Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

Huh? How on earth is she ‘stalking’ you by simply calling from a different number than that which you have saved for her?! Talk about hyperbole, my god.

In what way is this stalking?

How many calls are we talking? Unless it’s hundreds, I’d have thought that reporting them was a bit off.

Awkward. How do you usually get on with your MIL?

I wouldn’t call it stalking but it is weird that she hasn’t answered the phone or replied to your texts. I’d have a word with her in person before you jump to more sinister assumptions though.

I have had persistent and monthly calls. Every single message asking who it was has gone unanswered. Every single call back has gone unanswered. It has made me feel like someone I have taken action with has some how got my number. I was on the brink of reporting it and my husband asked for the number. Why would she never mention she swapped her number or say "you haven't answered my calls?" Or respond to texts or simply say she gor a new number. It isn’t like she doesn't know my number clearly she didn't tell me she had a new number.

It has gone on for 24 months. I have tried to call back. Calls always occur when I am in work where I dont get singal. She is retired and glued to her phone because she is always talking on it.

Thank you. That is what I thought. I honestly don't know how I will bring it up without looking like a b.

Get your DH to deal with his mother and find out why she’s using a different number calling you.

He won't. He has the number. She must have changed her number and nobody gave it to me. Not sure why she wouldn't mention it. It feels like an intentional act tbh

He won't. He has the number. She must have changed her number and nobody gave it to me. Not sure why she wouldn't mention it. It feels like an intentional act tbh

Just block the number.

Sorry, you're saying for two solid years your MIL has been calling you and you've never managed to answer it and speak to her? Because it's always during work hours?

But you don’t have to look (or act) like a ‘B’. Just a simple nicely worded ‘hey mil, DH has said a number that’s been calling me belongs to you? I didn’t know you’d changed your number, and just curious as didn’t receive responses to my messages?’. Just say it in a none confrontational tone, and drama over.

You haven’t answered the frequency of the calls question op which is hugely relevant. ‘For two years’ doesn’t mean anything. Once a year for 2 years? Once a minute for 2 years?

Yes, I have a very busy full on job with back to back meetings and I also do not get singal all the time in my building. When I have left work I have called back and no answer! She knows my number then no call for days/weeks/months nor would she say she rang/didn’t get hold of me.

I’m not really understanding why you didn’t just block the number after the first few times. It’s odd, but why do you care so much? And how is this ‘stalking’?

Every month sometimes more than once a month. There was a couple.of months with zero calls but not once a year, no.

How bizarre. Why not leave a message? Why not answer when you call her back? The whole thing is very odd.

How do you usually get on with her?

And at no point during all this did you either block the number or show it to your husband?

Ok. Look up the definition.

I googled the number it didnt come up. My phone didn't block it as spam. If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

No. I am an independent woman. I don't need to show my husband every missed call. I had mentioned it previously. We are both pretty busy tbh and like passing ships. But he isnt my protector, I wouldn't automatically send him the number, why would I? I have asked about numbers in the past when he has been away in the past on lads holidays and I had missed calls and on occasion it has been someone whose phone he used. On the whole we have all the same friends and I have their numbers. I have a number saved for my MIL.

Thank you

If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

For TWO YEARS?! Why?!

I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

How was this more rational to you than just blocking?

Do your texts show as read?

I know my mum uses WhatsApp but if someone sent her a regular SMS she wouldn't have a clue where to look for it. That might especially be the case if your MIL switched to a new phone/number?

Also, I'm guessing based on this that you haven't spoken to your MIL on the phone in two years. Would that be unusual? If she was ringing you regularly, that implies that you'd normally have contact by phone.

Over the last few years you have had some calls, maybe a dozen (but you don’t seem to specify a number) from an unknown number, which turned out to be your MIL from a new number - this is neither stalking or harrasment.

The whole thing is bizzare - the ONLY times your MIL called, you were unable to pick up, and, you never spoke to her, on the phone, any other times. You also never blocked the unexpected number .