Very religious colleague

[ThatLadyLady]

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

@ThatLadyLady I'm a Christian who listens to (sometimes sweary) rock and heavy metal. I'd be arguing the toss with him! In the last place I worked we had a radio, Kerrang!, Planet Rock and Radio X all got played, along with the pop stations.

Wonder if he'd kick off if you played Lies by Evanescence? (Very heavy on the Christian imagery, but it's rock music, which some people I've come across in my church disapprove of.)

I'd go to my boss and tell them I'm extremely uncomfortable being targeted for religious proselytizing and harassment by coworker. I'm not Xtian and it can feel threatening, especially coming from a man.

Proselytizing at work is unprofessional and extremely disrespectful of coworkers.

Why on earth would you engage like this if the intention is to shut it down ?

Straight to the manager and HR. A bit of me thinks you should completely take the piss ‘Sabrina Carpenter is living in sin’. ‘Good for her. Wish I was living in sin with Henry Cavill!’ ‘Women should be wanting husbands and babies’ - ‘Can I have a fur baby, Brian? I’ve always fancied a Shi-tzu’ or ‘Nobody cares about the bible, Brian’ ‘We’re making a playlist. Everyone pick their favourite song’.

And I brought up about music in shops as someone suggested music could only be played if they pick stuff which doesn't offend anyone. I was pointing out that there is music played publicly that is generally non offensive, where he would potentially have to encounter it. Tough
If he was disabled obviously their could be a need for a reasonable adjustment. A man finding offence in everyday non offensive music isn't a disability therefore no reasonable adjustments required.
The world won't revolve around his misogynistic views

OP, you need to play Cardi's WAP and Swift's new song Wood on repeat. 😂

Absolutely. I work in HR and if this was referred to me for advice a version of this is exactly what I'd say. Managers cannot afford to ignore this or it could really rebound on them. In fact I'd probably treat OP's eamil as a grievance and seek informal resolution (he shuts up) and if he doesn't it goes to a disciplinary. and then it really WILL get messy (for him).

He's entitled to hold his views and express them in some ways e.g. wearing a cross, praying quietly before his meals or whatever What he's not entitled to force them on to other people. Colleagues with different religious beliefs (including none) could absolutely have grounds that he's harrassing them and creating a hostile working environment. Management need to crack down on it asap and if I was the HR person I'd be more than happy to help them. I HATE religious opinions being expressed in the workplace, it never, ever ends well.

I would take a grey rock approach to him and only engage on a very superficial and civil work-level.

So I would ask him about project status/deliverables but beyond a “good-morning”, I wouldn’t engage on a personal level.

If he - apropos-of-nothing - sees fit to subject you to a sermon on (eg) his views on gay marriage, I’d shut him down with “This is not an appropriate topic for the workplace - let’s focus on our work”. If you’re speaking to another colleague about (eg) their weekend and he interjects to accuse them of sinful excesses, I’d say to him “Excuse me, this was a private conversation, it’s not acceptable here to interrupt a conversation to insult someone”.

Yes, it’s a little bossy and high-handed - but he’s absolutely insufferable and totally lacking in self awareness. The beauty in this approach is you’re making it clear he is the one being inappropriate/unprofessional/rude rather than risking letting him rile you and you eventually having an outburst at work.

Why would you think your views on religion are any less valid than his. He has no problem expressing his views to everyone which is fine but he shouldn't expect everyone to not have valid views of their own

I'm surprised he passed probation with nothing being said about the way he deliberately picks arguments with staff on what are known to be controversial topics. That's not what work is about.

Does your employer have any sort of policy or guidelines on political discussions at work, or about safe spaces at work? If not, it might be worth his manager having a word and reminding him that inclusion isn't just about giving people space to speak; it's also about respecting an individual's choice not to; and his current argumentative behaviour and attempt to dominate the entire group is making the work environment uncomfortable for others.

His values don't seem very much aligned to mainstream Christianity.

Mainstream Christianity doesn't deny evolution. He must be in a sect which believes in Creationism. That's an eccentric belief. The C of E and the RC church, plus non-conformist churches such as the Methodists wouldn't agree with his narrow and rather medieval views.

These weird cults and sects are really worrying and give Christianity a bad name. And I say that as an atheist!

I've worked at a company owned by the Brethren in the Manchester area before.

They are 'fun and games'.

However we knew what they believed and they knew what they believed and we both 'stayed in our lanes' in terms of respect.

It was appropriate to ask what they believed and vice versa but NOT to impose beliefs on the other.

As someone who is not religious you have a set of beliefs which is worthy of respect - this includes not being subjected to sexism.

It is ok to say 'This is what I believe in' but not to expect co-workers to adhere to that.

