others with noise in public.

I was at the swimming pool a few weeks back in the observation area, reading with my child before their lesson, and a mum was sat there with her kid (3-4yr), the kid had the tablet absolutely BLARING loud, and kept putting it down and wandering off then coming back to it. Multiple people were looking over at them and exchanging glances of 'can you believe this?' and the mum was clearly content with her child's tablet being so loud and bothering others. It was actually to the point where it was hard to have a conversation.

I just thought, that poor child hasn't got a chance in this world with such a selfish mother, she deserved better. It was really sad.