Very religious colleague

[ThatLadyLady]

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

I keep thinking how long he would last in my office. We have a nice range of religions among the staff - the ones I know for sure include CofE, I think there's a Catholic, at least 1 Eastern Orthodox Christian, a Pagan fully out of the broom closet and at least a couple more who don't talk about it, Muslims, Hindus, a couple of Jews, a few atheists, and plenty I have no idea about.

To upset him further, we deal with care leavers including refugees, so have a massive variety of religions among them. We have at least 2 married female couples and a guy who I'm pretty sure is gay among the staff, and almost every option of gender and sexuality possible among our clients. plenty of unmarried mothers among clients, a few divorcees among staff.

I personally would make an issue of celebrating the solstices, equinoxes and even the quarter days (don't normally fuss much about those). I would start to use and display items branded with my religious beliefs, something I would never, ever do normally in the office.

It does make you think in this day and age religion should not be a protected characteristic. Religion is a choice other protected characteristics aren’t.

I disagree with this, as someone who has been discriminated against at work and driven out of a job by religious intolerance by other staff members. As it happens my religion is not the one I was brought up in, in fact I was driven away from Christianity by a number of people over the years acting in similar ways to the one the OP has issues with and their bigotry.

But for many people their religion is the one they were born into and grew up with, and for their entire lives they have been taught the beliefs and rules of that faith. Provided it doesn't harm anyone else, they should be able to have the faith that for some is the only thing that kept them going, protected and not be discriminated against. There have been too many times over the centuries and across the world, including in the UK, where faith has been dictated by the beliefs of the current ruler/invader.

There’s multiple managers within the office, all of whom work different days. My manager didn’t work in the office today but I emailed them. They have messaged me to let me know they’ll be moving it forward.

I don’t understand why music is needed at all. It would drive me mad. I worked in an office once where the radio was piped through ceiling speakers and the CEOs PA had full control. She insisted on one of those stations that seems to only play the same 10 songs and have ad breaks with the same 3 ads every 5 minutes and slightly hysterical presenters with wacky jingles.
I was on the verge of murder when my contract finally ended.
If you had added an evangelical nutcase into the mix I may have regretted my actions

Totally inappropriate in the workplace. I had one like that years ago and he caused a lot of offence by telling a team member her gay brother was a sinner and he was praying for his soul to be saved.

Thankfully he didn’t work there long enough- and funnily enough despite his holier than thou views he turned out to be a two faced back stabber who constantly threw others under the bus to make himself look good.

Tbh I’d rather have zero music than that dire MOR playlist! 😬

That said, your colleague is an offensive little twat.

Id report him. This isnt appropriate office behaviour. Hes welcome to his views but not to impose them on others

And I absolutely wouldnt get in a debate with him on abortion or evolution or anything else where we both know the discussion has no purpose except to amplify his feelings of superiority and to brow beat others

Oh, this would piss me off HARD!

Why does he think he can dominate the entire office with his religion?

The entitlement is truly shocking.

I'd start recording these incidences and hand them over to HR.

He sounds unhinged.

His views of women are sexist and have no place in a work place.

I’m finding it hard to believe that this isn’t grossly exaggerated. It just sounds far too full on to be true.

@ThatLadyLady - good for you snapping at him. But i really don’t understand why you’re saying people don’t want to upset things. He already is upsetting things. And frankly, it should be more upsetting to listen to his misogynistic ranting than to let it go unchallenged.

You'd rather have zero music than the MOR playlist? Surely no music is the default in an office? (tho' I know it's not the point of this thread). If you want to listen to music n the office, then wear your ear pods!

These’s nothing like the newly converted!

I think he’s going to have to wind it in a bit, if he continues it’s either going to be a work issue or a getting on either others issue or both.

With their zeal they are hard discuss matters with as they are always ‘right’ and ‘God says so’

But they can we wound in circles with religious law - Leviticus, keeping slaves, stoning, selling daughters, working on the sabbath etc

You can also present future secenarios. What if one of your future children is gay etc. How will you cope?

Also - it’s a female heavy workplace? Is there an aspect of mansplaining going on?

All the best.

He wasn't called Trevor Nichol, was he?

Great that you've told him forcefully to pack it in, and complained to your manager. If that isn't effective, how about a note from all of you:

John,
Your aggressive proselytising, and your adament refusal to desist when asked, is unprofessional and is interfering with everyone's work. It is impinging on other people's private beliefs, and may constitute bullying and harassment. Your comments about women are unacceptable.You are damaging the pleasant atmosphere we are used to in this office, and our work is no longer enjoyable.
We respect your right to your beliefs, but we do not want to hear them. Please confine your talk to work matters.
We will play the music we all like, and you can use headphones for your choices. If you continue to criticise our choices and evangelise during working hours, we will record you and take this complaint further.
Your colleagues in Room 26

Stick that on his desk.
And follow through immediately with recording if he fails to co-operate. Make sure you are all squeaky clean, eg no smutty jokes he could take exception to.

Does he speak to other male colleagues like this? He sounds like a chauvinistic jerk.

Headphones are better

This makes me so irritated - just because he’s Christian he sees it as acceptable to ram his beliefs down everyone’s throat - imagine if you were homophobic and spouted your beliefs - this would be seen as hate speech but because it’s ‘religion’ it’s deemed as disrespectful to tell him to shut the fuck up. Honestly, can you tell I’ve had experience with this shit before? Interestingly, the woman I had the misfortune to have to deal with was one of the meanest most bigoted people I have ever met - despite allegedly being a ‘Christian’. Report him for being offensive, his opinions on women alone are grounds for a disciplinary.

He's new to the job so honestly I would do my best to get him out of it!

I'm a Christian - he's being really unreasonable. You can't read the Bible like it was written back then; you have to consider its messages in the context of society back then and then apply it to us living today, with scientific and social developments considered.

You’ve never met a truly zealous Christian, have you?

My aunt is exactly like OP’s co-worker, but worse, as every single action and statement one makes in her presence is criticized from a religious standpoint and full-on Bible passages get quoted.

She once told me that God intended for my father to be in a horrific accident that occurred when I was 18, because “God only gives us the burdens we can carry”. My dad fell off a ladder and had catastrophic brain damage. Apparently that was cool by God because he thought my mom, sister, and I were capable of devoting our entire lives to taking care of a completely disabled person for the next two decades.

Please report he is being mysoginistic and homophobic and creating an unsafe work environment

@LakotaWolf That must have been really hard - first, because of the terrible injuries, but even more so for the unfeeling 'justification' she gave you. It's infuriating to hear the warped arguments given for a 'loving God' in the face of the dreadful tragedies and suffering some people have to undergo.

@LakotaWolfthsts awfuk
so sorry for your dad and you

Listen to Tim Minchin's Thank You God .... it is a gem!

It's not 'unsafe'. Don't be ridiculous.

It's unpleasant and unprofessional, but it's not affecting anybody's safety. Words mean things.