This means if its your turn to clean the kitchen, its your fucking turn to clean the kitchen not say 'oh thats a womans job because of my religion' or such other bollocks.

You have rights too - even as a non-believer.

I reckon you’re right. I used to attend a fundamentalist Christian church back in the 1980’s and there was an obsession with rock music concealing hidden messages about Satan and sin. We had special events, often led by American evangelical guest speakers, where the music was played and the lyrics discussed at length. I was suddenly exposed to some very good music that I had never heard before. I was a teenager at the time and very gullible. I remember coming home and telling my younger sister and she laughed her head off and told me I was a robot. But that didn’t stop me going around telling anyone who would listen that the music they listened to was blasphemous. I must have been a right pain in the arse. When I left that church, I felt as though I had left a cult. I realise most Christians aren’t anything like this!

Although it’s not strictly a legal requirement as for disabled people, under some circumstances employers would be expected to make reasonable adjustment such as unpaid time off for religious holidays, or time out for prayer etc. The employer would have to consider the effect on the business and the key word is ‘reasonable’. It sounds as though this employee is himself acting illegally by pushing his religion onto others, expressing sexist or misogynistic view, and insisting that other conform to what he wants in terms of what goes on in the workplace.

It has to be handled properly to avoid a claim for discrimination on his part, so rather than confronting him it’s best reported to management or HR who have an obligation to sort it.

That’s not ok. A person of any religion shouldn’t be imposing their views on other people. I say this as a Christian myself.
Unless the music was deeply offensive in regards to a person’s religion eg featuring blasphemy or antisemitism then to object to a playlist on the grounds he has done is going too far as well.

He sounds completely unhinged and very inappropriate at work - and I'm a Christian! He sound more fundamentalist/fanatic to be honest

Fine to hold whatever beliefs and opinions you want, but it's not fine to force them down other people's throats

I will mention church in a work setting in a 'what did you do this weekend?' ' I went to church' kind of way, and if people ask me specific questions about my faith I will answer them. For example I had a great chat about inclusivity as my church supports gay marriage and I have a friend who is a gay minister. Someone else asked if they could have their baby baptised if it was born out of wedlock (yes!)

Work is not an appropriate place to get on your soapbox and try and blanket everyone else with your beliefs. He would not like it if people kept talking over him to force their opinions

A workplace should remain neutral and inoffensive and he needs to be told that by HR asap

I consider myself a traditionalist in a way but I’m completely flexible on personal choice and would never even try and tell anybody what is good for them according to me. Anyone can really do what they believe is best for themselves, I just believe my way is good for me and my family. I am also not religious in anyway and wouldn’t try and force my belief on anyone.

I believe if a woman wants to and can afford to stay at home to raise a family while her husband provides then that is great and probably good for the development of children etc. So what I find most concerning is not the number of young people embracing traditional values but rather the evangelical outspoken religion that comes with it. Why can’t you believe what you believe and love your beliefs without having to preach it to everyone, it feels very handmaids tale-ish.

Yes I know, I've worked where people have had more flexibility in start times with Ramadan and things, but telling 39 people they can't have mainstream non offensive music on because a man finds it offensive for misogynistic reasons, isn't a reasonable adjustment to be made by an employer

When I was working (I'm retired), nobody was allowed to discuss their personal religious beliefs in work time. I thought that was a general rule for the workplace, though not strictly illegal. Please try to enforce it.

Your colleague is young and zealous but needs to realise work is not for proselytising, it makes people uncomfortable and there will be people who do not share his faith, or at least not his take on it, who believe something different or nothing at all. Whatever he feels, they are all equal.

What matters at work is that people do their job and generally rub along with each other.

This guy could find himself in trouble if anyone complains about him; imo (and I am a Christian), that would be correct.

He needs to learn that there is a time and place for everything.

Do you have a good HR staff member who could have a word with him?

I’d be furious with this op and probably have gotten in trouble myself for telling him my thoughts. He’s misogynistic at best. And regardless of his religious beliefs he needs to know it’s not acceptable to say what he is saying in a work environment. I would seriously take this further with management and hr. It is not ok. What if there is a member of you team who is gay/ had an abortion/ lives a life of sin he seems to think is ok to be judgemental about. He sounds a total dick and he cannot act like this

I find music that 'doesn't offend anyone' very offensive - and pointless!

I think he only has the right to judge that the lyrics of a song makes him uncomfortable, not the moral worth HE places on the artist signing the song.

Yes, but there are evangelical Christians….. from the evangelical movement………….. which are notorious for this type of behaviour.

Catholics might evangelise, but they’re not part of the evangelical church. I’m not sure how to break this down even further so I’m just leaving it.

Shall all music everywhere be banned? 😂

I struggle to think of many people who would be offended by a Bach Prelude - but they are definitely not pointless!